As I lay dying
by Integra Hawke
Summary: After almost dying, Hawke now has a connection to a man she loved and lost, while trying to achieve her greatest happiness.
1. Chapter 1

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**As I lay dying**_

_**ONE**_

As I lie here gasping carefully, ignoring the metallic taste of blood in my mouth, I think to myself, _how_ _did I get here this time?_ I must admit that since I have reached Kirkwall, my life has never been the same as it was back in Ferelden. With a father and sister who were mage apostates, fugitives from the Chantry, I would have never categorized my life as ever being normal then either. But back then, I was surrounded by my family and before the Blight that destroyed my home in Lothering, I even considered myself happy.

As I lie here in a pool of my own blood, I wonder what keeps me here and I look at the faces that surround me. I know that I still have much left to do here. Only it is getting so hard for me to focus as my vision is beginning to fade...eyes so hard to keep open…

"Seelia…_HAWKE_, hold on!" I hear and jerk back awake, gasping and coughing out the blood I accidentally inhaled. "Damn you mage! Help her!"

I feel a gentle hand on my cheek and with effort I look up at the face that is closest to mine, to my Fenris and try so hard to concentrate on him. Seeing his look of utter despair makes me despise myself for ever having put it there. He had spent so long feeling angry and alone from the life he had escaped in Tevinter. I was so thankful to the Maker that once I helped him defeat Danarius, he changed and even began to look peaceful when we were together. He had lost everything when he received the lyrium tattoos from his former master and our time together had allowed him to finally remember who he was and even the family he left behind. I looked at him and saw that he could not bear to lose me or he would lose himself.

I watched as Isabela was restraining a distraught Merrill, holding the small elf's bleeding wrists, having bound her wounds with one of the scarves she favored. I vaguely recalled that she had used blood magic to try to save me, even as I was carried here as quickly as possible. Without her help, I may have died sooner, despite the consequences. She was trying to break free to help even though she was weak from the blood loss and could not break free from Isabela, still she tried in vain. I cannot recall the last time I had seen Isabela with such a grim look on her lovely face.

I looked to a kneeling Sebastian, who was praying to the Maker, covered in my blood. It was he who had carried me once I had finally collapsed after the fight with Ser Varnell and the religious fanatics that had kidnapped the delegates outside of the Keep. He had suggested I meet with Mother Petrice after the Viscount bade me to help bring peace between the people of Kirkwall and the Qunari who occupied a portion of the area down by the docks. I still did not trust her after being attacked the last time I had accepted a request from her involving the bound Saarebas Ketojan but could not come up with concrete evidence of her involvement. I felt that she could not be trusted but he was certain that since she was second to Grand Cleric Elthina, I should give her a chance to plead her case and help her in her mission. I should have trusted myself and walked away.

_I knew she would betray me._

I turned and saw Varric sitting in a chair nearby, with his head in his hands. He had a look of disbelief at my being in the sorry state I was in. We had survived the Deep Roads together, fought darkspawn and even defeated a Rock Wrath, a creature thought to be only a legend. _You lead me to strange places, Hawke, _he would repeatedly tell me with a smile on his face but he followed me anyways. Without his help, I would never have had the opportunity to get my family out of my uncle's hovel in Lowtown. We had relied on each other for many things. But this was something even he could not help with.

I could hear Aveline pacing outside the Darktown clinic, hitting the walls and yelling out in frustration. I could see Donnic, her husband hold her as she fell to her knees, finally spent and saw that she was crying. It had been some time since I had seen her so upset. The last time was when she realized Wesley would not survive the taint. She had refused to believe he could survive so much but be brought down by something she could not fight. In the end, I offered to do what needed to be done to end his suffering and she refused. She did what needed to be done for him one final time.

Finally, I turned to the one person I thought I would never see tears from; the last time I had looked into those eyes, they were angry and full of disappointment before he walked away from me. Now Anders was using every bit of magic he possessed to try and save me. He refused to let me go. He refused to give up even when my heart had stopped and used an electrical spell to get it to beat again. I jerked up, gasping at the pain I felt when the jolt surge through my body. I could see that the strain was too much and soon he was at his limit. What surprised me most was that Fenris offered Anders the use of the lyrium that was embedded in his skin if it would help save me. I knew that to do so would cause him great pain and silently I prayed that Anders would refuse. But he did not and he began tapping into the lyrium that Fenris offered freely and once again I lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWO**_

When I awoke, I was sore and very much surprised to still be alive. _I should have known Anders would not give me up so easily, _I thought to myself and groaned softly as I tried to turn my head. I was lying on a cot in the clinic in Darktown and for once, there was no one else occupying one of the many beds. I looked down to see that I was bandaged, covered and on further inspection, realized I was quite naked. Thankfully I was no longer covered in blood.

I turned and noticed that Anders had fallen asleep in a chair by my cot, slumped forward with his head so close to my hand. I slowly reached over and ran my fingers through his soft blonde hair, seeing that it was now much longer than before. Lightly, I touched the stubble on his cheek and watched him sleeping so peacefully.

He had finally left my home in Hightown after one of the many arguments we had had about the Chantry and their treatment of mages. While I agreed that changes needed to be made, I could not continue to relive the same arguments, knowing that I was outnumbered two to one. He and Justice against me and that was what finally drove us apart. He returned once again to the clinic I had first found him in. I admit that I was attracted to the rugged mage from the moment I saw him and waited patiently for him to feel the same for me, and yet love had not been enough to keep us together. It was some time before I could even venture into Darktown and not find myself outside of his clinic, wishing that he would change his mind and decide that I was enough for him.

After that I threw myself into helping the people of Kirkwall, taking even more risks than before. It was only until Fenris was almost captured by his former master that made me realize that I was putting everyone else around me in danger by my actions.

Things had always been tense between Fenris and me but after defeating the Tevinter magister, I found him in my home and things changed between us. Slowly he lost the hostility and softened when we were alone and he had even begun to look happy. I had hoped that someday he would decide to stay with me but I knew he was well aware of what the people of Kirkwall thought of my loving the white haired elf. I did everything I could to make him realize that he was all I needed to be happy but secretly, deep in my heart, I would also love Anders.

I placed my fingertips softly on his cheek and watched as he slowly opened his clear blue eyes. He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes and visibly exhausted. I could see that he had quite literally used everything he had to save me and in my eyes, it had aged him.

_Another shining example of how you hurt others by your actions, _I thought bitterly_._

"How are you feeling?" he asked, gently taking my hand in his.

"Like I've been struck by lightning," I joked, hoarsely.

"For that, I'm sorry. Your heart had stopped and I needed to get it started again," he apologized, letting go of my hand and sitting back. "I almost lost you, Seelia," he said softly, looking away.

"So I…died?" I asked as he got up and looked at the now healed scar I had on my chest. "Why didn't you just let me go?" I whispered.

"You know why," he said and covered me again.

"Anders…"

"You're awake! See, Broody, I told you Hawke would make it. And now she even has a new sexy scar you can admire later on," Isabela said as she walked into the clinic.

I turned back but Anders had walked away. I had hoped for once we could end a conversation without him doing just that but I could see that after all this time he was still pushing me away. Isabela led in my beloved, who also looked pale and drained, and if I saw correctly, even his tattoos looked dull. I knew that sharing the lyrium with Anders was tiring and painful for him but seeing him now I knew that saving me had been no small feat.

"How are you, Hawke?" Isabela finally asked once she realized that Fenris had been struck silent.

"I've been better, Isabela, but I would really like it if I could go home," I said once Fenris knelt at my side and took my hands in his.

"I'll speak to Anders. I'm more than sure he would like to get rid of all of us walking in at all hours," Isabela said, winking at the both of us and she went to find Anders.

Fenris leaned forward and cradled my face. His face had softened and I could see that he had worried himself sick. I reached up and ran my fingers through his white hair, trailing my fingers down his cheek. He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his face.

"Good news. Anders says you can go home now but you will need bed rest," Isabela told us. "He wants you to drink this before you go and get to bed as soon as you return home."

She handed me a cup of tea that I did not recognize but still drank the contents. It was sweet yet had a hint of something I could not place. If it meant being able to be home in my own bed I would gladly kiss a darkspawn.

"Take it easy for a few days, Hawke. I know you like to think you're invincible but no one will think differently if you take some time for yourself for a change," Anders said, bringing in a garment for me to wear. "I'm afraid your armor did not survive. We had to cut it off to reach some of your wounds. This is closest to your size and it was the best I could do in such short notice. One of the refugees was a seamstress and I was able to buy this from her."

"Hawke-in a dress! Now this I have to see!" Isabela laughed as Anders put the garment on the cot and backed away. He and Fenris left the clinic and Isabela helped me slowly sit up so I could put the dress on over my head and stand up. I was still a little wobbly on my feet and promptly sat back down. "Well, it's no Orlesian silk but it is actually quite lovely in its simplicity. It must have cost Anders a pretty sovereign to pay for this," she said as I examined the sleeves, feeling that it was not the coarse material that most of the refugees wear.

"I will repay him as soon as I am settled back in Hightown, Isabela, don't you worry. I know that Anders does not ask for payment to heal the many refugees here so I have no idea how he could afford this."

"It was nothing really, Hawke. Think nothing of it. I had helped heal the seamstress's son who had had a terrible fever and she let me have it at a discount," Anders said, having heard me and Isabela. They had both returned but he had stayed by the door.

"It is beautiful, Anders. Knowing you, you must have given her more than she was willing to take from you," I told him and bowed my head at his generosity. "Is Varric with you, or Sebastian? I'm afraid I will need a little help with the long walk home," I admitted.

"I will carry you," Fenris said finally, walking up to me.

"But you must still be drained from…whoa!" I squeaked as Fenris picked me up as if I weighted nothing and proceeded to walk out of the clinic.

He stopped briefly as he approached the door and stared at Anders. He nodded at the mage he had hated so much. "I do not know what more to say, mage, other than 'Thank you.'"

"Just make sure she gets plenty of rest, Fenris. I will stop by in a few days to make sure that she has healed completely but until then no strenuous activity and absolutely _no fighting_. Do you hear me, Hawke?" he scolded me.

"I hear you," I said and yawned. Fenris walked out of the clinic and preceded to one of the many access routes out of Darktown. I had laid my head on his chest and was starting to drift off when a thought occurred to me.

"Well, I'm off. I promised the others I would let them know when Hawke was well enough to go home. They will want to see her once she has had some sleep later if that is okay with you, Fenris?" Isabela asked, stopping at a different tunnel than the one we were headed to.

"Tomorrow, maybe, Isabela. I would like to get Hawke settled first," he said and she moved on. I had fallen into a light sleep and soon woke up as we neared my home. It was thankfully dark and there was no one around to see me return in such a weakened condition.

"I have a dream just like this one, Fenris," I said sleepy.

"What kind of dream?" he asked as he waited for the door to be opened. Orana opened the door and stood back as he brought me inside. Bodahn tried to take me from Fenris but he walked past him and continued through the main hall.

"You were carrying me, just like this. And I was wearing the most beautiful white dress with you in black," I said and touched his face as he frowned down at me.

"You dreamt of this? Of you being badly wounded? I don't understand."

"I dreamt we were just married, you silly man, and you were carrying me across the threshold just like this." I sighed and laid my head down on his chest. "Let me go back to sleep and pretend that this is that day once again, my love," I said and drifted back to sleep as he carried me up the stairs to place me carefully on my bed. I had locked my hands around his neck and would not let him go so he was forced to lie down next to me. I rolled onto my side and put my arm around his waist and was asleep once again.


	3. Chapter 3

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THREE**_

I awoke later that night and found that Fenris had fallen asleep at my side. I slid carefully from the bed and seeing that I could now stand a bit more steadily, I got up and quickly undressed, placing the dress on the chair closest to the bed and picked out the simple long tunic I preferred when I was at home from my closet but did not put it on right away. Instead I stood before the full length mirror and looked at the scar that I now had on my chest, so close to my heart. I turned and looked at the scar that had pierced my side and the one on my leg, marveling that I had managed to walk away from that battle. In the mirror's reflection I saw Fenris get out of bed and walk to my side to examine them as well. I could see from his face that he still saw the blood and quickly tried to put on my tunic to cover them up when he bent and kissed them.

I shuddered as his soft lips trailed down to the one on my side and again when he finally reached the one on my thigh. He stood up and took the tunic from my hands, dropping it on the floor as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back towards the bed. I sat and watched as he slowly undressed, feeling my body tighten at the sight of his body as it did every time I was with him. I looked at his face and reached up to kiss him as he pushed me back onto the bed. I moved backwards further to make room when he slowly got onto the bed and crept closer to me. I arched my back as his mouth kissed his way up my way up my body, feeling his gentle fingers as they brushed across my skin.

I kissed him again and felt that he was afraid to place any of his weight on me so I took the choice away from him, rolling so that I straddled his hips and he looked up at me.

"_Hawke!_" he moaned as I moved my hips. I heard him hiss as he finally grabbed my hips and helped guide himself slowly inside of me. I placed my hands on his chest and watched his face as I moved slowly, loving the look on his face. I had started out slow but soon could not stop myself from wanting more of him and was startled when he sat up and rolled me back onto my back. I could feel the waves of pleasure building and could not hold back any longer, feeling him shudder at his release. He caught himself on his forearms and lowered his chest to mine and I could feel his heart beating as quickly as mine. He rolled onto his back and I moved so that I my head was tucked under his chin with my arm wrapped around his chest.

There was no need to move or speak. I knew that I had come very close to dying and being with him was the best reminder that I had something to live for, to be with him always. I could feel his hand on my shoulder and I looked up into his green eyes and could see the worry lines slowly begin to fade from his face, replaced by a look of mirth and contentment.

"What amuses you, my love?" I asked as he began to smile down at me.

"So…you dream of marriage?"

My eyes widen and I vaguely recalled thinking it as he carried me inside. "Dear Maker! Did I say that out loud?"

"You said something about me carrying you across the threshold, dressed in wedding clothes. Do you really dream of this? With me?" he asked as I lowered my head and kissed his chest.

"Of course I dream of it. I dream of living the rest of my life with you," I said and intertwined my fingers in his. "Is that wrong?"

"In Tevinter, a woman such as you would never dream of marrying a slave," he said in his low voice and looked away. I reached up and turned his face back to mine.

"We are not in Tevinter, my love, and you are not a slave. You are the man I love and I would marry you if only you would agree. The rest of Kirkwall be damned. I don't need their approval to be happy," I said and leaned in to kiss him. I could feel him smile against my lips and I moved back to look at him.

"Was that a proposal, Hawke?"

"Was that a yes, my love?"

"Tell me more about this dream of yours."

I blushed as I told him about being married by the Grand Cleric and the entire city attended to see me finally happy with the man I loved. I laughed as I thought about my uncle Gamlen, knowing he would not approve and not caring as long as I was happy.

"Why must you invite everyone in Kirkwall?"

"So there would be no doubt in your mind that I want you in my life, by my side, until the day I die. Hopefully as a very old woman, surrounded by many of our children," I assured him, sighing as I rested my head on his chest once again but he moved on top of me once again.

"Well then, who am I to say no when offered such wonders?"

"Was that a yes?" I asked again, feeling that he was aroused once again. This time he was not so gently and I bit my lip as the pressure started to build once again and as I got my release, he whispered in my ear.

"_Yes!_" he said as he shuddered.

My eyes flew open and I looked up at him. "Yes?" I laughed and kissed him. "Yes!"


	4. Chapter 4

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**PLEASE NOTE: THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED AND FAN ART REFERENCE ADDED: **__**Hawke_Fenris by Amedyr at DeviantArt.**_

_**FOUR**_

Later when I tried to get up, Fenris was back at my side with a cup of the tea that Isabela gave me at the clinic. I looked at the offensive liquid and then up at Fenris but from the look on his face, I knew that he expected me to drink it and that refusing was not an option. I sighed as I took the cup, feeling the warmth seep into my hands.

"You know, the last time I drank that, I admitted I dreamt of our marriage. Now I am almost a married woman! I'm afraid of what I might say this time," I smiled up at him, recalling the night before.

"I promise I'll stop you from embarrassing yourself." He laughed as I took small sips and making a face after each one. "The mage assured me that the tea is necessary to help you recover. I gave him my word that you would drink every last drop."

He sat on the bed and watched as I drank all of the concoction, forcing the sweet liquid down my throat and thinking there was an aftertaste I did not recognize. Once again, I started to feel drowsy as I handed the cup back to him and I vowed that I would not drink another until Anders explained what was in it.

"Now, lie back down and rest," he said, covering me once again.

"Lie with me awhile," I pleaded sleepily and heard him chuckle as he got back into bed with me. I reached over and put my arm on his stomach, trying so hard to stay awake but failing.

I quickly fell into a light, dreamless sleep and was woken when I thought I had heard yelling coming from the main hall. I lifted my head and reached over to the other side of the bed to find that it was empty. I shook my head to focus and was then certain that I heard Varric and Fenris arguing. I moved back the covers and slowly climbed out of bed, picking up the discarded tunic at the foot of the bed and putting it on. The cold floor was a shock as I unsteadily made it outside of my bedroom when I saw Fenris coming back upstairs. From the look on his face, he was not happy to see me up on my feet.

"Was someone at the door?" I tried to ask casually while holding onto the railing and trying not to appear dizzy. He rushed to my side to pick me up like a child and carry me back into my bedroom. I was not about to admit that I would have been unable to make it back to bed unassisted. This was not a feeling I was used to, being helpless and unable to do the simplest things.

"It was Varric but I sent him away. I told him you were resting, which you should be," he chastised as he carried me gently.

"I'm not drinking any more of that blasted tea, Fenris. Whatever it is, it has reduced me to…a weak damsel!" I swore, crossing my arms across my chest as he placed me on the bed.

"I don't know…it gives me plenty of opportunity to practice carrying you," he smirked down at me, making sure that I was covered once again. "The mage…"

"I know, Fenris but it doesn't mean I like feeling so _weak_!"

"We both agreed that if left alone you would have been out the door the moment you were home, fending off slavers or worse. Now tell me that he doesn't know you as well as I do, Hawke?" he asked and I made a face at him. Inwardly, I cringed at how well the two men knew me. I watched as he walked to the other side of the bed and lay down, leaning his head back against the head board and I moved to rest my head on his chest.

"You both think you're so clever, don't you? Funny how you both now decide to get along, to keep me trapped by claiming it's good for my health!" I said as he placed his hand on my chin so I would look up at him. I watched his green eyes soften, which made it hard for me to stay even a little bit mad at him.

"If it meant keeping you safe, even I will agree with the insufferable mage," he said and I raised my eyebrow at him in disbelief. "But it doesn't mean I have to like him, Hawke," he said and I laughed.

"I never said you had to like him, Fenris. I just never thought I would see the day when you agreed with him…on anything!"

"When it comes to you, my love, there is little I would not do," he said and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, again feeling drowsy but this time able to it fight off.

I looked up at him and relaxed, feeling his fingers slowly moving up and down my back. In turn, I slowly trailed my fingers over his chest, gently passing over his lyrium tattoos and placed my hand flat over his heart, feeling it speeding up and I looked up at him again.

"Seelia," he said, placing his hand over mine. "You should be resting."

I moved closer to him and kissed him softly on the lips and he pulled me closer to deepen the kiss until I moved back away and looked at him mischievously.

"You're right, I should be resting," I said as I looked down at his lips and then back up to his eyes and lay back on the pillows. I laughed as he growled and quickly moved to kiss me again until I was breathless, clutching handfuls of his hair.

He sighed as he leaned back slowly, placing one last kiss on my neck and I moved to lay next to him. I rested my head once again on his chest, hugging him as I closed my eyes and fell back asleep listening to his heartbeat.


	5. Chapter 5

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**PLEASE NOTE: THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SLIGHTLY UPDATED. Saw another great pic at DeviantArt that I thought best suited this chapter called Against the Wall by Fightforthelost.**_

_**FIVE**_

I awoke later and saw that Fenris was still fast asleep. I crept out of bed, took clothing from my dresser and was out of the room as quietly as I could manage. I was still a little unsteady on my feet and carefully made my way downstairs. I gathered a short sword so as not to appear entirely defenseless and left the mansion. I was determined to make it to Lowtown on my own, without Fenris stopping me and forcing more of the tea that Anders had convinced him was making me better.

As luck would have it, I ran into Donnic and he accompanied me to The Hanged Man where I knew I would find Varric and Isabela. He promised to send Aveline as soon as he made it back to the barracks. I walked in and made my way to the back rooms where Varric lived and found that as usual, they were playing a round of cards. I stood by the doorway and said loudly, "Does anyone know where I could find a good game of Wicked Grace? Mind you, it's been a while and I may wind up losing more money in one hand than I normally would."

They turned and looked at me like I was the last person they expected to see. They looked at each other and both got up quickly to hug me. "Hawke! Back from the dead and still causing trouble!" Varric exclaimed as he lifted me up and swung me around.

I stumbled, dizzy and fell against Isabela's chest as she threw her arms around me. I found my face plastered to her ample bosom, flailing my arms while Varric laughter at my discomfort. I moved back and she winked at me.

"Don't act like that wasn't on purpose, Hawke," she joked as I cleared my throat.

"Where is everyone? I have news to share!"

"Merrill will be by shortly. I have been trying to teach her how to play cards," Isabela said and smirked as Varric made a comment on just how she was teaching her to play. "She's been a busy bee lately. Helping Anders, it seems."

"I wouldn't hold my breath on Blondie showing up. He stopped coming by long ago. Says Justice won't let him get drunk anymore."

"I've asked Donnic to send Aveline by so that just leaves…." I said as I sat down at the table. "Wait. Did you say Merrill is _helping_ Anders? Helping him with _what_ exactly?"

"From what I've gathered, mostly gathering various herbs that he can't locate in the city. I think he trades them with the Gallows vendor, Solivitus," Isabela said. I had a hard time figuring out what would make Anders ask Merrill for help. He had been very vocal about her use of blood magic.

"Well that's new. I guess you have yet to teach Merrill how to properly say '_no_' then, Isabela?" I smiled. "What about Sebastian? What are the chances he will be coming by? I need to ask him for a favor," I asked but caught the look that passed between them. They seemed to be having an argument without saying a word. "Am I missing something? What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, no one has seen Sebastian since you were brought back, bleeding in his arms," Isabela said and reached for my hand. "After Anders and Fenris worked together to save you, they turned on him for everything that happened. They blamed him for you almost dying. He was lucky they were both so drained from whatever Anders did that we were able to pull them off."

"Fenris was too weak to use his lyrium attack," Varric added. "Aveline took him back to the Chantry and he has not returned since. I think he also blames himself."

"He has no reason to blame himself! She fooled us all," I said.

"Were you better I would suggest storming the Chantry and dragging him out," Isabela joked.

"Maybe next time," I grinned. "Can I ask maybe that one of you visit the Chantry and make sure he knows that I do not blame him? I really do need to speak with him," I said and we both looked at Isabela.

"Why not? I think it should be fun seeing how he explains me to those uptight…."

"Try not to get him in too much trouble, Isabela," I pleaded waving at the overly sensual pirate.

"Who _me_? You always know how to ruin a girl's fun, Hawke!" she said and laughed.

Soon after Merrill and Aveline arrived and I was hugged by the both of them as well. I asked them to all sit down so that I could share my good news with them.

"I wanted you all to hear this directly from me," I said and took a big breath. "We're getting married!"

"Married?" Varric said, choking on his ale. "Are you actually saying that the broody elf said 'Yes'?"

"That is exactly what I am saying. I want each of you to stand with me. And that is why I need Sebastian as well. I need him to ask the Grand Cleric if she will marry us."

Again I was buried in hugs and congratulations from those I trusted the most.

"Well, no wonder he wouldn't let us see you. He wants you all to himself already. Greedy elf!" muttered Isabela and I turned to her.

"Exactly how many times has he turned you away?"

"To be honest, it was more than a few times. You were sleeping so much lately and he didn't want anyone to disturb you," Isabela admitted and I bit my lip.

"_Hawke!_" I turned and saw Fenris standing at the open doorway and I could see that he was not very happy to see me here. Varric and the others went to congratulate him and he looked back at me, confused that they sounded so genuine.

"Well, I have been very bad this evening and Fenris has come to take me home to rest. I just could not wait to tell you and I hope that you will all visit me soon, especially to help me plan!" I said and got up. I walked over to Fenris and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face to his, kissing him lightly. His face softened and he placed his hand softly on my cheek.

Varric walked up to Fenris and grasped his forearm. "I always knew that if someone could change you, it would be Hawke," he said and he leaned closer to him. "But just so you know, if you hurt her, Bianca and I will find creative ways to hurt you, elf."

"Good to know, dwarf. Now if you will excuse us, Hawke needs her rest," he said and bowed to everyone. I turned to take my leave when Varric stopped me as well.

"You should really try to see your sister now that you're feeling better, Hawke. Cullen should be able to sneak you in, if you ask him. He kind-of owes you after you helped him with his missing recruits," he said and smirked. "Plus I think he's sweet on Sunshine."

"The Templar? Are you certain? Very well, I shall speak to him tomorrow. Thank you, Varric." I said and bowed my head to him, following after Fenris, who had left without a word.

I thought about visiting Bethany many times now that she was at the Circle tower, something I knew no family member had ever been allowed to do. I regretted giving into our mother and convincing Bethany to remain in Kirkwall while I ventured into the Deep Roads with Varric, Fenris and a very reluctant Anders. Templars had found Bethany and had taken her from our home while I was far away, unable to protect her. I knew that our mother blamed herself, while I blamed our uncle, who most likely sold the information of an apostate mage, regardless that she was his niece. He was forever in debt. I was sure that Bethany blamed me as well and I could not gather the courage to face her.

Fenris stayed quiet as we left the tavern and I was hoping he would not be overly angry with me for sneaking off to speak to our friends when I was supposed to be resting. When we made it back to the mansion and when he still had not said a word to me, I began to worry. I stopped and leaned against the nearest wall in the entrance to catch my breath. He had kept a fast pace the entire way back to Hightown and I had to hurry to keep close to him.

"Are you alright, Fenris? You have been very quiet."

"No, I am not. I woke to find you gone. You're barely able to manage the walk, let alone a sword. What if you were attacked?" he said, striding angrily to my side.

"Donnic was kind enough to walk with me to the Hanged Man, Fenris," I informed him.

"And what if you had not run across Donnic on his patrol? What would you have done then? The people of Kirkwall love you, Hawke, but there are plenty who would want to get their revenge on you! Why can't you see that you are not as invincible as you think?" he asked and smashed his fist against the wall and I flinched. He laid his head gently on my chest and I could feel him trembling. "I almost _lost_ you. I can't….can't bear to lose you again," he said softly and leaned against me. Over his shoulder I saw Bodahn coming to see what the commotion was and I waved him away.

I put my hands on his face and lifted his chin so that he could meet my eyes. "You did lose me, Fenris. I died and with your help, I have been given a second chance, one I am not willing to waste."

"_Hawke_…"

"No, Fenris. You cannot call me that and expect me to play the damsel. Not when I have the strength to help those that cannot. There are people in Kirkwall that need my help. I want you by my side always but I will not stop," I told him softly and kissed him.

"_Seelia_…" he whispered as he kissed my throat.

"Fenris, will you stay by my side? I am nothing without you, my love," I begged as he kissed his way up to my mouth.

"Nothing could keep me away!" he growled and kissed my lips hard and I pulled at his hair.

"I'm very sorry, mistress, but…"

"It can wait, Orana!" I said, out of breath as Fenris kissed my throat, his hands on my breasts.

"Maybe I should visit tomorrow, Hawke. You seem to be busy." I heard from just past Orana and my eyes flew open. Anders was standing just inside the main hall, petting Jasper, my mabari hound who was lounging in front of the fireplace. I heard Fenris' low growl as he moved away from me and turned to Anders.

"It is rather late for you to stop by, mage," he said and crossed his

arms across his chest.

"That will be all, Orana, thank you. Go get some sleep," I said and she gave a quick curtsey. I could see that she was blushing and was in a hurry to get away from the three of us. I didn't blame her.

"I agree, Anders. It is rather late for a visit."

"I have been busy with patients all day, Hawke. This is the first chance I had to stop by to see how you were doing," he said and cleared his throat. "Much better, I see."

"Yes, much better. Fenris and I have just returned from the Hanged Man," I told him, ignoring the uncomfortable observation.

"Why are you here, Anders?" Fenris asked.

"I came to examine Hawke, of course. If that is ok with you, Fenris?" Anders asked and looked at the both of us.

"I will leave you to it then," Fenris said gruffly and left us.

I looked at Anders as Fenris walked passed him. I caught the slight nod he gave the mage as he passed him before walking further into the house.

"Well then...shall we?" he asked and held out his arm to me. I looked at him standing disheveled in his mage robes, looking very tired and unshaven and decided it was best to get this visit done as quickly as possible. I walked across the room to him and together we walked up to my room. I carefully climbed the stairs, hoping that he did not see that it made me tired.

"Why _are _you here so late, Anders?"

"I am here to see you, Hawke. And to borrow a book I recall seeing once but I'm having a difficult time locating it. Your library has greatly expanded since I was here last," he said as I sat down on the large chair in front of the fireplace. Bodahn had made sure there was a fire going whenever I was at home and the added warmth felt wonderful.

"Yes, well. Fenris and I also enjoy reading as well while we are together," I said, regretting it the moment I said but he kept his face neutral. He kneeled down in front of me and went about checking the wounds he had healed, feeling the tightness of the scars.

"Are you drinking the teas I sent? Fenris gave his word that you would."

"I have but if I may ask, what is in them? I drink them and get so tired afterwards. And there's a peculiar aftertaste…"

"It is simply made from herbs that were gathered from here and around Kirkwall. Merrill has been kind enough to help me with the ones I could not locate," he explained.

"Yes I was surprised to hear that. I hope you are not asking Merrill to do anything that will put her in any danger, Anders."

"She does not go alone, Hawke. I accompany her, to make sure she is safe," he assured me.

"I'm glad. All she ever wants is for you to not hate her," I said and he stayed quiet.

"She is very trusting. I am trying to overlook her choice but it is not easy."

"I only hope that if it something dangerous, you know you can always come to me, Anders. Despite our past, I will help you with whatever it is that you may need. You do know this, right?"

"Always," he said and gave me a sad smile. "Well, now, other than needing rest, I don't see why you can't be out and about soon enough. I left a few more teas…"I started to argue with him and he waved me silent. "…but once you have finished them you will not need to drink any more. Yes, they will make you tired but think of it as recharging yourself. Your body needs to rest up before you try to get yourself in another dangerous situation."

I took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Alright, but only because you promised not to force more of those bloody teas to drink," I said and he got up to leave. I got up to follow him down the stairs.

"Good. I will see you again soon."

"Good evening, Anders. A little warning next time would be nice," I reminded him as I walked him back down the stairs.

"Yes I was about to suggest you two get a room…"

"This is my home, Anders. This late we did not expect an audience."

"Not too much strenuous activity, Hawke. That is what I advised," he reminded me and I glared at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fenris relaxing in from of the fireplace in the library and turned to join him.

"Good night, Anders!" I repeated, knowing that Anders would see himself out.

I walked into the library and sat down on the floor by his chair, leaning my head against his knee. I could think of no better way to end a day than to be here, relaxing in front of a lit fireplace. I could feel Fenris running his fingers through my long dark hair, massaging my neck.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" I heard him say, holding out a strand for me to see. I turned and saw that it was now completely white.

"I thought the smell of burnt hair was bad enough," I groaned as I took the strand.

"I think it makes you look distinguished," he said and grinned as I groaned yet again. "I know just what will make you feel better," he said and got out of the chair, pulling me up with him.

"If you're about to suggest a cup of that wretched tea…" I started to say as he helped me up and suddenly placed me onto his shoulder.

"Well, that among other things," he laughed and easily carried me up the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**SIX**_

The next afternoon I sat in the garden with Merrill and Isabela while Varric took Fenris to look for proper wedding clothes, promising to speak with Knight-Captain Cullen about my visiting with Bethany soon. We had decided to contact the seamstress that had made the gown Anders had purchased for me and Merrill was certain she could convince the woman to visit me here in Hightown. I had hoped that Aveline would have visited as well since she was newly remarried but I knew she was still busy at the barracks as Guard Captain.

I was trying to get more information about exactly what kinds of herbs that Merrill was collecting for Anders but could not figure out what he needed with some of the ones she described. When Fenris and Varric returned I dutifully drank the dreadful tea and made plans to see them later when Merrill returned with the seamstress. Varric promised to take Fenris out again so as not to see the gown I was hoping to wear.

Fenris would not comment on where exactly Varric took him but from the look of discomfort he wore, I knew he was not looking forward to going back. I laughed as I described the plans that still needed to be made and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow, content now that I was so close to the fulfillment of my dreams.

-)(-

I awoke later that evening as Varric was dragging a reluctant Fenris out of the mansion. I stretched, now well rested and got out of bed. I was able to enjoy a warm bath before Merrill returned with a small woman who stood and stared at me as I approached her carrying the gown Anders had purchased for me. She smiled when I asked her to make my wedding gown.

She had me try on the gown and proceeded to take my measurements, asking me what type of material and how soon I would need the dress. She began to describe the types of dresses she had once made in Denerim and I knew I was in good hands. We spoke of missing our homes, she in Denerim and mine in Lothering. I inquired if she planned on returning to Ferelden when I heard voices coming from the main hall.

"Why must you always be so stubborn? If I have to drag you out of the Chantry one more time, prince, it's not going to be pretty, I can guarantee you that!" I heard and turned to see Isabela and Aveline, with a very flustered Sebastian in between them.

"It wasn't very pretty this time, what more can you do to the poor man, Isabela? I'm sure the Grand Cleric will have many questions for you once you return later, Sebastian," Aveline chuckled and they stood in the doorway so he had no other choice but to enter the room.

I turned to the seamstress and asked if she had everything she needed. I gave her coin and told her to return when there would be fewer distractions. She gave a quick curtsy and left the room, smiling at the new comers politely.

When I was finally able to give my full attention, I turned and walked slowly over to Sebastian, who was standing away from his abductors and avoiding my eyes. I took his hand and stood in front him, giving him time to finally look at me as I leaned forward to hug him. I owed him more than my life and could not think of how to properly thank him. He stiffened at first and finally put his arms around me.

"_Seelia, I am so sorry_…" he started softly but I placed my hand on his lips and stopped him.

"No Sebastian, do not apologize. You didn't know she would betray us. You are a _good_ man," I said and placed my hands on the side of his face. "It is in your nature to trust those in the Chantry. She fooled everyone."

"Not you. You knew she was up to something. I would not listen to you," he said, finally turning his intense blue eyes at me. "I almost got you killed."

"No Sebastian; that was entirely my fault. I knew she was not to be trusted. I underestimated her hatred of the Qunari and what lengths she was willing to go. I should have listened to you, when you cautioned that we should go back but I thought nothing of my wounds. I should have listened to you, my friend. Without your help, I would have died."

"You did die!" he said, his eyes flashing.

"You took me to Anders, even when I pleaded for you not to. You carried me to the one person who could save my life," I told him. "It was my fault, Sebastian, not yours. Do not blame yourself. I forbid it! Had I been a better leader, none of this would have happened."

"I swore that I would repay you for helping me avenge my family's death, Hawke and instead I almost got you killed."

"I asked for no payment, Sebastian."

"You helped me even when no one would…"

"And I need your help with something as well, Sebastian," I said and looked at my friends for help. They of course ignored my pleading looks and I turned back, taking a deep breath.

"Of course, Seelia. Anything."

"You are the only one who has always called me by my name, Sebastian," I smiled.

"I do not mean any disrespect…"

"No it's nice to be called that by my friends," I said and smiled at his discomfort. "Sebastian, I need you to speak with the Grand Cleric for me…"  
>"I have already spoken to her about what Mother Petrice has done…" he interrupted and I took his hand, leading him to chairs near the fireplace.<p>

"No I need a different sort of favor, Sebastian," I said and blushed. "I need you to speak to her about something else entirely. You see, I'm getting married!"

"Married? Seelia, I had no idea! That's wonderful news!" he said and got to his feet. "I will speak to her immediately. Come to Chantry later and we shall set everything for you."

I stood to and he hugged me again. He turned and looked at both women who blocked the doorway and they moved to let him pass.

"Sebastian, I apologize that Fenris attacked you at the clinic. I cannot speak for Anders, but Fenris should not have lashed out at you as he did," I said and he looked back at me.

"They love you. I understand completely," he said and looked at me again in the gown. "May I add, you will be a vision to behold, Seelia. Fenris is a very lucky man," he said and continued on his way.

Isabela and Aveline looked at each other and I caught the look that passed between them. I waited until I was certain that Sebastian had left before I walked towards them.

"And what was _that_ look for?" I asked them.

"Look? What look?" Isabela asked, eyes widening as she smiled.

"The one you gave Aveline as Sebastian left. Don't play coy with me, Isabela. I know your looks all have meaning. What was that look?" I demanded as Aveline tried to discretely cover her mouth. I turned to her and she looked away. She ran a hand through her ginger hair instead and would not meet my eyes.

"Well, it was just that…that was a little awkward," was all Aveline would say as an explanation.

"Explain. Clearly there is something you both saw that I missed," I said and glared at them.

"It's just…"

"It seems someone regrets his vows, Hawke," Isabela said and grinned as my jaw dropped.

"What are you talking about?" I was unable to grasp what she was insinuating.

"Hawke, Sebastian has always fancied you. Had he not made vows, he would show you why he's stuck in that Chantry!" she laughed as I blushed.

"You've lost your mind! Both of you!" I said and threw up my hands as they both laughed at me. I turned and looked at Merrill, who was silently sitting and giggling into my mabari's fur. I could see her shoulders shaking as she was trying to keep her face hidden. I walked away from them and stared at the fire. "No matter. He will speak to the Grand Cleric and I will soon be married."

"Yes but now you'll always wonder," she added mischievously.

"Isabela!" exclaimed Aveline, but I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"No, Isabela, I will not. I love Fenris. There is no need to wonder."

"Well I guess that answers my question," she said and I turned back to her as she walked towards me.

"And what would that be exactly?"

"I was just wondering how he was. He's always so moody and dour, I just never expected to find him in your bed, let alone doing such a good job. Maker knows he needed a good tumble and I guess I figured I would be the one to give it to him but he always refused. So I now I'm wondering exactly what made him so wonderful in bed that you're not willing to share, hmm?" she asked and winked at me as I blushed brightly. "I bet that bed of yours has quite a story to tell if it could."

"Isabela!" I managed to say as she laughed at my embarrassment.

"Well, good to know that I'm not the only one who's going to be getting these kind of questions," Aveline laughed.

I turned just as Fenris and Varric were walking into the main hall. I looked as he stood in front of the fire and hung his head, looking weary from a long morning. I walked to the doorway and leaned against it, watching him with a smile on my face, no longer hearing the comments that Isabella was making in my direction. I walked into the main hall as he sat down on the floor, stretching out his legs and I sat down next to him with my back to the fireplace.

"I've missed you terribly," I told him, taking his hand and he smiled. He placed his hand gently on my cheek and looked into my eyes. I leaned forward and kissed him, forgetting that our friends were still with us, wanting only a reminder that in the end, all I truly needed was him.

"No, Isabela, I don't think she will ever wonder at all," I heard Aveline say softly.


	7. Chapter 7

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Inspiration for this chapter goes to one of my favorite fan art pieces called Extra Time in Your Kiss done by Louvette Solidum-Escuadro, also a great pic of Anders and Hawke by Aimo. Check them out on DeviantArt.**_

_**SEVEN**_

The next morning I rose early to visit The Gallows. It made me uncomfortable to think that Bethany was stuck in the Circle with no hope of ever being released. Once a mage entered the Circle, they were there to stay, especially with the Knight-Commander Meredith in charge of the Kirkwall Circle. Every day I regretted not going against our mothers wishes that Bethany stay with her while we went into the Deep Roads but I knew that Carver's death had been unbearable for her and losing Bethany as well to the darkspawn would have broken her heart. And yet in my absence she was taken to the Circle and despite all I had done for Kirkwall, I would not see my sister outside of these walls unless something drastic changed. I was only thankful that Cullen, a Knight-Commander I had once helped, felt that he owed me and could sneak me into the tower while Meredith was busy elsewhere.

I was nervous as I walked into the Tower with Cullen, fidgeting in the dress and shawl I wore instead of my usual armor, taking in the large front halls. I followed him up the stairs to the First Enchanters office, who had granted me the use of for my visit with my sister. I could see that he wished to speak to me but for now, I was here only for my sister. She got up as I came in and hugged me tightly, shaking slightly as I clung to her. I could sense that Cullen stood at the door longer than I expected him and when I turned to him, he looked away and closed the door finally. I took my sister's hand and we sat together on the window seat. I looked into amber brown eyes, so much like my own and touched her hair and her face, taking in every change of feature. She tolerated my touches and smiled at me. I was glad I had worn a proper gown that did not reveal my new scars. I hid the one on my chest as best as I could with my long dark hair.

"Are you well, Bethany? I've missed you so much!" I finally said as tears fell from my eyes.

"Hush, dear sister. Do not cry. I am well. I have missed you so as well," she said calmly, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"There is not a day that goes by that I wish I had insisted that you go with me into the Deep Roads," I told her, looking at the floor.

"I used to wonder what would have happened if I had just gone with you instead of staying with mother. But then I remember the darkspawn that killed Carver and I think that perhaps this, being here is preferable than a slow death. At least now you don't have to try so hard to protect me," she said and I looked at her. "And besides, it's not as bad as I had imagined."

"Varric seems to think Cullen is sweet on you," I laughed and I saw her light blush.

"The Knight-Captain is fair to mages, unlike some. I think you've helped change his mind on a lot of things, sister," she said. "I'm glad you could come to visit me. It's not often that others are allowed visitors. To be honest, not many of the families bother to petition for the right to visit the Gallows."

"I'm sure Meredith would try to keep me away now that I know I have an ally in the Knight-Captain. At least, I hope I can count him as an ally for now," I said, looking at the door he had exited.

"I doubt she could keep you away if she tried, sister!" she laughed.

I took her hand and looked at her. "I'm going to petition the viscount, Bethany. I'm getting married and I want you to be with me when I do."

"Married! Maker!" she said and smiled. "I only wish mother was still around to see this happen."

"As do I, Bethany," I said. Outside, something caught the corner of my eye and I turned to look at what appeared to be a garden behind the Gallows. "What is out there?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure. Meredith does not allow any mage to go there but I can see what might have once been a garden," she said and looked out as well. "I see that he has returned once again. I don't know how he knows, but he's always here whenever the Knight-Commander is away from the Gallows."

I turned again to say something to her when Cullen opened the door. I knew that I would soon need to leave and wished once again that she did not need to stay here.

"It's been nice seeing you, sister. Talk to the viscount. I'm sure he will make the exception if you petition for your wedding. Even Meredith cannot go against his wishes," she said and stood up. I quickly got to my feet and hugged her tightly.

"I will be back to let you know soon, Bethany. I refuse to get married without my sister by my side," I said as Cullen gestured that I would need to leave. I followed him down the stairs and asked about the garden. He reluctantly agreed to let me see it, but cautioned me about the approaching storm. He led me to through the maze of corridors until we were finally outside again and he reminded me that Meredith would return soon. I bowed my head and walked towards the garden.

I walked towards the lone figure that was squatting on the ground and as I approached, I realized that this was not a garden, but a graveyard, hidden from view of the circle tower. He bowed his head as he cleared the simple headstone as I quietly approached him.

"I thought this was a garden. I see now why mages are not allowed to come here," I said softly, seeing the name on the headstone was of the mage we had tried to save so long ago.

"Yes it would certainly upset those still in the Gallows to know that the ones they lost were still close at hand," he said, not looking at me.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Anders. I would imagine Meredith would not be amused to find you here."

"As a Grey Warden, there isn't much Meredith can do to me. If they learned she tried to force me into the circle, they would demand my release. Not that returning to them would be any better than the Gallows," he said and finally looked at me. I looked into his sad brown eyes and wished I had not interrupted him.

"I will leave you in peace, Anders. Good day," I said and turned to leave.

"Don't go. I was just tending the gravestone. The Templars do little or nothing to keep the graves clean even though I doubt anyone is ever allowed back here once a mage is buried," he said, getting to his feet and turning to me. "I could use the company."

I stopped and looked at him. "Alright, but only if you tell me a little about Karl. You've never spoken of him beyond that he was a mage you knew at one of the circles when you were in back in Ferelden." There was a stone bench close to the wall and we walked to it as he explained.

"Karl was one of the few people I considered to be my friend and when he was transferred to a different circle, I escaped one last time. When I was captured, the Keep we had stopped in had been attacked by darkspawn and it was there I was given one of two choices: become a Warden or die as a maleficar. Warden Commander Amell herself conscripted me," he said and I looked at him as we sat on the bench.

"Amell? Siobhan Amell?"

"Yes. I forget sometimes that your mother's maiden name was Amell. Did you know her?" he asked.

"She was a cousin. When we moved to Lothering, my father wanted to find some way to rescue Siobhan from the circle but she would not leave. Her father would not acknowledge her since she was a mage and she knew that we were having a hard enough time hiding the fact that Bethany and my father were mages outside of the circle. She did not want to bring any more attention to my family, so she stayed in the circle. My father had no choice but to respect her wishes," I said and looked at the ground. "I knew the Hero of Ferelden had been a mage, but not that it was Siobhan. And here you are, a former Warden who also knew her. My father would have been proud," I said and looked at him again. "You remind me a little of him, Anders, in your dedication to the freedom of mages. I've always wanted to tell you that," I confessed and he smiled at me.

"I come here when I get a chance to talk to Karl like we used to back in the circle. I know he's gone but it's nice to think that he can still hear me," he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. "I've told Karl about the time you stopped me…_us_ from harming Ella. Hawke, if you hadn't stepped in…"

"It wasn't you, Anders. Seeing that Justice had taken over, I knew that the only way to get through to you was by coming between you and the mage," I said, recalling my desperate attempt to bring Anders to his senses by finally throwing my arms around him and feeling the electricity surge through me briefly before he realized it was my screams he heard and won back control from Justice.

"And still you did not run from me," he said sadly and I could only nod. I sat quietly besides him longer than I intended and finally realized that the sky was darker than when I had first entered the garden. I wrapped the shawl closer around my shoulders and quickly got up as the sky opened up and it started to pour. We both laughed as we ran to the closest shelter to the bench where we sat, an alcove in the side wall that was still well away from the tower yet the space was small and we were forced to stand close together in silence.

"How did you find a way back here? I didn't even know this area was here," I asked finally.

"Merrill wandered in here one night. You've no doubt heard that she often wanders into the private gardens of the viscount and somehow found her way here. I asked her to show me the way when she described it to me and I knew that it was the mage graveyard behind the Circle," he answered. "Don't worry. She hasn't been back since I explained what this place was."

The rain fell harder and we pressed ourselves as far back as possible so as not to get soaked and I could tell he was sheltering me as much as he could. I was having a hard time being this close to him, getting a good look at his robes so I didn't stand there looking directly at his face.

"Seelia, I've heard from Varric and Isabela that you're getting married. Is this true?" he asked and I closed my eyes before answering.

"Yes, it's true. I've been trying to find a way to tell you," I said softly and he sighed.

"Are you sure this is what you want? With Fenris?" he asked and I looked away from him. "I know I had no right to hold out hope for us. I've done too much to ruin everything we had worked so hard for. But still not a day does not go by that I do not think of you. You made me a better man, each and every day we were together, Seelia," he said and leaned closer to me, brushing his lips against mine and once again, I recalled all the times I had done the same. I stood there, so close yet not closing the distance it would take to kiss him as I once had. I finally found the strength to push him back and I saw the look of disappointment in his eyes. To prove my point, I drew the dagger I had hidden at my waist and forced him to move away from me.

"No, Anders, come no closer. You left me, remember? You broke my heart every time you sided with Justice, when every time I sided with you, helped you in your cause," I asked, tears filling my eyes. "Where were you when my mother died and I needed you most? You speak of me making you a better man and yet you were never there for me! It was Fenris and Sebastian and everyone else who came to be by my side while you went off to sulk." I put my dagger back in my belt and pushed him harder back now into the rain. I strode towards him, getting instantly soaked by the rain.

"I was never enough for you, Anders. I learned too late that I could never compete with Justice." I could see the slight hint of aura of power surrounding Anders at the mention of Justice, as he was losing control in his anger. "And here he is, coming out now, now that I've made you angry. Hello, _Justice_. Am I to expect the same as last time we met, before Anders came to his senses and saw that you had his staff at my throat?" I yelled and Anders took back control, hearing and remembering the last argument we had. He had left for good that night when he realized he had come close to hurting me. His face crumpled and he turned away from me.

"If you cannot be happy for me, Anders, then let me go. Do not come to my wedding," I begged him and he turned to me.

"Seelia…" he started to say and stopped. "Maker's breath! Your eyes!"

I turned and ran back to the circle tower, running into Cullen who was still waiting for me to return. I ran past him and through the halls, finding my way out of the tower and rushing back to Hightown as quickly as I could manage, never wondering what he meant about my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**EIGHT**_

I made it back into the mansion without running into either Bodahn or Orana, feeling guilty that I had trailed water from the entrance all the way up the stairs to my bedroom. I peeled off the wet gown and wrapped myself in a soft blanket, sitting with my knees drawn close to me on the large chair closest to the fireplace, shivering from more than the downpour. I rested my head on the armrest, staring at the fire, wishing that I could stop the tears from falling.

_Maker, that was not the way I wanted to tell him, _I thought as I recalled my confrontation with Anders. I had not stopped thinking about it since I had fled the Gallows, not only reliving every harsh word, but feeling the soft brush of his lips once again on mine and again I shivered. I closed my eyes, hoping for some small measure of peace as I tried to clear my head. Finally I was able to drift off but my dreams were no better.

I recalled the sweet months we shared before Justice made his disapproval of our happiness apparent. I recalled the many times I had to venture into Darktown alone late at night, cutting through the cellar entrance that was so close to his clinic. Those nights I found him still busy healing, weary and drained. Some nights I would find him asleep at his crowded desk, quill still in hand. Once the ink pot had spilled and stained his hair. On those occasions I would simply cover him and pick up a few of the discarded items around him, leaving them within reach in case he later woke in need of them. A few times I found him alone in the downstairs library on the nights when he managed to get away but not wanting to wake me from my sleep. Those nights I would often join him in front of the fire, stealing moments of intimacy from the roles we had had placed upon ourselves, as defender and apostate mage, each bound to help those in need of us. For those brief moments, we could put aside our responsibilities to all but each other.

As quickly as the memories had come, another flashed that I did not recognize. I somehow knew that this memory was not mine. I was in a cold, dark room that was unfamiliar and could feel despair from one corner in particular. I crept closer to a small figure of a child, a boy who was huddled in the corner, weeping. My heart went out to the lonely child and I moved closer to him, wanting only to wrap my arms around him. I held open my arms to him and he buried his face in my neck. Finally he turned his tear streaked face towards me and I took in his fair hair and light brown eyes, recognizing them as the eyes I had gazed at so often before. I placed my hand on his cheek and he hiccupped.

"You have…such pretty eyes," he said and I jolted awake.

I lifted my head and looked around for the child, knowing that he was nothing more a figment of my unconscious mind…yet he had felt so real in my arms! I could only wonder briefly why I would find a childlike version of Anders in my dream. I wondered if that was in some way what his life might have been like, growing up alone in the circle. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to recall more details. I could not recall if in our time together, if Anders ever really revealed any of his life before becoming a Warden. There had been so much he had kept to himself and it saddened me that he had.

I looked up and saw that Fenris had come into the room with the final cup of tea that Anders had left me. I gave him a sleepy smile as I sat up, holding the blanket in place as I reached up to take it from him. As I reached for it, I stubbornly decided I would not follow Anders directions and purposely let the cup slip from my grasp. I acted as if I could not believe my clumsy fingers, leaning forward to be sure that the offensive liquid was completely absorbed by the rug. I gave Fenris my best innocent face as I looked back up at him, biting my lip to keep from smiling. He gave me a crooked smile and squeezed into the chair besides me and I leaned on his shoulder, thankfully not as wet as when I had returned earlier.

He grabbed a corner of the blanket and used it to try to dry more of my hair. It had gotten so long since we had moved into the Hightown mansion, now that I didn't have to worry about such simple luxuries like washing it out. I had kept it short in the first few years after we arrived in Kirkwall. Most days I wanted nothing more than to cut it off but sitting here as he ran his fingers through it gave me reason enough to keep it.

"Were you able to meet with your sister today?" he asked as he continued to rub my damp hair.

"Yes, I was able to see her but only for a little while. We couldn't be sure when Meredith would return so Cullen asked that I keep it short. I want to petition the viscount that she be allowed to attend the wedding. Surely with his blessing Meredith cannot keep her from joining us," I sighed and yawned, now thankfully warm with him by my side.

"I had hoped you would not have gotten caught out in the rain but here I find you wrapped in a blanket by the fire, drying off and shivering," he said and kissed my forehead. He stood up once again and pulled me up from the chair, leading me to the welcoming bed. Even without the tea, I was suddenly so tired and wanted to lie down and rest. We got underneath the covers and I pressed up against him for the added warmth of his body and drifted off again.

-)(-

Later I opened my eyes feeling refreshed. I looked over at Fenris still sleeping, wondering what he must be dreaming as he had a faint smile on his face. I leaned up on my elbow to take my weight off his arm that had been under my head when I woke, to get a better view of him, his face so peaceful. I stared at his lips as he breathed out and could not help myself for leaning in to give him a light kiss.

His other arm wrapped around me quickly and pulled me closer to him to deepen the kiss. _I should have known he was awake! _I thought to myself. I moved my head back to look at him and he smiled up at me.

"What were you staring at?" he asked, rubbing his hands lightly on my back as I settled on his chest.

"I rarely get a chance to watch you sleep. You looked so peaceful, my love," I said as his hands now moved towards my spine.

"So you thought to wake me with a kiss?"

"I couldn't help it. I should have known you were faking!" I laughed as he tickled my sides. I looked at his eyes and could see that the hint of passion taking over as I squirmed in laughter. His hand reached up and moved my hair out of my eyes as he cradled my face. I leaned forward and kissed him again, hearing contentment coming from his throat as I now moved closer to him.

"If you keep this up we may never leave this bed again," he said and looked up at me.

"I'm sure eventually something might need our attention that will force us away but for now, I don't think you want me to stop," I smiled down at him as he gripped my hips to bring me closer to him. I leaned my head back as I continued to move while he thrust to meet me and as the waves of pleasure built, I noticed that his fingers dug in tighter and his movement had somehow changed.

"_Seelia…_"a voice moaned and my eyes flew open as the voice did not belong to Fenris. I could not move as my body was now too far gone and I closed my eyes again as my muscles tightened around him within seconds of his release. As soon as I had some control of my body, I looked down and thankfully it was not..._No, that's impossible!_ I thought as I moved off to his side and he put his arm tight around my waist. I kept my face turned away from him, not wanting him to see that I was frightened.


	9. Chapter 9

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**NINE**_

Time went by and things returned to the way they were before I was gravely injured. I made multiple trips to the Gallows to visit Bethany whenever Meredith was called away from the tower yet I felt somehow she knew, especially when Viscount Dumar granted my request. Often I would come across her at the Keep and she would glare suspiciously at me. During my visits I purposely avoided looking out of the First Enchanters window for fear of spotting Anders again.

On the day of my final fitting, I asked Orana to go to the Chantry and ask Sebastian to visit at his earlier convenience, knowing he would return with her. I chose this day because Fenris would be out and I could speak to Sebastian alone when the seamstress was gone. The dreams I had were coming more frequently and on nights that Fenris returned to his mansion, I often went on patrol with Donnic or spent as much of the evening at the Hanged Man with my companions, doing anything to avoid remaining alone.

They returned as I was inspecting myself in a mirror that Bodahn had moved into the library, with the seamstress appraising the final touches to my wedding gown. I looked at the little details that made it beautiful yet simple. I heard a gasp and looked to the open doorway where Orana and Sebastian stood and I turned to them. Orana clapped her hands together and I could see she approved. As I walked towards them, I could see thoughts flickering in Sebastian's eyes as he bowed formally to me. I smiled and asked Orana to show him to the garden while I changed and they walked towards the back of the mansion. I changed with the help of the seamstress and was finally able to join him outside.

"I can't believe this is really happening," I said as I approached the seats where he had made himself comfortable.

"If there is anyone who deserves to be happy, it is you, Seelia. You look very different wearing that gown. It suits you," he said as I sat down close to him.

"It certainly has more material than I'm used to," I laughed nervously.

"Are you feeling alright? Orana would only say that you wished to speak to me."

I sat there and tried to organize my thoughts, wondering what I could tell him and not sound completely…insane. I could not share with him the full truth but I desperately needed council about what was troubling me.

"Is this about the wedding? Seelia, if you're having doubts…"

"No! No doubts about that whatsoever! It's more…I doubt myself. I don't feel like myself. At times I feel like I am someone else, seeing things through someone else's eyes. I cannot explain it any better and it frightens me," I confessed. He took my hands in his and waited for me to continue. "There are times when I cannot remember what I have done or where I had been."

"Have you seen Anders? Surely he can help."

"No!" I quickly said. "I…Anders knows about the wedding."

"How…?"

"Apparently Varric and Isabela were toasting to us at the Hanged Man. He had not gone in some time and they had not expected him to make an appearance. He went in to dine with Varric and overheard them."

"Do you still have an open tab for him at the tavern?" he asked.

"Yes. He thinks Varric is covering his meals because I asked him not to tell Anders. I also make sure he is decently stocked in supplies. I make regular donations with Lirene and the rest she passes along to him."

"You do so much for everyone. It must have been difficult confirming your marriage to Fenris, given your past relationship with Anders," he said and I gave him a weary grin.

"More than you know. We fought like usual and I have not the courage to return to speak to him," I admitted.

"I've seen him near the Chantry lately and have even tried to approach him but he leaves as soon as I spot him," he said. "It can't be easy for him to see you move on with Fenris. Surely you can set aside your differences…"

"I can't. The last thing I told him was no to come to my wedding if he could not be happy for me."

"A normal request, I assure you."

"Sebastian, when I am alone, I find myself in the oddest places. When Fenris is not with me, I dare not stay," I said and looked down at my hands, trying to find the best way to explain. "Last night I woke in the cellar, with no recollection how I had gotten there."

"Were you hurt? Had you been in a fight?" he asked and I would not meet his eyes. The little I could recall, I could share not with him. I could hazily recall…a familiar touch.

"No," was all I would admit. "I've been having dreams as well, yet they feel like memories that do not belong to me."

"Seelia, I feel that when Anders brought you back, it triggered something…guilt, perhaps? Those that have survived often have trouble adjusting to the second chance they have been given. I suggested you speak with the Grand Cleric. Perhaps her council will ease you better than mine can," he said and I smiled. There was too much I could not tell him.

"Hearing that others have had similar experiences has eased my mind, Sebastian. Did I ever tell you I had a younger brother?" I asked and he shook his head. "His name was Carver and he was Bethany's twin. He died after we escaped our home in Lothering. He put himself in the path of an ogre to save our mother. All he ever wanted was to be a Templar. How ironic since his twin was an apostate. It was something he could never resolve within himself. I'd like to think you could have helped him find some measure of peace," I told him and assured him that I would visit the Chantry the next day.

I went back inside my home, thinking of everything I could not admit to him, knowing that even if I did meet with the Grand Cleric, it would not ease my fears.


	10. Chapter 10

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

**PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITED AND UPDATED. I also found great fan art that reminded me of this chapter. It's called Festival by Rabbitzoro at DeviantArt. Go check it out.**

_**TEN**_

Later, in the warmth of my bath, I started to recall a bit more of what had happened but not how it started. What had possessed me to go down into the cellar of my home alone was a question that still eluded me. The only lasting memory was a sense of urgency…and then waking in the cellar with a half remembered feelings of pleasure and then shame. I recalled fleeting images but every time they seemed within my grasp, they slipped through my fingers. I woke confused as to how and why I came to find myself there, cold from the stone floor, bare feet slightly dirty and covered with my cloak.

I looked around me and was unable to find the answers in the dark. I felt my way along the walls, certain I could find my way back upstairs. Once I found myself safely back to the main part of the house, I went directly to my bedroom and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, knowing that I would need to speak to someone soon but how to do you tell someone you feel you are slowing losing yourself?

I felt ashamed that I could not confide in the man who would soon be my husband, of dreams I could not be certain were just dreams. They were like no other dreams I have had before and I was afraid that if I gave into them, I would want nothing more than to continue dreaming. Every day that passed, I feared finding myself alone in the cellar once more, wondering what it is I had done. And so I kept up appearances and continued with our everyday lives, helping Fenris move his meager belongings so he would have no reason to leave my side.

To please Sebastian, I did speak with the Grand Cleric and she assured me that what he said was true. I began to wonder if I was just at odds with myself, this new person I had become after my death. Was I so different now that I viewed myself that way? I continued to help the people of Kirkwall alongside my companions; secretly helping mages escape into Darktown, leading them to Anders clinic but not venturing close enough for him to see me. After our last meeting in the Gallows, I thought it best that I stay as far from him as I could. Not only because of my pending marriage to Fenris, but because of the unresolved issues between us. I spent more time on the Wounded Coast that Varric suggested I build a summer home.

All the while, I was dealing with the pressure that was building from the growing tension between the Qunari and the people of Kirkwall. The Viscount's son Saemus was fascinated by them and although it was not my place to advise him to stay away, I advised that he be careful, especially now with the trouble Mother Petrice was instigating. I feared her next move, and worried just how far her hatred would take her. I knew that she would not stop until she forced a confrontation, feeding the people's fear of the outsiders.

Fenris was teaching all that he knew about the Qun and I felt that unless I discovered the reason they would not leave Kirkwall, things would only escalate beyond madness. I knew enough that there had to be something, some reason they stayed here. Every day more converts joined their ranks and while I understand it offered some stability to those who might need it; it caused more tension with each passing day.

-)(-

It was now so close to the day of my wedding and I had little time for anything else. True to my word, I had invited all of Kirkwall to celebrate my nuptials. I even invited my grumpy uncle Gamlen, who was always very disapproving of my choices of bedmates but would not allow him to ruin my happiness. There was no way I could accommodate the large amounts of people who were to attend so I requested the use of the square outside my home for the celebration. Aveline agreed to send out a few of her guards to keep order during the festivities. Everyone was invited, even those from Darktown but I knew that many would not venture out so I commissioned more than enough food and wine to be sent to them instead.

Only those closest to me were invited to the actual ceremony, along with the viscount, his son and the First Enchanter, who I had become close with during my the many visits to tower. I was a little surprised when Bethany informed me Knight-Captain Cullen would be accompanying her as well. I was sure that Knight-Commander Meredith had seen it as a way to place someone she trusted at an event she had refused to attend. I had asked Bodahn to walk me down the aisle and he tearfully accepted.

I was at odds on whether I should approach Anders and thought it best if I left the decision up to him. I could not change the fact that he would always have a place in my heart as I would hold a place in his, but I now had the happiness I wanted with a man who loved me wholly and completely. Soon I would commit myself to him in the eyes of the Maker and those I held dear.

My only regret was that my mother was no longer with me to celebrate this day. I wondered if she was as happy as I am to be standing here, dressed and ready to greet my husband to be. I wished that my family were complete once again, to have them by my side as I took my first steps to a new future. I had come to Kirkwall looking to escape the troubles of my homeland, found myself in situations I would not have dreamed of and fought my way to become someone my family could be proud of.


	11. Chapter 11

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**ELEVEN**_

As I was lazily soaking on the morning of my wedding, I suddenly recalled a conversation I had had with Anders long ago. We had just returned from one of our many trips to the Wounded Coast with Varric and Isabela, this time helping a group of Starkhaven mages flee from Templars. I was lounging on one of the many roughly cut windows that allowed air to circulate in Darktown by his clinic, wondering if the Templar Thrask had been found out when I noticed that he was standing at the open doorway of his clinic, staring at me. It was one of the rare days when there were few patients in dire need of his care and fewer who were in need of my help.

"Why do you continue to help these people, Seelia?" he asked finally.

"Why do you?" I asked in return, rolling my neck and shoulders to relax the knot that had been developing.

"I do it because they are the ones this city has chosen to forget," he said simply, coming up behind me and placing his hands on the back of my neck. I could feel the small bit if magic he was exerting to help relieve the tension I felt as he massaged my neck gently and I sighed.

"As do I, Anders. They are also Ferelden and I help them simply because I can. We both use what we have been given to do so; I with my sword and you with your magic," I said and took one if his hands in mine. "I do not seek redemption as you do and despite your crusade, you help them for the very reason that I do." I placed a light kiss on the palm of his hand before I looked out again at the water below.

"Am I that simple to explain?" he asked, this time adding a small amount of heat to my neck.

"I believe you are. Once you may have considered yourself a selfish man in wanting nothing more than your own freedom and perhaps a chance at happiness," I started to explain but he interrupted, moving away from me abruptly.

"Is it so selfish to want what is denied every mage, Hawke?" he asked angrily and I turned to him.

"No, I firmly believe that everyone should have that right, as you do. And now you chance going back to the very place you have run from in helping these people. In joining with Justice, you champion the freedom you now have for every mage in Thedas. Even if it is a slow frustrating battle, still you stand defiant. That is the one thing I cannot find fault in Justice. Even when he is now paired with your vengeance, Anders," I said and looked at him evenly. I knew to continue would only bring out Justice and ruin our time together.

I watched as he took in what I told him, seeing his emotions flash upon his face as I got up and went to him to wrap my arms around him. I wanted nothing more than to erase any doubt he had that I would always be there for him, despite the growing tension between Justice and me. I kept telling myself that things would go back to the way they were when we first met and he would have no more reasons to question my feelings for him.

Even then, he looked confused and sad and I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. I tried so hard for him to see that I stood by each of his choices, helping him even when it meant putting me in situations where my companions did not agree with what he was trying to achieve. I continued to defend him even when it became apparent that Justice was starting to…_No, do not_ _think about such things on this day_, I reminded myself.

But soon after, he left and I desperately needed to mend my broken heart, placing myself in dangerous situations and even those around me could do nothing but watch as I spiraled downward toward self destruction. It took almost losing Fenris to make me realize that I could not continue on the path I was on and instead take time for myself to heal. To help matters, Anders was not seen for many months and some believed he had moved on if not for the whispers coming from Darktown of his presence.

I could not deny that I continued to remember similar conversations with Anders during our time together. He had finally relented and confessed why he had fled from the Wardens yet there was still so much that I never knew of his past. Not even his true name…thought that was something he himself could not recall. I had often wondered if what happened to him caused him to forget his life before the tower. To be taken away from all who knew you at such a young age was something I could not relate to, as my father sheltered Bethany from sharing a similar fate.

_Time to put such thoughts behind me_, I reminded myself, getting out of the now cooled water and began to dry off to prepare for the long, joyful day ahead of me. Soon Isabela, Aveline and Merrill would arrive to help me dress and together we would make our way to the Chantry.

_Today is my day happiness_, I thought as I looked longingly at the gown I was to wear, thinking about finally seeing the wedding clothes Varric had gone with Fenris to have made for this day. Everything was set, with everyone I cared about to be by my side…

_So why could I not stop thinking about Anders! _I asked myself angrily as I roughly brushed my hair to keep the tears from falling. I laid the brush I had down before I did more damage to my drying hair and waited for my friends to arrive.


	12. Chapter 12

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Inspiration for this chapter goes to one of my favorite fan art pieces of Fenris and Hawke called Mine Yours done by Louvette Solidum-Escuadro. Check it out on DeviantArt.**_

_**TWELVE**_

Finally the hour was upon us as I joined my husband-to-be, along with my friends and family before the Grand Cleric. I even took time to light a candle for my family to celebrate this day with us. I had never been as nervous as I was standing before her, reciting the vows that so many had recited before me, pledging myself wholly to the man that stood beside me, seeing the love and respect reflected in his eyes. My heart was full to bursting when the ceremony was completed and I looked around in wonder.

We walked arm in arm out of the Chantry and stood before the crowds of well-wishers. I was amazed that the square could barely contain the amount of people who had come to celebrate with us. I looked at the faces of those I had come to know since I arrived at Kirkwall, seeing that they were sincere in wishing us happiness that I almost overlooked a figure walking down the Chantry steps. Thinking back, I was almost certain I had seen him out of the corner of my eye during the ceremony, but dismissed it since the last time he had willing gone inside was when we attempted to rescue Karl. And yet, there was Anders, coming down the steps of the mostly emptied Chantry as most had ventured out to the square for the festivities.

I quickly lost sight of him and was sure he had gone back to Darktown when I felt his hand on my elbow as I was making the rounds through the crowd. He led me away from the square and into a doorway, backing me into the small space. It had happened so quickly and I knew that if I made a fuss it would look worse that it really was.

"I didn't think you would come, Anders."

"In truth, I did not think you were going through with the ceremony. After the last time I saw you, I was certain you had changed your mind," he said and leaned in. I felt the brush of his lips and quickly put my hands on his chest to push him back. I kept my hands on the front of his coat to keep him from moving back towards me.

"The last time I saw you I asked you not to come if you could not be happy for me. I don't know where you got the impression I was not committed to getting married," I said and looked into his eyes. He was looking intently at my lips before looking up at me in confusion.

"Not then…after when you came to me at the clinic. We…"

"What are you talking about? I haven't been to see you." I was beginning to wonder how long it would take for someone to realize I was gone and come look for me. Every memory, dream, _everything_ I had had recently about Anders was flooding back. "I've been so busy planning this wedding that I've done little else." I tried to push past him but started to feel faint as I brushed against him and I leaned heavily on the wall closest to me.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, concerned by the dazed look I had. He led me to a nearby bench so I could sit down and knelt down in front of me to get a better look at my face, feeling my cheeks and forehead with the back of his hand.

"Honestly, no, not really. It's been such a long day. I just want to change out of this dress and finally relax," I admitted.

"Have you eaten anything today?" he asked, checking my pulse.

"Not since earlier, I think. I've been so nervous that it's been hard keeping anything down lately. I was worried that I had gotten sick recently but I'm sure it's nothing."

"How sick are we talking about, Seelia?" he asked.

"Nothing too bad. I just haven't had much of an appetite lately but I chalked it up to the bad food at the Hanged Man. I've spent time there with Varric and Isabela recently. I haven't been getting very much sleep lately either." And the times I have, I have had disturbing results.

"Have you finished the teas that I sent you?" he asked as he sat down next to me.

"In a way. All but one," I admitted. "I accidentally dropped one of the teas that Fenris made me a few weeks ago."

"A few weeks ago? Seelia, why didn't you tell me right away?"

"It was after we argued at the Gallows and I felt it best that we not see or speak for a while. And with all the planning for the wedding, it slipped my mind." I wasn't about to admit that I had purposely dropped the last tea or that when Fenris mentioned he would ask for another, I had volunteered to speak to Anders about it, yet never intending to. "Honestly, I felt fine without it that I did not want to trouble you for one simple tea. I've gone out with the others and have had no trouble at all so there is no reason to be upset," I said but I could see that something I had said bothered him.

"Nothing out of the ordinary at all has happened? Seelia, even the littlest thing… it doesn't matter!" he was insistent but I could not tell him about my dreams.

"Not really. I guess the only issue is not entirely feeling myself after you healed me but I've spoken with the Grand Cleric and she assures me it is nothing more than survivor's remorse," I said, still not sharing anything other than that. Just thinking about it made my face flush and I was glad that the bench was not closer to a lamppost.

"I wish you had come to me sooner," he said softly.

"I thought it best to give you space, Anders," I said and was thankful to see Fenris had found us. I got up and walked to him quickly. I could hear Anders quiet curse for being found but he got up and approached us to congratulate us on our marriage. I waited for him to ask Fenris about the last tea but somehow knew that he suspected that my clumsiness was on purpose. He bowed to us and wandered away in the dark.

"I did not expect to see Anders here. It must have taken much for him to be here," Fenris said as he circled his arm around my waist and looked at me, waiting for me to explain why we had moved away from the square.

"I was feeling a little dizzy from so many people around me and Anders helped me get some much needed air." I lied.

"Would you like to go rest? It's been a long day and I have been wondering for some time how long it will take me to get you out of that dress," he said and kissed me.

"I'm sure you'll think of something creative, my husband." I smiled.

"I like the sound of that."

I laughed and we rejoined the crowds to take our leave. I was just as eager to leave the square and spent time with my husband before we left for Antiva the next morning.

There were a few of the city guards posted in front of the door to our home and had made room so that as we approached, no one could stop us. Fenris was true to his word and carried me across the threshold as I had dreamt of so often. I could hear the faint sounds coming from outside but the only thing that held my full attention was the man who carried me up the stairs with passion in his eyes.

He set me gently down in front of the full length mirror next to the bed and kissed a line from my ear down my neck, all the while looking at me in the mirror's reflection, seeing the way I leaned my neck to allow him better access. He gently bit my earlobe and chuckled as I hissed as he took the tender piece into his mouth and sucked on it. My breath quickened and I had turned to kiss him but he walked away to remove his jacket and shirt, still facing me so I could appreciate the view of his body as the garments came off.

I said nothing as he slowly made his way back to me and I gave him a mischievous grin, knowing that soon would be a test of his patience. He walked slowly around me and stopped, sadly finding the tie that would help remove the gown the fastest and I pouted. He chuckled again as he slowly pulled the string and let it fall.

"I told you, I have been thinking of the fastest way to get you undressed…short of tearing it off of you, of course." He grinned as I held onto the loosening garment.

"You've ruined my fun, my love. I wanted to see how far you would go but I see you've put some serious thought into this."

"I did not think you would be very happy with your husband ruining the gown you spent so much time on, as much as it would satisfy me," he growled as I looked over my shoulder at him.

"As tempting as that is, I wouldn't want to put Orana out having to recover pieces of my poor garments like the first time," I said and lifted my eyebrow as I smirked.

"Even now, you tease me and try my patience. I do not have the unending resolve to stand here, wasting our first night together with talk," he said and captured my mouth, kissing me intensely until I was breathless and my knees felt weak. At last I was able to push him towards the bed and he fell back once his knees hit the mattress, staring up at me through his hair that had fallen across his forehead. He got up onto his elbows, watching me as I allowed the dress to pool at my feet and stepped out of it, still holding my arms up in front of my breasts to cover myself as I stood there mostly naked. He hissed at the sight of the lacy undergarments I had worn for him. I approached him and he sat up, touching my bare skin and kissing the scars I had as I ran my fingers through his hair.

I squeaked as he wrapped his arms around me and suddenly got to his feet, turning so that my back was towards the bed and he was facing me as he laid me down on the covers, slowly and carefully removed the remaining garments and the ridiculous Orlesian heels I had worn to make me appear taller as I looked up at him. Finally he removed his wedding trousers and joined me on the bed.

_Nope! You'll just have to use your imagination on how this continues…_


	13. Chapter 13

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome.**_

_**Thank you!**_

_**THIRTEEN**_

We left the next morning with as little as we could manage, not wanting to attract undue attention to ourselves. We traveled up the coast of the Waking Sea, following the cliffs until we reached Rialto Bay and docked in Antiva City. We traveled the city, enjoying the differences between here and Kirkwall, listening to the heavy accents of a few of the young men who dared approach me despite the heavy sword strapped to Fenris' back. I would smile as he would glare at them and they would lose their nerve and quickly walk away.

We found lodgings that overlooked the water and made plans on which nearby cities we planned to visit next but in the end, we never left the city and rarely left our lodgings. It was nice to be able to relax, without wondering what new problem would arrive on our doorstep next. If not for Bethany being in the Circle, I would be sorely tempted to leave Kirkwall for longer periods, maybe even return one day to Ferelden.

On one of our few outings, I came across a vendor who had articles said to have belonged to the Hero of Ferelden! While I was doubtful of his claims, I paid for the item and showed it to Fenris. I explained that the Hero was a cousin of mine who had been transferred to the Circle in Ferelden by request of her own father. He would not admit to having a mage for a daughter and had asked the Knight Commander before Meredith to have her shipped to Ferelden instead. Her family soon moved from Kirkwall and she had had no idea how to contact them. My father had wanted to rescue her from the Circle but she had refused when she learned that Bethany was also a mage. She felt that if they found her she would put us all in danger and so she stayed in the Circle, writing to my mother when she could.

We remained for the planned two weeks waiting for the boat that took us to Antiva to return. I longed to speak to Bethany and my friends, to share some good news and to give out the small gifts I had managed to find room for.

No sooner had we returned to our home I had started to look covertly at the door, wanting to locate those closest to me but it seemed that everything was conspiring against me to keep me away longer than I intended. Bodahn and Sandal had gone to visit family outside of Kirkwall, taking Orana, who had no family thanks to Hadriana, and Jasper, our Mabari that Sandal had grown so attached to, with them so that they would not be left alone. I had missed them while we were away and was hoping to see them when we returned but was glad that they had taken the time to travel.

In a way I was happy I was forced to go through the packs that we had brought with us. I would never live it down if I took out a gift tangled up in my small clothes, which is exactly what I found. Fenris couldn't help but laugh as I showed him that Merrill's gift had found its way inside a pair of clean undergarments we found in a more interesting section of Antiva city, one that he insisted that I purchase.

I took the extra time to go through whatever letters had arrived before Bodahn had left but was glancing at the door so often that Fenris took pity on me and we finally set off for the Hanged Man with the gifts we had brought back. It had been mid-afternoon when we arrived and it was now early evening and the walk was refreshing after being stuck on a ship for so long, even Lowtown. I wore my new cloak over my usual armor to fight back the chill of the evening and to keep out of sight. I wanted to surprise them.

I was hoping that by now most of my friends had gathered as they usually did at the tavern. I was certain that I would find them gathered in Varric's personal quarters, playing cards or drinking as he recalled one story or another to a crowd of avid listeners. The way a few of the patron's now looked at me, it was a wonder that they didn't all run from me in fear. I wanted to surprise them so I stopped just outside the door and heard the urgent voices coming from inside.

"I'm telling you, Rivainie, if someone doesn't talk some sense into him, he's going to get himself killed. Why is it he can't ever just leave things bloody well alone?" I heard Varric pacing on the other side of the door.

"Hawke should not have to fight all his battles. He is a grown, stubborn man, Varric. Let him stand on his own for once. He started this mess and I can't think of a simple way to get him out of it," Isabela replied. "I swear he's only gotten worse since Hawke left. And it's your fault, joking about the Templar and her sister. I love your stories as well as anyone here but you knew that he would blow everything way out of proportion."

_Ah, what has Anders done this time…and why does it involve Bethany? _I wondered.

"I'm sorely tempted to arrest the man myself if it would stop him but we all know the only person who has ever had any success with that is Hawke. Do we really want to run to her every time he's a problem?" this now from Aveline.

"I don't understand why he's so angry all the time now," This came softly from Merrill.

"Ah, kitten, I'll explain it to you later. Right now we need to figure out what we're going to do to stop him. Hawke would never forgive us if we stood by and did nothing, sorely tempted or not," replied Isabela.

"I don't understand why Hawke has stood by Anders for so long. He's never done anything but break her heart time and again," this now from Sebastian.

"I can answer that," from Isabela. "It's how Hawke is, Sebastian, she won't ever give up on you. She's a good friend, even when you feel you haven't earned that right," she said softly.

"So…who's the unlucky bastard who's going to tell Hawke when she finally gets back?" Varric asked.

I waited a few more minutes more. _Best get answers here and now before this goes any further! _I thought to myself, deciding that I would wait for them to bring it up. I could hear the commotion coming from downstairs and knew that sooner or later it would attract their attention. I walked in with the biggest grin on my face, pretending that I had not been eavesdropping at the door.


	14. Chapter 14

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome.**_

_**Thank you!**_

_**FOURTEEN**_

__I pulled the heavy pack over my shoulder once again and kicked in the door, startling everyone seated at Varric's table. They all turned as I quickly strode in, walking towards the table to set the bag on it before my arms fell off.

I looked at them all and said, "I swear I haven't had my feet on dry land longer than an hour and you all look like the world is going to end! Is there to be another Blight? Is the sky falling? Did Isabela romance Sebastian while I was away?" I laughed, raising an eyebrow at their stunned silence.

"Leave it to Hawke to make an entrance," Isabela finally said and I saw a look pass between Aveline and Varric. I somehow knew that he would be the one to say something.

"Are none of you happy to see me?" I asked. "Perhaps I really should have stayed in Antiva," I muttered and turned to shut the door. The noise from downstairs was even louder now and I needed everyone to believe I had not heard their discussion.

Merrill touched my shoulder and I turned to hug her, smiling as everyone else hastily got to their feet to greet me finally. I was so happy to be back and joined them back at the table while drinks were brought in. I pushed away the ale and smiled at my friends, waiting to see who would be the first to speak of what they were all hiding behind their smiles.

"How was the journey, Hawke?" Aveline asked.

"As well as could be expected," I managed before Isabela interrupted.

"Where else did you go besides Antiva City? I recall Ayesleigh being particularly lovely this time of year," she asked mischievously and I blushed lightly.

"Well to be honest, we never left the city," I admitted.

"You each owe me ten silvers," she said smugly.

"Isabela!" I was shocked as they all grudgingly handed her the coins. Sebastian just stood there, shaking his head at them and she winked at him. "Well at least you didn't lose any money to her, Sebastian."

"I have none to lose, Seelia," he said honestly.

_Ah, his vows of poverty._ I thought as I smiled at him.

"I'm not asking her to describe all the steamy bits, Sebastian. It's just good to know that she took time to _enjoy_ herself," Isabela said in her defense and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thank you, Isabela," I said.

"Yes, well, we wouldn't want to embarrass poor Sebastian. Oh look. Can't you see he's getting flushed even now! We really should save that talk for later!" she laughed as I hit her shoulder lightly. I looked at Sebastian but he was looking away.

"You know, Rivainie, you should probably be buying the next round since you've come into some money. At Hawke's expense, as usual," Varric said. "Or better yet we should see what the occasion is downstairs. It sounds like someone's started a party and forgot to invite us."

"I wouldn't worry about that just yet," I told him, reaching for the bag I came in with. "First I wanted to give you all some things I found in Antiva," I said as I took them out in no particular order.

I gave Isabela a black leather corset I had found near the tanneries. To Merrill a book said to have come from inside a ruin in the Arlathan Forest. For Aveline I gave her a beautifully well-made dagger. To Varric I gave him a sturdy leather strap for Bianca. And for Sebastian, I gave him a new leather quiver. Walking through the markets we had discovered the tanneries by smell alone. Antivan leather was remarkably different from those found in Kirkwall or Ferelden but the process of making it was as unappealing as everywhere else and not something you will forget once you have been exposed to it. But it was easy to see why it was so sought after and I could not stop myself from choosing several items for my friends

I burst out laughing as Isabela tried on her new corset, with Aveline quickly covering Merrill's eyes and Sebastian abruptly turning his back to her sudden lack of clothing. Varric was too busy adjusting the strap but he was grinning at Sebastian who was turning a deep shade of red while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"So Hawke, what did you get Fenris or were we the only ones who benefitted from your trip to Antiva?" Isabela asked as she examined herself in the closest mirror. "It was a sword. I'd bet anything it was a sword."

"I didn't need to get him anything. If anything, he gave me something," I said cryptically and smiled. I finally moved the hood of my cloak and waited for them to see my short hair.

"Oh Hawke! Tell me he did not butcher your hair!" cried Isabela as she walked over to me and ran her fingers through it. It was now only up to my ears, with a few longer strands on the side of my face that he had missed. I liked the way it looked now.

"It was out of necessity, Isabela, I assure you. I was getting so tired of having to wash it out every time I felt ill."

"Ill?" Aveline asked and looked at me again. "_Hawke_, are you…?"

I only smiled. "If you were wondering about that celebration going on downstairs," I said. "It's waiting on us. Fenris has been buying rounds since we got here. I think we should join him."

"I'll be damned. Will wonders never cease? First married and now this!" Varric said and hugged me, lifting me up. He put me down and they all gathered around me to congratulate me.

"What was that? Did anyone else hear that?" Merrill asked once they all settled down. I felt movement by my neck, having forgotten the gift I had for Anders. He had been asleep in my hood but woke when Varric picked me up.

"It's a gift for Anders, though I don't know when I will have a chance to give it to him," I said and gently grabbed the black kitten to show to them. "The ship we were on had a cat on board to catch rodents. The captain was giving away the kittens and this little guy stowed away in my pack when we reached Antiva. I tried to give him back to the captain but he insisted that I keep him. Well, him and his sister, who I call Emilia. I recalled that Anders once had a cat in Ferelden and thought he might like another one."

Varric cleared his throat and I turned to him.

"Hawke, we need to talk."


	15. Chapter 15

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome.**_

_**Thank you!**_

_**FIFTEEN**_

__I sat back and wished yet again that I could drink the pint of ale that had been placed in front of me earlier. Instead I ran my fingers through my hair several times in disbelief, finally blowing the longer strands away from my face as I digested what Varric had told me. Everyone else had cleared the room once he had taken it upon himself to inform me of what had happened.

"So am I to understand that Anders has challenged Knight Captain Cullen…over my _sister_! What brought this on?" I demanded.

"Well…it might have had something to do with a comment I made to the Templar in passing," he said and drank deeply from the pint I had left untouched.

"What could you possibly have said that started this mess, Varric?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose to try and stop the pain I was starting to feel behind my eyes. "What was Cullen even doing at the Hanged Man?"

"Hey there's off duty guards and Templars in here all the time, Hawke; at least the ones who wouldn't be caught dead at the brothel in Hightown," he said and I recalled Cullen's dislike of the Blooming Rose. "I may have mentioned in passing that I noticed that he and Sunshine had left the wedding festivities rather early together. I would have left it alone but the man turned bright red," he said.

"And I take it Anders overheard this conversation?"

"Honestly I don't know how I missed him sitting in a corner by himself. The next thing I knew he had Cullen by the collar and was calling him a hypocrite for being a Templar who was attracted to a mage," he said, taking a quick sip before he continued. "We tried to separate them but not before Anders called him out."

"Called him out? What was he thinking? Varric, exactly how does he expect to win against a Templar? Even with help from Justice, all Cullen has to do is nullify Anders' magic and he could easily run him through! How did things get to the point of a dual?" I demanded, pounding my fist on the table in frustration.

"I'm pretty sure Cullen would have ignored the matter up until Blondie clocked him. I have to give his insanity some credit; he man does have a decent left hook," he praised Anders.

_Not helping!_ I glared pointedly at him.

I leaned forward and rested my head heavily in my hands, taking a few calming breaths before I looked up again at Varric. "What can I do to fix this? It sounds like he is determined to get himself killed and I am sorely tempted to let him! I don't understand what's gotten into him and I don't know if I even want to!"

"I hate to point this out, Hawke, but he's gotten steadily worse since you chose the elf over him," he said.

"He chose Justice over me. He can't have it both ways! I was just so tired of arguing with both of them," I said softly. "What do I do, Varric? If I go to him, it tells Fenris that a part of me still needs Anders in my life and it tells Anders that I do not think he is strong enough to fight on his own."

"If you ask me, you need to follow your heart. While it's true Anders may never entirely be out of your life, Fenris knows that you chose him. Soon there'll even be a bit of proof following you both around," he joked, trying to lighten my mood and I splayed my fingers over my abdomen as what he said rang true.

"Can you really live with yourself if you let Anders go through with this?" he asked and waited until I finally shook my head.

"After the last few times that we've spoken, I don't know if he will even listen to me anymore, Varric. I know I have to try to talk some sense into him but I just don't know what to do with him anymore," I said and leaned my head heavily on my hand. "Justice had made it increasing difficult to talk to Anders without him losing his temper. And you're right, I don't think he's handled my being with Fenris all that well," I said and looked wearily at him.

"Look, I know things between the two of you got bitter towards the end and I worried that you wouldn't find your way back there for a while. We were all concerned that you were looking for any excuse to self-destruct. I even worried that things would end just as badly with Fenris but thankfully the elf has proven that he is willing to change for you," he said and placed his left hand gently on my shoulder. "I think it took Anders way too long to realize what he lost when he finally came out of his exile and see that you were finally happy without him. But I also know that no matter what, you will always be there for him, no matter what. It's just in your nature, Hawke."

"Why is it you always know exactly what to say make me better, Varric?" I joked as he leaned back.

"Call it Life's Lesson's. Things happen that we have no control over whatsoever and we just need to learn how to get back to normal. Sometimes a few even get it right and find the one person who makes life worth living. For you, that's Fenris. And sometimes you find the one person you can't live with or without. Sadly, for you that's Anders. Now go put things back in balance so you can continue to being happy," he said and sat back.

I got up and walked away from the table, stopping at the doorway and I turned back to Varric. "You're going to make a great Uncle to my child, Varric," I told him and he smiled.


	16. Chapter 16

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITTED AND ADDED TO. I FELT IT WAS TOO SHORT AND ADDS MORE TO MY CRAZY STORYLINE. **_

_**I'm so sorry, S!**_

_**SIXTEEN**_

Aveline and Isabela were leaning on the wall outside of Varric quarters waiting for me. I looked at them in surprise, thinking they had gone down to join in the celebration in the main room of tavern but instead they waited to hear what I had decided. Both were armed and ready for whatever I needed.

"I hope you didn't actually consider going to Darktown to confront Anders alone, sweetness," Isabela said when I stopped short and stared at the two women.

"Whatever you need, Hawke, you know we'll do it," Aveline offered as I knew she would. I recalled what she said about arresting Anders to keep him from challenging the Knight-Captain and decided that if need be it might at least keep him safe until I spoke with the Cullen at the Gallows.

I looked at them and decided that I did not have time to do everything I needed to get done on my own. "Isabela, I need you to stay here and stall Fenris. This was supposed to be a celebration! Here I am about to run out to stop Anders from doing something foolish so I need you to keep him here as long as possible or he'll try to stop me. I cannot let Anders go through with this," I said and she smiled.

"I'll see what I can do to keep him occupied," she purred and walked away. Knowing her, I began to worry the moment she walked away.

"Isabela, do try to remember that he is my husband or we will be having a different conversation of our own when I return," I said and she chuckled, waving her hand at me as she walked back down the stairs to join in on the festivities. I only hoped Fenris would believe that I was still catching up with Varric on various matters of business that had occurred while we had been away on our honeymoon.

"Aveline, I need you to go to Anders clinic and keep him there until I sort this out with Cullen. Do _whatever_ it takes to keep him from leaving until I get there."

I saw that she got my meaning and nodded to me as Varric's door opened and he came out carrying one of many spare swords I had left in his quarters once upon a time. I smiled as I took it from him, as it was taller than he was and carefully strapped it at an angle on my back. Luckily the cloak covered the weapon as much as possible but was still accessible to me in case I needed to use it.

"I'm going with Aveline. If her scaring the piss out of him won't stop him, maybe my charms will," he said and Aveline sneered playfully in his direction. "But there's no way you should be going to the Gallows alone, Hawke."

"I'll go with her," Sebastian offered as he was climbing the stairs towards us. "I cannot drink as I used to and from the looks Isabela was giving me just now, I don't think I want to be here if she decides to make another drunken pass at me."

"I thought that was what prayer was for, Choir boy!" I heard Varric mutter under his breath.

"I was only kidding about that, Sebastian."

From the barely disguised snickers I heard from Varric, I knew that there was much I needed to be caught up on. I looked at him and he stood quietly before me with his eyes averted in his embarrassment. I waited for one of them to answer and finally my curiosity got the better of me.

"Sebastian what do you mean by _another_ drunken pass? Exactly what have I been missing?" I asked as I looked at both men and Sebastian lightly blushed. I held up my hand to him and said, "Never mind, forget I asked! Let's just go fix this mess as quickly as we can and get back. Hopefully, before my husband decides to take it upon himself to kill Anders personally. Varric, please tell me there's a back way out of the tavern."

"This way," he said and Aveline started walking in the direction he pointed, followed by Sebastian. I looked at Varric and mouthed to me, _I'll tell you later! _Sebastian turned back to look at us but I was staring straight ahead and doing my best to keep a keep a straight face. I looked past him to Aveline and saw that even she was trying hard not to smile at him.

He finally slowed down enough and turned to me. "Nothing happened, if that's what you're wondering, Seelia," he said and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "You know that I do not drink very often, and when I do, it is very little. Isabela…has no such restraints and I find it is best to stay away from her when she's had too much ale," he explained.

I cleared my throat and looked at Varric and Aveline before responding. "I'm assuming you weren't always so successful."

Varric finally stopped and turned to me, gesturing to Sebastian. "You should have seen it, Hawke. Even I couldn't make this stuff up! Isabela somehow pinned Choir boy here to one of the tables before anyone could stop her! Managed to get some of his armor off in the process," Varric chimed in and turned to the blushing archer. "Remind me again, exactly how any of that didn't break your vows again, Sebastian?"

This time I was unsuccessful in keeping in my laughter, no matter how hard I tried. Aveline turned and covered her mouth to cover the smile she wore as she continued on. I placed my hand on his shoulder as we continued to one of the back rooms I had always assumed was an unused storage room. I was somehow not surprised to find a hidden trap door in the floor, with a ladder leading to the outside.

"Just don't tell Martin I let you in on his secret side entrance," Varric said as we each took turns climbing down.


	17. Chapter 17

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**SEVENTEEN**_

__We split up once we reached the alley behind the tavern. Varric gave me the name of captain he trusted to ferry us across, which would be faster than navigating the various backstreets and gates needed when traveling on foot. We found him at the dock and I paid him a handful of sovereigns to get us to the Gallows and back. At first he looked wearily at us but he accepted once I mentioned Varric had recommended him and we climbed aboard his small but sturdy ship. I was just happy that I was no longer as queasy as when I stepped on the ship going to Antiva.

We raced across the docks and up the stairs. I knew that Sebastian was keeping up with me and I glanced at him, glad that he had come with me even if he felt Anders did not deserve my loyalty.

Luckily we came across Cullen as he was descending the stairs leading from the courtyard of the Gallows. I paused midway once I saw him to catch my breath and he stopped a few stairs near me.

"Serrah Hawke."

"Knight-Captain."

"Should I even ask what brings you to the Gallows at such a late hour?" he asked.

"You could but I'm sure you know the answer," I said and climbed the remaining steps till I was standing even with him.

"If you must know, I didn't start this. The Warden should not have laid a hand on me," he said, looking first at me and then down at Sebastian, who had remained a few steps below to give us privacy.

"No he should not but I think I can understand what triggered it. I need to know want your intentions are towards my sister," I demanded. "She is a mage and you are Knight-Captain, second to Meredith herself! If she were to discover any of this she will strip you of your rank and you will be dishonored. Is that what you want?"

"You misunderstand!"

"Then help me understand. I'm sorry Cullen but as much as I wish my sister happiness it cannot be with you. You cannot love someone you help keep imprisoned. It's not right!" I said.

"I admit I have a bit of a fascination for your sister but it is for an entirely different reason," He said and sat down heavily on the stone steps. I sat down next to him and let him continue. "In Ferelden I joined the Chantry to become a Templar and was first stationed at the Circle tower on Lake Calenhad. It was there that I found myself infatuated with a mage and even when Templar training went against it, my heart would not. I loved her yet I could never be with her. It broke my heart when she left the tower to become a Warden," He said but would not look at me.

"A Warden…you knew Siobhan!"

"Yes, I knew your cousin, Hawke. At first I tried so hard to stay away from her but I was called upon as a Templar to execute her should she fail her Harrowing but thankfully she did not. I was so relieved that I finally got up the courage to speak to her. Later I found her hidden in the library; upset over something she learned about the one true friend she had growing up in the tower," he said and looked at me. "She was weeping in a corner and I could think of nothing but to try to ease her pain. So I went to her and held her until she calmed. She smiled at me and said she needed to speak to the First Enchanter but before I lost my nerve, I kissed her," he admitted. He was quiet for a few moments before he continued. "It was later that I discovered that the blood mage Jowan used her to help him escape. If it weren't for the Warden Commander Duncan, Knight-Commander Greagoir would have had her executed."

"Why did you remain a Templar all this time if you still love her?" I asked him finally.

"Other blood mages rebelled in the tower, using the confusion of the Blight to take it over. She returned for aid against the darkspawn and she defeated the ones who defiled what was once her home. Before she left once again, I said such awful things to her. The blood mages had tortured us and used our deepest desires against us. She had been mine and they used my memory of her against me. I realized too late that it was not her and I could not take back the things I said," he explained.

"And how does this involve Bethany? Did you lead her to believe you had feelings for her?" I asked.

"No, she was the only one who knew about Siobhan. When I learned that you were cousins, I began to ask her if she knew what had happened to her. There were a few mages here who resented that she is your sister and I took it upon myself to keep her safe from them."

"And that's why Varric commented that you were soft on my sister."

"Yes. I tried not to but Bethany reminds me a little of Siobhan," he admitted.

"You know, I recall one of the last letters she sent to my family. I believe it mentioned you, Cullen," I said and took his hand.

"I tell myself someday I will return to Ferelden and ask for her forgiveness."

"I think she would like that," I said and got up. He tightened his grip on my hand and I looked down at him.

"Your friend is going to get himself killed if he continues to draw attention to himself, Hawke."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of. But even you can see that things need to be changed. Mages are not animals to be locked up," I told him. "But at least I can count on you to see that they are treated fairly."

"You have my word on that," he said and got up to return inside the Gallows.

I walked down to Sebastian and linked my arm through his as we returned to the docks for the return trip and on to Darktown.


	18. Chapter 18

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**I recently updated this on the advice of a fellow author and friend here. There are several things that I saw when I wrote this out and in the end, another fan pic I saw recently helped me form this. It's a great pic simply called Sad_Anders by Kyuubifried that I saw on DeviantArt.**_

_**EIGHTEEN  
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I navigated the dimly lit passages leading to Anders clinic without giving it much thought, having traveled here too many times in the past that I was sure I could find my way in my sleep. I had asked Sebastian to return to the Hanged Man, feeling that so many of us gone would surely have attracted Fenris' attention by now and hoped he could stall him just a little bit longer. I was making my way down some steps when the seamstress ran towards me. She had been standing on the lower section leading to his clinic, wringing her hands. I spied a few other former patients looking intently at the clinic doors, all waiting to see what would happen.

"Thank the Maker you've come at last! You must stop him or he will surely do himself harm. Please, Messer, there are simply too many here who depend on the mage," she pleaded and I sighed. Apparently word had reached Darktown of Anders reckless behavior.

"I will do what I can," I promised.

"He does so much and asks for nothing in return…" she sobbed. "Is it selfish to wish he would cease his foolish crusade against the Templars?"

"As a mage and apostate, you know he will not. Best we can hope for is to make him see all the good he has done here and ask if he is willing to throw it all away for something so foolish," I said and looked at the men and women. "Gather as many of these people as you can. Maybe seeing all of them can convince him, if I cannot," I told her and continued on to the end of the corridor and stood before the closed doors, taking a few deep breaths before opening the door.

"Damn you, Aveline! I said move out of my way or I will not hesitate to _hurt_ you!" yelled Anders as I walked in. I looked at him, drawing power that I knew he would soon need to unleash.

"Now Anders, be reasonable. We're only here to talk some sense into you," pleaded Varric, looking back at me with his hands out in front of him as I calmly approached them.

Aveline backed away from Anders and joined Varric by the door as I continued towards Anders. I could see a few scorch marks on the wall behind them and knew he had intentionally missed but I became angry at him for resorting to magic to make them back away.

"Varric, Aveline, please wait outside. I need to speak to Anders alone," I said softly.

"Hawke, are you sure that's a good idea?" Aveline asked.

"Yes, Aveline, I'm sure. Please shut the door behind you. I'll call if I need you," I said and waited for them to do as I asked before turning back to Anders, who had moved further away from me into the clinic.

"I should have known they were only stalling me, waiting for you to get here," he said. "When will they stop running to you when I cause problems, Hawke?"

"I think the better question is how many more times will I bother to come?" I threw back at him. "Well then, Anders, let's have it. If you're going to hurt someone, hurt me. Maker knows you're good at that," I said as I approached him. I could see the barest hint of Justice peeking out behind his eyes. I could see that if he would just give in to the spirit, I would soon be faced with what everyone had been warning me about for so long. The swirling of energy around him grew as I got closer to him and reached out to touch him but just as soon as it began, it dissipated.

He looked at me in confusion as I was now standing so close to him. I glared at him as I turned and backed away from him.

"Do you have some sort of death wish or are you just truly so…_stupid_ in your rage that you would pick a fight with a Templar?" I yelled at him, crossing my arms across my chest.

"I didn't ask for your help, Hawke. I don't need or want it. In fact, I don't appreciate that you send people to spy on me!" he yelled back.

"Spy on you? Who is spying on you when you make a very public ass of yourself at the Hanged Man?" I pointed out. I walked towards him again and glared at him.

"That is none of your concern!"

"Oh really? Because the way I hear it, it has something to do with Bethany and she is my sister, Anders, not yours!" I jabbed his chest as hard as I could. "Now you either start explaining or Maker help me…"

"You'll do what?"

"Knock some sense into you, you stubborn man!" Out of the corner of my eye I caught him rubbing the area I jabbed but when I turned to look at him he moved his hand away quickly.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Hawke."

I took a deep breath. "Do you truly want to die?" I asked.

"What? Why are you asking me that?"

"Because your actions speak of a man who cares so little about himself or the people who care about him when he acts so reckless!" I yelled as I walked towards the door and threw it open to emphasize my point.

I gestured at the growing number of people who were waiting outside the clinics doors. Aveline and Varric had their backs to us, looking at the staggering amount of people in such a small area. "Many of these people would have died without your help, Anders. And think of all the mages we helped save and can still save yet," I said and looked back at him. "So I ask you again…Do you truly wish to die?" I leaned against the wall and waited for him to speak.

"Why are you asking me this?" he asked quietly.

"Because maybe it is better that the blade that kills you be mine than some executioners. Did you not think what your death would mean to all of these people?" I asked as he slowly closed the door and kept his hand on it. "Do you not know what your death would mean to me? I have always stood by you, Anders, hoping you would one day find peace. If it is death you so desperately wish for then let it be by my hand so that you can look into my eyes and see that you have hurt me for the last time."

"It has never been my intention to hurt you, Seelia," he said and leaned in to me.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away. "And yet you always do, Anders," I said softly and slid down the wall to sit on the door.

He sighed, briefly pressing his face to the wall where I had stood before moving away from the door to sit on the nearest cot. He held his face in his hands and would not look at me. I felt movement from inside my hood, having forgotten about the sleeping kitten and tried to catch him as he jumped down from my shoulder and made his way over to Anders. At first he didn't notice the kitten lazily winding his way around his ankles until it rubbed against his boot and meowed up at him. He opened his eyes and looked at the kitten that was now reaching up to him with his paws on Anders knee.

"His name is Remi. He and his sister were a gift from the captain of the vessel that took us to Antiva," I told him.

"Remi?" he asked, reaching down to scratch the kitten's neck and Remi climbed into his lap for more attention.

"The captain named him after the song. You can rename him if you like, since he's yours. I was going to take him back home with me but he already seems to be taken with you," I said, watching the kitten's look of contentment in Anders arms.

"Well the kitten obviously has great taste in men," he said and smirked at me. I raised my eyebrow at him as he continued to pet the kitten. "Seelia, I don't know what to say. He's perfect."

"Don't expect the same from his sister. She's quite taken with Fenris and though he will not admit it, he is with her as well," I smiled. "Say you'll give him a good home. It's all I ask. He should make a good mouser for you and Maker knows you could use one around here," I said and got up. "Are you alright now, Anders?"

He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile. "Yes, I think so. But the Knight-Captain…"

"I've already spoken to him and he will disregard your drunken outburst but he warns that you can't keep having them and expect Meredith not to react. I'm worried about you, Anders, I really am. I don't know how I would have felt, coming back from Antiva and learning you were killed, or worse…made Tranquil," I said softly. "Your anger only adds fuel to Justice. I worry what he would do if given full control of you one day."

"When I agreed to merge with Justice, I did it with good intentions. It wasn't certain what would happen to him, if he would cease to exist or merely return to the fade and I thought if it was someone he could trust…" he said and sighed. "I know what my anger has done to him and it cannot be allowed to continue. I've been researching ways to separate us."

I walked closer to him. "That's wonderful Anders. I know you went into this with your eyes open but having to struggle with your anger as well as keep Justice in check is taking a heavy toll on you. I see it every time I see you and I can't help but worry," I said and kneeled in front of him. "You've gained better control this time. It seemed that Justice would take control earlier but you stopped him."

He would not look at me when he said this. "I couldn't let him hurt you again, Seelia. Not now."

"Not now? What has changed?" I asked him but he would not look at me. I reached up and grabbed his chin but he averted his eyes as well. "Damn you, Anders! What changed that made you stop Justice?" I demanded but he closed his eyes instead. I let go of his chin and sat back on my heels. "Dear Maker, you know, don't you?"

After a few moments he answered. "Yes."

"How could you know? It was only just confirmed in Antiva!" I asked.

"Since the night of your wedding, when you told me you were feeling ill, I've known. I just didn't know what to say to you then, to explain…"

"There's nothing you need to explain to her, _mage_," Fenris said heatedly, standing by the now open door of the clinic. "Why she insists on saving you time and again is something I never understood. Your constant pursuit of my wife is something I have overlooked too many times. I felt in debt to you for saving her life but whatever truce we had ends tonight."


	19. Chapter 19

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**I apologize if this chapter seems chaotic but it's meant to be.**_

_**NINETEEN**_

_"I must admit that I do miss speaking with Cullen as I used to. I always knew how he felt for Siobhan but still it was nice talking to someone who knew her," said Bethany and I sighed._

_ "At least you have someone to speak with," I said, biting the inside of my cheek to keep the tears from falling once again._

_ "Surely he cannot still be mad at you, sister," said Bethany as I sat beside her sadly._

_ "If only that were true, Bethany. It's been so long since he has spoken to me and I have seen even less of him every day that has passed. I fear that I am losing him all over again and I do not know what I can do to fix it," I sobbed. I leaned against her shoulder, needing to be held for some small measure of comfort. Truthfully I was falling apart._

_ "Has Anders not come to see you at all?" she asked but I quickly shook my head, sitting back and looking again at her._

_ "When I left the clinic that night I asked that he give me time to speak with Fenris, but he has seen to it that we never have time to ourselves," I told her, wiping the tears from my eyes._

_ "And what of Varric? Maybe he can…"_

_ "When I took over the Bone Pitt from Hubert, I gave Varric the rights to half of the mines since he has better business contacts than I. With all the recent dangers I fear that we may need to shut them down for good. As we speak, they are there with Anders and Sebastian," I said and she smirked._

_ "Is the man purposely trying to separate you from any man who is vying for your attention?" she commented._

_ "From Anders, to be certain…but Sebastian? You are as crazy as Isabela to even consider that…"_

_ "Chantry bound or not, he is still a man, sister, and one that has quite a past," she said._

_ "Now who's been filling you head with such tales, dear sister?" I asked, curious as to what she could possibly have been told about the archer._

_ "There are a few mages from Starkhaven who had seen him on occasion when he comes with one of the Chantry sisters for service here at the tower. They say he once had quite a reputation back at his home," she whispered._

_ "What could the Starkhaven mages know of Sebastian's past? Surely the circle tower…"_

_ "Just because the mages do not get the chance to interact with the rest of the city does not mean they do no hear or see what they should not, sister," she said while looking at me crossly and I blushed._

_ "I'm sorry, Bethany. It just surprises me that you seem to know so much about a man that you barely knew before having to come to the circle," I apologized._

_ "Something troubles me, Seelia and I have been struggling with it since you told me you were pregnant," she said suddenly, grabbing my hands in hers. I knew what she was about to say and could only look away to give her the chance to voice what I had struggled with myself. "Have you considered the possibility that your child may also be a mage? Our father was a mage and you told me once that Fenris' sister had been a mage. Given his past and his hatred, how do you think he will feel if your child…"_

_ "I…I have wondered that myself, Bethany. It worries me but in my heart I know he will overcome his hatred. We can only wait and see…"_

The pain is what initially woke me and it took all that I had not to cry out. At first I was confused. _Was I not just speaking to Bethany this morning?_ I asked myself. _Where am I? What is the source of this pain?_

I thought hard and recalled leaving the tower and slowly making my way back to Hightown, wanting nothing more than to relax and hope that I would finally see Fenris. It was late in the afternoon when I finally made it home when Bodahn stopped me and handed me an urgent letter to visit the Viscount. As distracted as I was I left without bothering to change into my usual armor or even grab a single weapon when I ventured back out to the Keep.

I recalled the worried and haggard look on Dumar's face and knew that the trouble could only mean that Saemus had finally left for good. Both father and son were so stubborn that I knew that if they did not resolve the issues that stood between them, Saemus would eventually leave, if not to the Qunari then to some other group who he would blindly follow.

I recall asking Aveline to join me to visit the Arishok at the compound at the docks. I didn't bother asking Isabela to join us, knowing she would only make up another excuse, confirming what I had suspected since I got involved with her years ago.

I recall…_Saemus in my arms_. I saw myself weeping over his still warm body, regretting I had not been able to convince him to work his problems out with his father. And now he was gone, a bright young man lost to us.

I recall…_hatred_. Looking up at the smug face of Mother Petrice and her followers. Hearing as she blamed me for the death of Saemus. I looked down at my blood stained hands and reach for my broad sword, daring Andraste to strike me down for wanting to see this woman pay for causing the death of someone I had come to consider my friend. Instead my hand grasped nothing, having left my sword in my rush to find out what was so urgent.

Thankfully I had listened to Aveline and we stopped long enough to drag Isabela away from a winning hand at cards and they were here at my back, with weapons ready against the overwhelming number of followers Mother Petrice had gathered around her. But they were not as battle savvy as the well-trained Guard-Captain or pirate that I called friends.

I recalled holding Saemus a few moments longer before her followers attacked. Aveline could spare only a dagger but that was the only weapon I needed. I was blinded by my rage, unaware of anything other than making my way to Mother Petrice. I did not notice any feeling other than my desire to see her plead for her life but in the confusion, somehow she had left without my noticing. And then…the Grand Cleric was brought in to witness the bodies of Mother Petrice's now dead followers, again laying the blame for so much death at my feet. It was hard to deny since I was covered in their blood.

I recall informing Elthina on the actions of Mother Petrice and it was her own inability to mask her hatred, her true self that caused the Grand Cleric to accept that she had more involvement than she lead on. I felt triumphant, although disappointed that she had not met her end at my hand.

But that was soon rectified. I turned to see where it had come from and finally noticed the Qunari on the second level with bow still in hand. I looked down as the blood seeped from the wound on her forehead, admiring the shot and counting my blessing that arrow had not been meant for me.

I recalled…briefly, the Viscount's grief.

I recalled…Isabela's hand steading me as I felt woozy.

Darkness.

I recall…waking now to voices.

"…tell me why the stubborn woman was out without her weapon or armor?" It took me a moment to realize the voice belonged to Fenris.

"The Viscount's letter was urgent enough to get her out of the mansion before she put on her armor," Aveline explained.

"Why didn't she wait for me?" asked Fenris. "How could you let this happen?"

"…we didn't notice the blood…"

"How long was she supposed to wait, you stupid elf? Your wife has been a sobbing mess for weeks now and you're blaming this on us?" Isabela yelled back.

My eyes flew open. I frantically looked around and found that I was in my bedroom, once again bandaged. I dreaded reaching under the covers, needing to see what I was beginning to dread. The bedroom door closed softly and I finally noticed that someone had been sitting by the fire. My eyes adjusted as he slowly walked towards me.

I held my hand out to Sebastian as he sat on the bed close to me.

"Do you remember anything, Seelia?" he asked softly.

"The Gallows," I paused to swallow. "Bethany." I tried to clear my throat before I could speak again. "I received a letter from the Viscount, about Saemus…" My eyes started to tear as I saw it all again.

"Do you remember being at the Chantry?" he asked.

"Mother Petrice had Saemus killed," I said slowly, as tears fell down my cheeks. "She tried to kill us again, Sebastian. I wanted her to pay for what she did to Saemus," I admitted, not looking at him.

"Mother Petrice has paid, Seelia, but not by your hand."

"I regret that I was not the one to do it but she deserved to die," I said evenly.

"Do you remember anything past that?"

I opened my mouth to answer but stopped when I realized I did not. I had been completely surprised to wake up here in my room, much less in another bandage and in more pain than I had been since…

"Why am I in such pain?" I finally managed to ask.

"Aveline brought you back to the mansion since we had not yet returned. Bodahn cleaned you wound and stopped the bleeding, but…"

"Where's Anders? Makers breath, Sebastian, I cannot bear this!" I asked as pain shot up my abdomen as I tried to sit up. He got up and went to the basin that held water and poured some in a small glass. He walked back to the bed once again and sat down quickly. I watched as he took a small vial from inside his armor and pour some of the fluid in the water.

"Fenris would not allow him to come to you but I will convince him," He said, carefully helping me slowly drink from the cup. "This is something to help with the pain. It was all I could get from Anders before Fenris shut him out. Get some rest and don't worry, I will be back with Anders before you wake up again."


	20. Chapter 20

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWENTY**_

"Damn you, you bloody elf! Are you trying to kill her?" I could faintly hear though my eyes refused to open. The voice was unmistakably belonged to Anders.

_Do not listen. Rest now and soon it will all be over,_ a voice said to me. I should be afraid as I felt the voice pull me away but I felt all of my will leave me. I could feel only a slight tug of pain but it was not enough to wake me this time. Even with my eyes closed I felt the warmth of magic surround me as I fell deeper asleep.

_Sleep._

I had no sense of time, only the peaceful feeling of warmth as the pain receded slowly. The glow surrounded me and I felt it settle all over my skin. I looked around and everything had a golden hue and I knew that this could only be Anders' magic surrounding me but there was a hint of something else that I could not place. When it started to fade, I felt almost sad to lose the warmth and wanted only to feel it once again.

"…Sebastian! Catch him before he falls!" I heard Anders cry out. I struggled to open my eyes but felt something still holding me back. "I wouldn't need you at all if you hadn't dragged me here without warning…"

_There's time enough yet…_No! Wake up!

"…that's the best I can do. If only you hadn't waited so long…"

I must not… _Sleep._

I awoke to the sound of prayer. A familiar chant I had often heard from my mother…but the voice was not hers. I finally opened my eyes to see Sebastian once again. He was seated in a chair facing the bed and leaned closer to me as I looked around. He got up and sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm glad to see you are finally awake, Seelia," he said as I focused on him.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked softly.

"Two days. Anders said you would need time to rest."

"What happened? Where is Anders?" I asked. "Where is…Fenris?"

"They were both exhausted after he healed you. We put them in separate rooms to rest as well," he said.

"We?"

"We've all taken turns sitting by your bedside, Seelia," he said.

"May I have some water?" I asked and he got up to pour some into a glass for me. He helped me take small sips and I felt a little better, more alert. He was looking down at the glass in his hands and would not look at me.

"Seelia, I have been speaking with Anders…" he said and finally looked me in the eyes. "Is there something you wish to say to me?"

"Nothing that I am aware of."

"Are you certain?" he insisted. "Even the littlest thing?"

I could see that whatever Anders had said had upset him but I was unsure of what it was.

"Leave me alone, Sebastian. I do not want to think of whatever he said to make you so upset. I do not need any more men in my life angry at me for defending Anders as I do," I said, turning my back to him. I felt him get off the bed and walk away. I turned to see that he was truly gone before putting my head back down on the pillow and falling back asleep.

Immediately I found myself back in the unfamiliar room where I had first found the young child. I looked around, sensing that he should be here as he once was but I did not see him. I wandered around the various rooms until I was rushing towards a set of stairs, desperate now to find him. As I came closer to the bottom I heard his small voice and I stopped when I realized that he was yelling at a man that I could not see clearly. I watched as he threw out his small arms to bar the man from entering the room.

"No! You cannot have her! I will not let you!" he was yelling.

The man looked past him and I could only see his clear blue eyes staring back at me.

_Not yet but I am patient. _I heard him say as I backed up the stairs, knowing that I could not get far enough away from him.

When I made it back up the stairs the child was waiting for me with a sad look on his face. I went over and drew him into my arms and held him tight. Finally he moved back from me and said, "You can't keep coming here."

I looked at him and brushed his hair away from his eyes. "I worry about you here all alone," I told him.

"I'm okay with being alone now. You've helped me not be afraid anymore. But if you're here then he will come for you," he said and started to whimper.

I hugged him close to me again. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

When I opened my eyes again, he was gone and I could feel that I was truly alone.

I awoke once again to soft voices and movement close by me in the bed. I felt a soft touch on my cheek and for a moment I was hopeful that it was Fenris until I realized that the voice I heard belonged to Aveline.

"Merrill, get off the bed now! I won't tell you again!" she demanded in a hushed voice.

I felt the warmth move away from me as Merrill scooted off the bed. I was tempted to reach out to her but my body would not move.

"I couldn't help myself, Aveline. I could see that she was crying and everyone deserves to be held when they cry," she said softly back. "Even I know that."

"Fenris only tolerates us here as long as we do not wake her. See that you do not get us kicked out," Aveline said.

"It's sad to see her like this," Merrill said softly. "Hawke has always been so strong for me."

"The only thing we can do is be here for her now, Merrill. Hawke is a stubborn woman."

"I'd say she's just as stubborn as Fenris," Merrill laughed softly.

"Poor elf must be exhausted by now," said Aveline.

"I don't know if I've ever seen him like this. Angry, yes, but this…"

"He's grieving, Merrill," Aveline said. "Let him be."

"I rather miss his broodiness. At least I knew what to expect from him then."

I fell back asleep, shutting out their words.


	21. Chapter 21

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Kris, who I confused with my recent chaos. Enjoy!**_

_**TWENTY-ONE**_

I awoke later, thankfully, to an empty room. I looked around and decided I what I needed most was to get up and out of the mansion as quickly as possible. As usual, Bodahn had left plenty of water for my use and I used a cloth to freshen up as much as possible before standing in front of the full length mirror, staring briefly at the new ugly scar on my abdomen. I touched it gently and felt the loss once more.

I went to my wardrobe only to find that every single gown I had had made was now gone. I could only imagine that Fenris had taken the offending garments. It was only a matter of what condition I would eventually find them in. _Well, at least I know a good seamstress here in Hightown,_ I thought to myself and sighed. It had been Varric's idea to help her set up a shop in Hightown once it was known she had made my wedding gown and it only seemed right that we help her restart the business she left behind.

I was able to locate my padded linen tunic and leggings hidden in the back of the wardrobe and was in the process of putting them on when I heard a voice from the doorway. Startled, I put down the armor I was planning on putting on next.

"What do you think you're doing?" Fenris asked.

"I'm going out. I need some fresh air and it seems I'll need to order more gowns," I simply said, unbuckling the straps. I could feel him walk up behind me. "And no one is going to stop me."

"Stubborn woman," he muttered.

"That's what everyone keeps telling me," I joked lightly when I felt him gently take my armor away from me and I finally turned to him. I wasn't sure what to expect but the soft look he gave me made my heart melt as he gently reached out and touched my face.

"Sometimes I forget," he said and took my hand.

I moved closer to him and looked into his tired face, remembering that Aveline had commented on his apparent exhaustion the night before. I knew that seeing me injured had caused him to again rely heavily on Anders help to heal me. The last time had taken a heavy toll on him and I had hated myself for causing him so much pain. I despised myself even more now in acting out when my rage took control, which was as much of a surprise to me as to anyone that I had been unaware of ever being injured.

Looking back, I can still see the look of triumph on the face of the man who stood between me and Mother Petrice, armed only with a knife. I saw the look of disbelief as I did not react, only reaching up and slitting his throat before moving on to the next man in my way. In his eyes I saw the look of complete rage on my face, a look I had not seen since confronting the mage who killed my mother.

I slowly put my arms around him, molding myself to him as I used to. I was startled as I felt that he had indeed gotten thinner and I looked up at him again briefly before he kissed me gently. It had been so long that I had felt his lips on mine that I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that it had all just been a silly dream. I pulled at his hair as I felt him tugging my tunic out of my leggings. I looked at him and in his eyes saw the desire I had missed and kissed him again, tearing at his shirt, wanting to feel his skin against mine once again as we moved slowly towards the bed.

I pulled away breathless as I heard sounds coming from the main hall. I heard him growl against my neck as I turned towards the door.

"Ignore it!" he said, his breath hot on my neck.

"But…"

"I swear I will kill that mage!" was all he said as I pushed him back.

"Why would that be Anders?" I asked.

"He is still recovering in one of the other rooms. I assume that can only be him," he said. He tried to turn towards the door but I stopped him by putting my hand on his cheek and again his face softened as he looked up at me.

"No, Fenris I must say this and you will listen," I said and took a deep breath. "If things had not ended between Anders and me…it would not have stopped me from helping you. I do not abandon those close to me."

"How can you expect me to stand back while you constantly go to him, knowing that he still desires you?" he asked, looking away but I cupped his cheek and turned his face back towards me.

"Because I chose you, dear husband. I married you and want nothing more than to be by your side," I said. "Anders will always be a part of my life but he chose to walk away from me. Nothing he does now will ever make me stop loving you, my elf. Not even you," I said and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

I pushed him back onto the bed and turned to see what the noise was from downstairs. I stood at the balcony and looked down to the main hall as my new kitten Emilia, my mabari hound Jasper and Sandal were playing in front of the fireplace. I smiled down at them for a moment and went back in to the bedroom. I walked to the bed and looked at the now peacefully sleeping form of Fenris and smiled. I joined him on the bed and snuggled next to him and for the first night in weeks, did not dream.


	22. Chapter 22

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWENTY-TWO**_

I woke the next day late in the afternoon and looked at Fenris, who looked so peaceful that I did not want to wake him. He had a faint smile on his lips and I laid there watching him for a few minutes before finally getting up once again and quietly continued dressing before grabbing my long sword. I could hear someone pacing loudly downstairs and I was only slightly surprised to see that it was Isabela. I watched her from the balcony as she alternately paced in front of the fireplace before throwing herself in one of the chairs before getting up once again to pace. From the agitated look on her face I could tell she was arguing with herself over something.

"For the love of the Maker, could you possibly do that any louder?" I whispered loudly to her as I descended the stairs. "I could hear you all the way in my bedchamber and Fenris is still sleeping!"

I knew whatever it was, it was serious because she did not bother to make any comment past the raised eyebrow she gave me.

"Andraste's ass, Hawke! You startled me. I forget what a light sleeper you are," she said. Again she got up but had her arms crossed over her abdomen and would not look at me directly in the eyes.

"One learns to sleep with one eye open when living in Lowtown, especially with my uncle, who was constantly looking for any money that we hid from him," I said. "Now tell me what is troubling you that you are wearing a path from my fireplace to the chair?"

"I'm sorry, Hawke, it's just…" she started to explain but I grabbed her elbow and steered her into the library so we could speak in private. I walked her towards the set of chairs and sat down beside her, laying my sword flat upon my knees.

"Now, start slow, Isabela but spit it out before your head explodes," I told, clasping my hands in front of me.

"Alright if you insist. Remember when we first met and I told you I was looking for a relic?" she reminded me. I nodded and she continued. "Well I finally have a solid lead on where it is and I really need your help. Normally I would go by myself but it seems I'm not the only one interested in it…"

"Would this relic happen to belong to the Qunari?" I asked, interrupting her.

She looked at me in surprise before answering. "Wait. How did you know?"

"Come on, Isabela. I suspected it long ago. You merely losing your ship would never have kept you here unless you were looking for something important and the Arishok claims he cannot return to Seheron without something that was stolen from his people. It doesn't take much to put the two pieces together," I told her. "I'm just surprised it took you this long to find it."

"As am I," she admitted, sitting back in the chair and looking at me.

"You do know that by returning it we could probably solve this whole mess between Kirkwall and the Qunari," I told her. From her lack of response, I knew that wasn't what she had in mind. "But somehow I don't think that was exactly part of your plan."

"Well you're right at that one. There's a man that is also looking for the relic and if I don't give it to him, make no mistake, he will kill me. You know I don't scare easily, but this man scares the shit out of me," she confessed.

"Isabela, if we don't give this relic back to the Qunari they will start a war. There's no _if_ involved there but more of a _when_ it will happen but it will happen. Every day that passes brings us a day closer to that eventuality. The Arishok has been patient up to a point until now but I do not expect his patience to be infinite. Especially not after incident with Saemus," I told her. "Do you want that on your conscience?"

"No, I suppose not. You've made me soft, Hawke," she said and gave me a reluctant grin.

"I do that to those around me it seems," I said and got up. "Now, explain to me how and where are we going to find this relic?"

"Tonight. I just need to make sure my contact will be there first. He's been a squirmy bastard lately and that's how I know he now has it," she said.

"We better leave now. I don't want to have to explain all this to Fenris when he wakes up," I said but noticed that she was looking over my shoulder.

"I don't think you have that choice anymore, Hawke. The broody elf is glaring at us as we speak," she said and I took a deep breath. I had hoped he would sleep a little bit longer but it seems he was a lighter sleeper than I was.

"Go back to the Hanged Man and speak to Varric. I will join you as soon as I can. We'll get through this, Isabela," I said, holding out my hand to her which she took and squeezed before she got up and quickly left, leaving me to explain to Fenris her latest request. I knew that after everything that had happened, convincing him would not be easy, especially once I explain Isabela's part in it all. But making him see that perhaps we could avoid a potentially dangerous situation now was something I needed to do and soon or we would be involved in a far worse situation than ever before.

I turned to him and saw that he was dressed in his armor, standing with his arms crossed his chest. I sighed when I thought of leaving him looking so content in his sleep and wanted nothing more than to go back upstairs and lay down beside him once more.

_Maker, please let me not regret helping her_, I thought.


	23. Chapter 23

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWENTY-THREE**_

Fenris and I stepped out into the square and I spotted Aveline coming down the stairs of the Keep, heading towards me and a reluctant Fenris, who was still swearing under his breath.

"Do I even want to ask for a translation?" she asked while raising an eyebrow.

"I would safely say no and be lucky you didn't. I think he could teach Isabela something new if she ever took the time to learn," I joked and he looked up at me. I winked at him and turned back to Aveline.

"Where are you going, Hawke? I was just coming to see how you were doing," she said as she took in my armor and sword at my back.

"I don't need another babysitter, Aveline. I have some business that needs to be cleared up and if we're lucky, be done with a few headaches in the process."

"I'll leave you to it then but I need to see you soon after if you have a chance," she said and turned to go back up the steps. "And Hawke," she paused briefly to look at us both. "I'm glad to see the two of you together again."

I smiled at her and watched her climb the steps.

"Why did you not tell her about Isabela?"

"Because she would demand to come with us and possibly arrest her for not saying something sooner," I answered.

"But you said it yourself; it was obvious that what she stole had some significance for the Qunari. Whatever it is must be something they would not want to fall into the wrong hands."

"Isn't that the case with all things involving the Qunari?" I pointed out. "Let's just get going. The longer we keep Isabela waiting the more likely she will try to take the relic and make a run for it. Maybe once we have it I can convince her to let me return it."

"You cannot continue to fight everyone's battles for them, Hawke. Some people need to learn to make their own mistakes," he argued.

"Some people just need help finding the right path to take, Fenris," I said in return. "I'm not exactly sure right now which path Isabela will take since she has always needed to look out for herself. She may choose to stay and fight or she may choose to run. I just need her to know that I will help her here and now."

"It is reasoning's like yours which make me fear to leave your side," he said and put his hand on my cheek. "The last two times you were injured while I was away from you."

"I suppose that is the benefits of marriage, Fenris. Never leaving your side is exactly what I wanted. And having the honor of always fighting besides you is always the added benefit."

"Then lead the way and I will try to leave some of the fun to you, my love," he said and I gave him a kiss on the lips.

"Let's go."

**-)(-**

Parts of the city were burning as we ran through it, helping where we could. I watched as Varric split off from the rest of us to find Merrill. I was certain that this battle would eventually lead us back to Hightown and knew that if Anders had rested enough, he and Jasper would defend Bodahn, Sandal and Orana.

We made our way through the various sections of the city, fighting Qunari and the various converts to the Qun. I could not help but feel sorry for them, knowing that in a way they were adding themselves to a more regimented way of life, leaving everything that they once knew behind. But most were not the trained warriors that the Qunari were and easily fell. Off in a distant alley I saw some of the city guards as well as men in armor that I did not at first recognize. My eyes widen when I finally recognized the griffon on their breast plates and knew these could only be Grey Wardens. I bowed my head at the man I believed to be in charge and we sped off in different directions.

We fought besides Meredith and the Templars in the Hightown market square, something I thought I would never imagine happening. I could see that even with such overwhelming numbers against her, Meredith would sooner die than surrender. Still we fought on, towards the steps of the Keep where a bulk of the Arishok's vanguard was located. It was here that we found the First Enchanter Orsino and I quickly checked that the corpses that surrounded him were not Bethany before checking to be sure he was unharmed.

I looked up and decided that since they were so determined to keep anyone out then it meant that each minutes wasted would spell disaster for Kirkwall and the possibility that Viscount Dumar had already been executed. Against my better judgment, I decided to confront those blocking the direct path into the Keep to prevent a later ambush. Before Meredith had time to argue the obvious flaws in my plans, I rushed up the steps with Fenris and Aveline by my side. I could sense rather than see that the First Enchanter offered his help from the bottom of the steps before Meredith moved to join us. Once we had thinned them out, I made a dash for the doors of the Keep, leaving the wounded and stragglers for Meredith and her Templars.

Inside there were fewer Qunari and with more warriors now at my side, we fought through them, noting the bodies of several nobles laying where they were killed when the Arishok forced his way into the Keep. I was weary and knew that once we entered the Throne room, one of us would not be coming out. I felt brief warmth and knew that Orsino was offer more of his magic, this time to heal the small wounds I had mostly ignored until now and I turned to thank him. Meredith scoffed as I did and refused his help as I knew she would. But I knew that every little bit would help to hopefully end this. I turned and caught the eye of Knight-Captain Cullen and gave him a slight nod of my head before heading into the throne room.

The room was in chaos, with terrified nobles huddled in groups and immediately I spotted the body of Dumar. I had dreaded finding it, knowing that even if we win this conflict with the Arishok, we were now left without anyone to put Kirkwall back together. I stood defiantly before the Qunari leader and let him see that I was not afraid of him, even if some part of me knew that I should be. Seeing the death of so many around me gave me the courage to stand there and challenge the most powerful man I had ever seen when the unexpected happened.

Isabela it seemed had a change of heart and returned with the relic. I would not express this in front of the Arishok but I stood and gave her a knowing look, to let her see that I was proud of her for returning.

"It's your own bloody fault, Hawke. I told you that you've made me soft. I was half way gone when I realized I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you," she said.

"Better late than never to grow a conscience, Isabela," I said to her before looking at the Arishok once more. But from the curl of his lip I could see that the mere return of the relic, a book, would not be enough to appease him. I stood before Isabela, even as Fenris tried to stop me and stood defiant once more.

"There can be only one way this can end, Hawke," the Arishok said. "One of us must die for this to end. Are you willing to give up your life for a thief?"

"I am willing to give it up for a friend," I said and he sighed.

"Very well then," he said and advanced towards me with his heavy swords. I knew that this would be a test of how well I could match his speed and fend off the crushing blows from both weapons. I knew that the first thing I must do was unhand at least one of his heavy swords to stand any chance of winning. I got my chance and took it but not without feeling his heavy hands sweep me off my feet. I rolled away and placed myself in-between him and his second sword.

I had been right to be cautious of Isabela's intentions even if she came back in the end. Even then it was doubtful we would live to see the next day. I was only thankful to be fully healed and could just barely hold my own against such a strong opponent as the leader of the Qunari. That he agreed to fight me himself was considered a great honor, even if he himself believed I had no chance of defeating him.

I looked at the faces of each of my friends; saw how Isabela kept reaching for her daggers even though I agreed to fight this battle alone. I could see the worry etched in Aveline's eyes and the agony written all over Fenris' face and used it to find some small reserve left inside as we paused, both bloody and quickly tiring. I slumped against the nearest wall, losing the grip on my sword and waited to see the smile of triumph on the Arishok's face as he raised his large sword and came at me. I waited until the last second and rolled to the side, slicing the back of his knees with a dagger Isabela had once given me long ago, when I came to a stop on my knees. I turned as he fell on the steps. I got back up to quickly retrieve my sword and kick his away, knowing that there would could only be one way to claim victory. I paused, looking down at someone I had come to respect and regretted that it had all come to this as I raised my sword and plunged it into his heart.

I watched as the rest of the Qunari left the throne room as Meredith and her Templar's finally made their way in. I could see the look of contempt she gave me from the back of the room as the surviving nobles realized that the Arishok was finally dead and they cheered. It was a hollow sound in my ears as it had come at a high price. The Viscount lay dead by his throne and the Arishok slain by my hand. Two honorable men who wanted nothing more than to protect those trusted in their care.


	24. Chapter 24

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWENTY-FOUR**_

_ The champion of Kirkwall. _

They all call me this now_._ I cannot walk anywhere in Hightown without a noble wanting to stop and speak to me for no apparent reason what-so-ever, or a vendor trying to give me something, hoping it would advance their business as it had with the seamstress who now makes all my clothes. I even commissioned robes for Bethany and even secretly for Anders, though I was doubtful he would ever use them.

And that was just the beginning of the headaches I was expecting that day as I walked into the middle of a discussion at the Hanged Man. It seemed everyone was determined to set my future for me.

"All I'm saying is that without a new Viscount, Kirkwall will only fall further into chaos. The guard is stretched to its limits and Meredith is determined not to give an inch on anything. The Viscount's seat must be filled by someone who puts the will of the people first and not someone who uses terror to control people," said Aveline.

"You know as we do that Hawke will not want the Viscount's seat. She needs to be more active in all that happens in and around Kirkwall and she would never be happy with sitting back while others act upon her orders," Isabela put in.

"And besides, when have you known Hawke to step back when there's something exciting going on. I bet that new seamstress of hers is beside herself with having to replace all her ruined clothing. I forget sometimes she doesn't always go around wearing someone else's blood all the time. If she were a mage, I'd be worried," joked Varric.

"No all the ruined clothing I'd blame solely on Fenris," Isabela put in and chuckled.

_I need to put a stop to this once and for all,_ I thought to myself.

"Doesn't anyone ever care what I want?" I asked as I walked in.

"Of course we care what you want, Hawke…it's just Kirkwall needs someone strong to turn to. Maybe nothing permanent if that's what you're afraid of but at least until a new Viscount can be found," Aveline said.

"And what if that takes years to do, Aveline? Do you honestly see me listening to the nobles gripe about things day in and day out? The nobles are not exactly as discreet as all of you sitting here plotting behind my back to sit me on the Viscount's seat. They don't want to have to deal with all the things that Dumar was plagued with. What if for some reason a new Arishok were to come to Kirkwall, who would naturally he be inclined to seek out?" I said as I took a seat and looked at them all.

"Even if you were not the Viscount, any sane person would seek you out, Hawke. You've made quite a name for yourself as the new Champion. Even Meredith dare not oppose you," said Sebastian.

"I didn't ask to be Kirkwall's Champion, Sebastian. As with everything else, it just sort of…_happened_. I cringe anytime someone approaches me and address me as such. And we all know Meredith would never back me as Viscount, not with a sister in the Gallows. She would claim I was being influenced by the tower to overthrow her, even if she had the right to rule while the city is without a Viscount," I said. "And how long before the nobles demanded that I remarry someone they deem appropriate? I know it made quite a scandal when I so publically married Fenris. How long before the lesser nobles present themselves as worthy candidates, with my husband standing not far from me?" I demanded. "My mother used to say she wanted to set a match between the Seneschal and myself once. How long before he makes advances?"

"Was that the cute lesser noble at the Keep? The one who was always with Dumar?" Isabela asked and giggled when I nodded. "Oh, I wouldn't worry about him if I were you, Hawke. Let's just say his tastes are a little different than you'd expect."

I looked at her and shook my head. "Something tells me I really don't want to know Isabela."

"I do. What does that mean, Isabela?" Merrill asked from where she was sitting. I looked at her sitting on Varric's bed, petting the black kitten I had given to Anders.

"Merrill, is that Remi you have in your arms?" I asked her.

"Yes. Anders lets me care for him when he's away from the clinic. Says he doesn't want him to get lonely and wander off in Darktown," she said and I frowned slightly, having been unaware that Anders was away from Kirkwall at the moment.

"And what if they suggested a closer tie to Starkhaven? How would that sit with your vows, Sebastian?" I asked him and he looked away from me.

"Would marriage to me be so bad, Seelia?" he asked quietly.

"It would be nothing but a sham, Sebastian. Even if you took back your home and were forced to remarry, it should be to someone you love, who can give you an heir and not someone you parade in front of the nobles. No, as much as I care for you I could not marry you, my friend," I told him. "First and foremost, it would not be fair to Fenris. I love my husband very much and if becoming Viscount came with such demands I would never consider it." I said heatedly.

"At least think on it, Hawke. That's all we ask," said Aveline.

"I'm done thinking about it, Aveline. And I do not want any of you talking about this to Fenris. He would only try to convince me to do it, even if it meant losing me," I said and looked away. "Now someone please tell me there is something going on that I can actually deal with…preferably with a sword." I said, making it clear that my mind was made up.


	25. Chapter 25

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TWENTY-FIVE**_

I left once it was obvious that they wanted only to continue to argue my refusal to take Viscount seat. As I was shutting the door, I could still hear Isabela's voice coming from inside.

"Viscount Hawke…_now that is a nice sound to it!"_

I took a deep breath and turned away from the door and saw that Anders was standing at the top of stairs.

"You won't even consider becoming the Viscount? I hear the nobles are already nominating you for the title," he said as I leaned against the door to Varric's suite.

"Were you listening all this time?" I asked.

"Most of it but I didn't want to interrupt the debate," he said. "I actually just stopped by to get Remi from Merrill."

"Then answer me this Anders: if I had married you instead Fenris and the nobles called for me to make a more suitable marriage, would you so easily step back and watch as I marry another? All for Kirkwall? Would it lessen the pain if I were to marry Sebastian?" I demanded and he looked away from me.

"Perhaps not. I don't think I could bear it," he admitted.

"And did anyone consider the scrutiny I am already under as "Champion"? Everything I do is criticized by some or emulated by others! How long will Meredith put up with that?" I asked him, crossing my arms. "After rearranging my marriage then they will come to all of you. How long do you think it would be before they "suggest" that it is not _proper _for me to be seen in the presence of an apostate, Warden or not? Or demand that I place Isabela in chains for her involvement with the relic? Or that being on friendly terms with the Guard-Captain is not something one of my _station_ should continue to be?" I said, shoving away from the door and walking up to him. "Is being Viscount worth all that? Is my being Viscount worth all the sacrifices I would be asked to make? Again, I selfishly say no. I thought at least you would understand, Anders," I said and walked past him down the stairs.

"I do understand. I only wanted to make sure that you were considering the good you could do as Viscount," he said as I continued to walk away.

As I made my way slowly from the Hanged Man to my home in Hightown I thought about what Anders had said.

_Consider the good I could do as Viscount?_ Surly he does not think that I could control Meredith in any way! Dumar once described her as constantly "nipping at his heels." Having seen her fight first hand, having seen her determination in action, I knew that nothing short of removing her from command would stop her. From the little I had spoken about her with Cullen as of late, many of the older Templars blindly followed her, but I could hear doubt creep into his voice when asked his own opinion of her.

_Power corrupts,_ I thought and Meredith was no exception. Her having almost full control of Kirkwall was making life harder on everyone, not just the mages. It was only a matter of time before things spun so far out of control I doubt anyone could piece this city back together again.

A struggling Ferelden was starting to look better and better to me all the time. _If only I could just take Bethany and be done_ _with this city_, I thought, not for the first time. I admitted that the only reason I stayed was to please my mother, seeing her happy in her childhood home made easier to stay in this once unwelcoming city.

_Would I be so different? _I thought back to my journey to Kirkwall, on my reception here, having to claw my way out of Lowtown, and finally buying back the mansion that had rightfully belonged to my mother. I have indeed come far, but only with the use of my quick wit and determination never to back down from a fight. What use would that be when stuck listening to the endless prattle of the petty nobility? I would most likely frighten everyone with my refusal to willingly go unarmed throughout the Keep.

_No, _I thought with my mind made up. I instead wished I had asked Aveline where I could possibly find Donnic so I could join him on his patrols. I needed something to keep my mind occupied or else I would begin to think of…

_No!_ I blinked back the sudden tears in my eyes as I finally made it to the door of my home. I knew that most likely Fenris would be back and I did not want him to see me this way.

Bodahn opened the door as I was about to knock and stepped aside so I could walk past him.

"Good evening, Messere," he said and I looked at him with a little bit of the annoyance I felt on my face. He knew I hated such formalities but I could not seem to break him of the habit.

"Good evening, Bodahn. Have any letters come in while I was out?" I asked as we walked towards the main hall.

"I left them on your desk for your to go through although one did seem rather important," he said. I turned to walk away when he pulled out a set of very odd keys he had stuck to his belt. "Messe…uh…before I forget, here is the new key to the door in the cellar," he said and handed me the strangest key I had ever seen.

"And you're sure no one will able to pick this?" I asked him.

"It was not easy to locate a proper smith here in Kirkwall but I spoke to your friend Varric and he knew of a surface dwarf that came highly recommended," he said and I gave the key back to him.

"Hold onto it, Bodahn. If something happens, I want you to take Orana with you out of Kirkwall. I have set aside some coin for your use just in case," I said and stopped him from protesting. "These are troubling times and it would ease my mind to know that you have something to help you get out when that time comes. This city has always seemed on the verge of imploding in on itself, now so more than ever." I said and folded his fingers around the key once again.


	26. Chapter 26

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**This chapter started out at the suggestion of a good friend. I need to add more to the next chapter but it starts here what I have been dreading to put down on paper. Fan art also helped with this chapter is called Worth by LadyWinde at DeviantArt. **_

_**TWENTY-SIX**_

_It's raining…Maker's breath, did I even notice it when I left the mansion?_ I asked myself as I sat huddled on the steps leading to the Chantry. I was soaked to the bone and the cloak I wore covered my face but was not enough to keep me dry. I sat in the darkest part of the steps so as not to disturb anyone rushing up the Chantry steps in this weather.

I had come to the Chantry to speak to Sebastian. He had asked me once if I had anything to confess to him and I sent him away. I knew there was much I felt in my heart I needed to speak with someone about but how do you confess something only half-remembered? Without proof it would seem ridiculous to explain that night, having woken in the cellar of my home, unaware when I had come down there and for what purpose. I could only remember faintly and I was too ashamed to delve deep into my own mind to find the answers I needed as to what I had done.

And now I had the proof in my hands…

I was wandering the mansion, looking for the kitten I could faintly hear but not see. I went from room to room and still could not find her when I passed the door that lead to the cellar, realizing she must have followed the smith when he was down there earlier. I paused at the door, wishing I had kept the key just a little longer so I could see how well the new locks held up, thinking to myself that I could always ask Isabela to try her skills at trying to unlock it sometime soon.

I picked up a candle and slowly made my way into the dark cellar, hearing the cries coming from further in. I wandered towards the noise until I found her. She was by the corner I had woken so long ago in, lapping her paw and cleaning behind her ears. She looked at me and cried once again as I put down the candle and held out my arms for her but instead she turned and walked further into the corner for a moment before returning with something in her mouth.

_Dear Maker, please let that not be a mouse! _I thought as she hopped into my arms and I took it from her. It was a dusty feather and heat filled my face as more of that night came to me. I saw it all clearly but from far off, through someone else's eyes. I scooped up the candle and ran back upstairs with the kitten still in my arms. I paced in front of the fire in the library, arguing with myself what I should do when I recalled Sebastian was always willing to talk over such matters with other, why not with me? And if not him then I needed some solace to figure out what I should do.

I left the mansion, grabbing a dark cloak and sword, making my way slowly to the Chantry steps when I felt a phantom pain in my abdomen. I sat down and thought about the last time I had been here at the Chantry, the night I failed to save Saemus, wondering if I had any right to step inside when I had defiled it with the blood of it followers._ Insane_ followers of Mother Petrice, yes, but believer's none-the-less. I stared down at the feather in my hand, unable to continue on up the steps or return to my home.

How long I sat there is a mystery to me but it must have started raining while I sat there, allowing myself to be drenched. I barely acknowledged the man climbing the steps towards me, as I locked in my own thoughts.

"Maker's breath! Seelia, why are you just sitting out in the rain?" Sebastian asked as he knelt down in front of me, reaching inside my hood and touching my face. "You're freezing!"

I barely moved when he decided it was best to carry me in his arms as he has so long ago, calling to a guard to open the Chantry doors so he could pass without putting me down. I could feel that it was much warmer as we crossed to the main chamber and he headed for the stairs when someone called out to him.

"Sebastian, who…is that Serah Hawke? Where did you find her?" asked the Grand Cleric once she reached us and pushed my cloak back to see my face.

"She was sitting out on the Chantry steps, Grand Cleric. I barely spotted her as I was returning," he said.

"Poor girl, always carrying the weight of Kirkwall around on her shoulders… Sebastian, get her in front a fire quickly. I will send a guard to find her husband," she said and walked away. "And a Sister to stay with her so you can change as well."

I had never thought about the quarters that Sebastian had at the Chantry, only thinking that they must be small and with little or no luxury that pointed out that in fact, he was the Prince of Starkhaven. Or he would be if I could finally convince him to return to his home, especially knowing that the current "Prince" was not the least bit worthy of sitting on the throne. I looked around at the small room, kept as neat as I knew he would have it. I looked at the bow that belonged to his grandfather, which had a place of honor above his mantle, the only thing that he had from the home he lost.

I did not see the face of the Sister who was sent by the Grand Cleric with blankets for me to dry off in, nor did I acknowledge her presence when Sebastian left his room to remove his armor. I glanced up as he returned and was surprised to see him in a plain shirt and dark trousers. I was so used to seeing him in his armor, the one his father had made for him long ago, that I almost did not recognize this new man. If it were not for his eyes, I would have thought that Sebastian had left me in the care of a stranger, a man I had never met before. I wondered if this was the real Sebastian, the man he could have been if he had not been promised to the life in the Chantry.

He knelt on the floor besides me and held me as the tears finally came, counting how long until Fenris would show up, worried that I had left once again so late without him when I had promised not to. I could not stay a moment longer, thinking about what I had done. Now I had lost the opportunity to speak privately with someone before having to face Fenris, and decide if I could bear to lose him if I confessed actions I did not recall, things I could have sworn were only parts of my imagination.

I cried also at my own cowardice.

I had thrown the feather into the fire when Sebastian had left and watched it burn until there was nothing but ash.


	27. Chapter 27

_**This loosely follows some of the DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Another piece of fan art to help inspire this chapter. It's a great pic of Sebastian comforting Hawke as she cries. It's called Comfort and it's by dragonheart on DeviantArt.**_

_**TWENTY-SEVEN**_

Sebastian sat quietly besides me, holding me as I tired myself out crying on his shoulder. I had tried so hard not to think back on that night. There were those around me for whom I needed to appear as if I had come out completely unscathed but the memories come unbidden late at night. I felt the need to quietly leave our bed and wander down to the library to be alone. Little by little, Fenris had stopped looking at me during the moments of elongated silence from me when I assured him that I was fine. I've lied to those I was closed so they would not see the truth that I saw so plainly on my face.

Every day I noticed the cracks in my armor that I covered with small smiles or forced laughter. I tolerated the adoration from those around me, those who only acknowledged my deeds once it pertained to them and not to the countless I had helped since arriving in Kirkwall. I completely understood the Arishok's disgust over the people who cared for nothing except their own advancement. I could not express to anyone the pain I have felt since I woke the day after…

I felt Sebastian's hand on the back of my head as I quieted down, spent. I felt genuine peace for the first time and closed my eyes, not wanting to move from the comfort of his arms. I knew that my being here might create concerns with the Grand Cleric; it did not seem right for me to be alone with him in his room, but as his friend in need of comfort, Sebastian was willing to accept the consequences my arrival would surely bring. If my leaning heavily on him caused him any discomfort, he did not say it out loud, only continued to hold me as I fell into an exhausted sleep.

I awoke some time later on an unfamiliar bed and saw Sebastian standing in front of the fire. I slowly sat up and looked around the room once again, seeing that the Sister was now gone and we were alone. I slowly swung my legs off his bed and stared at his profile lit by the fire before speaking.

"Sebastian, I'm so sorry. I keep causing you so many problems," I said softly at his back. He turned to me and shook his head. Again I marveled at the difference seeing him in something other than his armor made. This was not the Sebastian I had seen so often as of late but to me he appeared almost vulnerable, as I do when I am without a weapon or armor.

"You looked like you needed some time to rest. I could not send you away after seeing you sitting there on the Chantry steps, Seelia, not even at Fenris' insistence. I promised to see you home personally but not until you tell me why I found you the way that I did," he said. "I was worried about you."

I looked at my hands, trying to choose my words carefully. "You asked me once if I had something to confess, and I admit that I sent you away because I did not know how…"

"I have seen you struggle with your loss and felt that as your friend, I could only wait to see if you needed help to overcome it. To be honest, you are a very stubborn woman, Seelia," he said and I smiled.

"So I've been told, Sebastian. Too many times now that perhaps I should carry it as a disclaimer," I joked.

"And still you jest when I can see it is only to mask something you wish not to show. I now wonder if you can ever be serious about such things?" he asked.

"Of course I can be serious, Sebastian. I am merely buying time until I can figure out how I can explain myself," I said and sighed.

"Is it about Fenris? Has he…hurt you in some way?" he asked and I looked at him for what he was implying.

"Maker, no! If anything he has been more than patient with me. I see the worried looks he gives me, wondering when I'm going to break down but for some reason, I cannot," I said and looked as he walked towards me and sat down beside me.

"You don't always have to be so strong, Seelia. I've always marveled at your ability to overcome any obstacle until I realized that you merely hid them from the rest of us. I had hoped that you would find some comfort in speaking with me but did not want to approach you until you were ready," he said and I looked into his eyes.

"Am I so transparent? Here I thought I made myself into a stone so no one would see what I was feeling inside," I said wearily.

"You do hide it well, Seelia, and the few times you've allowed yourself to show weakness have been the worst that anyone could be expected to live with," he said and took my hand. "We've all lost something that was so dear to us."

"I didn't realize that I was under such scrutiny from you, Sebastian, but I'm glad that I can always seek your council when even I cannot come out and admit it even to myself," I smiled and squeezed his fingers. "I need you to be patient with me as I know that this will sound insane."

"There is nothing you could say that would make me think that, Seelia," he said and I sighed.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, Sebastian. Even I have come to doubt my sanity lately, as you may recall," I reminded him.

"Did you not find the answers you needed when speaking to Elthina?" he asked.

"I thought I did, Sebastian. I even convinced myself that everything I had been dreading was only a misunderstanding," I said. "Until earlier this evening when I found proof that I was neither dreaming or imagining things."

"What sort of proof?" he asked. I closed my eyes and tried once again to organize my thoughts, knowing that I needed to say the words out loud.

"Do you recall I mentioned things I could not make sense of? Memories that were not mine and visions I could not explain?" I asked. "Do you recall I mentioned finding myself in the cellar of my home, unaware how I had found myself there, without even a candle?"

"Yes but you never spoke of it again."

"I thought about what you and Elthina told me was the answer to what I had been experiencing. I could recall some of what had occurred that night but I could recall nothing concrete so I dismissed it as such," I said. "I have made excuses not to go back since that night but a recent break in had caused me to seek a smith to change the lock on the cellar door." I could see that he had questions but did not interrupt me.

"I assume that my curious kitten followed the smith down the steps and had been left behind when he finished. When I came home earlier I could not find her but heard her cries coming from the cellar so I went in search of her," I said and paused. "I found her in the corner that I had woken and she found something that brought back more images of that night."

"What did she find, Seelia?" he asked when I struggled to continue on.

"A feather."

"A feather? But what…" he started to say before looked back at me. "Oh."

"I don't know how or why any of it happened, Sebastian. You must believe me," I pleaded.

"Tell me what you recall of that night, what you remembered before you found the feather."

"Fenris had gone out to the Hanged Man with Varric. I was still so tired so I decided to stay in and eventually fell asleep. The next thing I recall is waking on the cellar floor," I said, thinking back to that night.

"How did you wake? Was there something different about anything from when you fell asleep?" he asked.

"I was wearing the tunic dress that I wear when I stay home but that wasn't what I wore to bed. And the cloak that was covering me was…dusty," I said, my eyebrows furrowing as I concentrated.

"And what do you recall now?" he asked and I flushed.

"I cannot…"

"Seelia, I know you this is difficult for you to speak of but I need you to say what you remember," he said sternly.

I closed my eyes to make it easier to recall and save me the embarrassment. "It's not as clear but I can recall mostly feelings. Hands moving my hair from my neck. I recall a gentle kiss, turned urgent and…" I swallowed loudly. I could feel how hot my face had become as I covered it with my hands.

"And you recalled nothing of this before you found the feather?"

"When I woke I was confused and knew something must have happened. I felt ashamed but could not explain why," I said. "I think the feather tells a different story all together. What it is and why it happened I cannot understand. I only know that it has made me doubt my sanity."

"You mentioned before that you felt disconnected from yourself. Did you feel that then?" he asked and I bit back a sob.

"I'm not sure what to believe anymore, Sebastian. From this I'm to understand that I betrayed the man I was to marry. What else can it mean other than that?" I asked, wiping angrily at my unshed tears. "It would explain why Anders did not expect me to marry Fenris." I said softly. "Before we left the celebration, Anders took me aside and told me but I did not understand at first. I still don't understand."

"The last time Anders healed you, it exhausted the both of them and in his delirium he spoke of a night you came to him. I didn't take him seriously until you came to me the first time," he confessed.

"Why didn't you say something, Sebastian? I was beside myself, thinking I was going insane!" I yelled at him. "I don't know what's worse, knowing that it happened or wondering who'd child I lost due to my anger?"

"It wasn't Anders," he said quietly.

I sat there stunned before asking. "I…how do you even know that?"

"Because he admitted to having Fenris give you something to prevent it, though not explaining what it was. He admitted that he had done it before, fearing your reaction to possibly having a child with magic," he said as more tears fell.

"What did he tell you, Sebastian?"

"He said Fenris should not have you…"

"Were those his exact words?" I asked.

"Not exactly," he said, looking at me. "At first he said 'He cannot have her.' Does this mean anything to you?"

"Yes and no."


	28. Chapter 28

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**There are sentences here that sound a little disjointed but they are meant to sound this way. Picture someone recalling something difficult, where it's best to close your eyes and say what you're seeing but not fully describing. **_

_**Another piece of fan art to help inspire this chapter. It's called Choose by emmav on DeviantArt, though I am unsure if it was commissioned art or her own. It is a great close up pic of the two men with Fenris' hand at Anders throat. **_

_**TWENTY-EIGHT**_

_Yes and no…_

"How can they be both?" Sebastian asked. I closed my eyes to better remember that first dream, thinking that might be the best way to explain.

I leaned my head back slightly before I spoke.

"There have been dreams as well. They feel almost like memories but none of them are mine," I tried to explain. "At first I was in a room that I was unfamiliar with. Nothing stood out at first, but I could feel despair and loneliness coming from somewhere nearby. I searched…until I heard the sound of a child crying and I went to him," I said and wrapped my arms around me, feeling goose bumps as I recalled the cold room. "After being in the Fade, some part of me knew I should be cautious but the sound of his tears…" I said and shivered. "He was so small and so afraid and I could only think to comfort him," I paused, seeing the child once again in my arms. "He seemed to calm down in my arms as he looked up at me," I said and furrowed my eyebrows.

"Who was it, Seelia?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "There was no mistaking his eyes, Sebastian. It was Anders," I said. "Why is this happening?" I asked and he drew me into his arms.

"I could not say for certainty, Seelia, but it seems that when Anders healed you the first time, it has… somehow connected you to him. But how it happened and how to stop it is beyond my knowledge. The only way of knowing is by asking the man himself and I do not know how you would feel about that," he said into my hair.

"How can I? The times we've met have ended badly, with Justice ready to step in when he loses his control. I do not think I could bear to look at him, knowing…"

"I think some part of you will always want to be with him, as he was your first love," he said and I sat back slowly, blinking, not knowing what to say as he continued. "We all knew, Seelia. When he broke your heart, it was not so easy for you to just walk away and no matter what he has done, you've still remained at his side."

"Even when my own husband has demanded that I not."

"Fenris sees that he still loves you and we've all seen that losing you has been slowly tearing Anders apart. The only thing that is sustaining him now is his crusade," he said softly.

"I am afraid to go to him, even to ask for answers he may choose not to give me and even more afraid that being with him will trigger something else I do not remember. Tell me, how can I go to him, if I cannot trust myself round him?" I asked.

"Do you wish me to go with you?" he asked, putting his hand gently on my elbow.

"You're sweet to offer, Sebastian, but right now I need to figure out what I'm going to do," I said.

"You mean about Fenris?"

"How can I tell him? How can I bear to lose him?" I asked softly. "It would surely kill me."

"Normally, it would be my advice for you to confess but as your friend…I am torn," he said and looked down at his hands.

"Sadly, I came to you not only because of your status as a brother of the Chantry but as my dear friend as well, Sebastian," I said and leaned back against the wall.

"I don't know what to tell you, Seelia. As a Chantry brother, in matters of the heart, I don't know if I am the best person you should be asking," he admitted.

"I'm sorry that I keep bringing you my problems. Sometimes I think you would have been better off if we had never met," I said as I looked at him sadly.

"You've always helped me when no one else would. I do not know if things could have turned out differently but I will never say that I have ever regretted you coming into my life," he said and I smiled.

"Well at least I'm not boring," I said, shrugging slightly as I poked fun at myself.

"I doubt anyone would ever call you such," he said. "There are many things to admire about you. I only hope that you know you can always count on me to help you."

"Thank you, Sebastian."

We sat for a little bit longer, enjoying the quiet and warmth of the small room. I knew that I should return home but could not seem to command my legs to move just yet. I was still torn as to what might be waiting for me when I returned.

I moved away from the wall and quickly got to my feet when Sebastian reached out and grabbed my arm once more and I looked down at him.

"I don't think you should tell him," he said, looking at his hand instead of looking at my face. I looked away from him.

"How can I keep this from him?" I asked. "He deserves to know."

"How will you explain that you might not have been in complete control?" he asked. "The peace between Anders and Fenris has only lasted because of you and I fear Fenris will finally seek to make good on his threats on Anders life. You fear losing one man…but what about losing them both?"

"What do you suggest I do, Sebastian?" I asked and looked down at him once more.

"Speak to Anders. From what you have said, there must be an explanation and unfortunately only he is the one who can give it to you. And perhaps figure out what can be done to put a stop to it," he said, looking at me finally. "If you need someone to be with you, I will go but do it soon."

"I will try," I said softly as he finally got on his feet.

"I promised I would walk you back personally and Fenris will hold me to that, Seelia. He would never forgive me if I allowed any harm to come to you," he explained. "Give me a moment to get my armor," he said and walked away quickly.

I stood before the fire place, thinking of his strange advice, finding it hard to believe that those words had come from him. He could see that the truth would cost me the two men I cared most for and I was selfish in not wanting to lose either of them.

_Could I be so deceitful? _I asked myself.

If it meant keeping either of them in my life, perhaps I could. But could I live with myself, knowing the truth? Time could only tell.


	29. Chapter 29

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. Please read and leave a review. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**More artwork that inspired this chapter is called Embrace by dragonheart at DeviantArt.**_

_**TWENTY-NINE**_

I thought about what I would say to Fenris, calling myself a coward for agreeing with Sebastian that for now, I should remain quiet about what I had learned. As much as I dreaded going to see Anders, I knew that I could not put it off any longer and wondered if I could handle it on my own. It had been hard enough talking about it with Sebastian, with not wanting to fully disclose every memory I had. Were it not something I would be ashamed of, I imagine it would cause Isabela to sit back and applause.

I stood outside the door to my home, waiting for someone to let me in, wondering once again why I could never remember to bring the key myself. I waited outside with Sebastian, inhaling the wonderful scent you only get after a good rain. Finally the door opened and I bid Sebastian a good evening, returning his formal bow and went inside. I wondered where Fenris was; almost hoping that he might be in bed already.

"I'm sorry to wake you, Bodahn. I really should remember to carry the blasted key myself…" I said as he waved what I was saying away.

"Do not worry yourself, I can't sleep as much as I used to," he said and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Get yourself to bed, Bodahn," I said, smiling as he wandered away. I placed my sword on the rack that Fenris had placed in the entrance for our use and I hung my cloak to dry, thankful that it was not as soaked as it had been earlier. I walked softly into the main hall and was about to pass the library on my way up the stairs when I caught sight of Fenris standing in front of the fireplace. I paused in the doorway, watching his thin frame as he stared at the fire intently before going in and walking towards him.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked without turning to me. I could see that his shoulders were tense, as if he was waiting for something else to go horribly wrong and I knew then that I would not say anything of what I spoke of with Sebastian.

"I'm feeling much better now, thank you," I said, waiting for him to look at me but when he continued to stare at the fire, I went to him and put my hand gently on his back. I could feel his shuddered breath and leaned in closer to him, slowly wrapping my arms around him.

Finally he turned to me and I saw the sadness in his eyes. "Why won't you talk to me, Seelia?" he asked, putting his hand gently on my face. I leaned my hand against his palm and closed my eyes.

"Because I fear you must hate me. Hate that my recklessness has cost us something so precious," I said, feeling the tears start once again. "I could never hate you," he said softly, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks with his thumb.

"How can you not? I hate me!" I told him. "It was my anger, my rage that caused me to be so reckless!"

"I should have been here with you, not out checking on the mines while you stayed here getting restless. I blame myself for allowing my hatred for the mage to consume me, hating how you would always go back to him, help him…" he said and hung his head.

"How can you blame yourself? I was the one who went without my sword or armor. It was I who acted impulsively. I should have known that Mother Petrice had set that trap for Saemus…I should have saved him, Fenris! Maybe if he had survived then Kirkwall would not be so desperate for a new Viscount," I said. "Can't you see? Everything is my fault! These people all call me their Champion but if I had only…"

"What's done is done, Seelia. Words cannot bring Saemus or the Viscount back," he said, taking me into his arms as I was starting to shake. "You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in this city. Kirkwall was far from perfect before you got here and now it is safer only because people only need to hear the name Hawke and either surrender or taste the end of your blade. I have never met a warrior that is your equal."

"What if I have destroyed our one chance of having a family?" I asked him, looking at his face in desperation.

"We don't know that for certain, my love," he said and I leaned closer to his chest, grabbing handfuls of his tunic shirt as I cried. He easily carried me in his arms, walking out of the library and up the stairs to our bedroom. This was the second time tonight that I had cried so much that I felt I did not have the strength to make it up the stairs unassisted. He gently out me down on the bed and started helping me remove the light armor I wore. I knew that most likely the leather was ruined but I was so spent that I made no move to hang it properly. When I was free from the armor he helped me remove my still damp padded tunic and leggings, draping they near the fire for them to dry.

"Will we ever be alright?" I asked him as got on the other side of the bed.

"What we need is time, my love," he said and pulled me down to lie of his chest.

"I hope we can still try. I would truly love to see if our child has your eyes or mine," I said, making myself as comfortably close to him as I could.

"With you hair and your smile, I hope," he said.

"Will you ever explain your lyrium to him?" I asked.

"Him? You're hoping for a boy?" he asked as I yawned. He tucked my arm under his chin, pulling me close and I hugged him.

"It's a good start," I said sleepily. I felt him deep chuckle in his chest as he kissed my head.

"Then we shall have many boys, my love. Just wait and see," he whispered as I finally closed my eyes.


	30. Chapter 30

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THIRTY**_

"Hawke! You're back rather quickly! I thought it would take you much longer to return from the Wounded Coast," Isabela said as both Fenris and I fairly threw ourselves into Varric's plush chairs in his suite at the Hanger Man. "How unexpected."

"Pay up, Rivainie, and don't try to weasel your way out by promising you'll pay up later at a game of Wicked Grace!" Varric called from the other side of the room. I could see that he was talking to a man I had often seen in Darktown but could not hear what they were talking about. I looked at Isabela and shook my head as she winked at me.

"Isabela is there nothing you won't bet on?" I asked and laughed at her.

"Nothing so far. I even had a bet on the color of Fenris' smallclothes," she said and I turned to him and he quickly looked away from me. "I don't suppose you want to help a poor girl out and just tell me, would you?" she asked with a slight pout to her lips.

"Isabela if you ever guessed that correctly it's because you either cheated or because he lost more money to you than he is willing to admit, in which case you better hope I do not have my sword with me!" I said and laughed, seeing that while he still had his face turned away, he was struggling not to smile. I leaned over to him to kiss his cheek and he turned and pulled me closer for a proper kiss.

I sat back and smiled at Isabela. "Oh, you two should just get a room already!" she said and sat back. I got up and walked over to her side of the table and squeezed in next to her, putting my arm around her to look at Fenris mischievously.

"What exactly is it about my husband that intrigues you so much, Isabela?" I asked her and he looked at us with a surprised look on his face.

"I suppose it's the fact that he's inaccessible to me anymore," she said and looked at him closely.

"Yes, you can be assured of that. You may look but never touch!" I said. "Hmm. What else?" I asked her and she finally got my intentions, sitting back and leaning her head against mine.

"Well, I think maybe it's his eyes that draw me to him. He has such pretty eyes for a man," she said. "Such a wonderful shade of green."

"I agree, he does have such beautiful eyes," I said and took her hand.

"And they're so expressive! You can always tell what he's feeling just by looking into his eyes," she said and glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes. "I bet he looks at you with such passion, Hawke," she said and shivered.

"He does, Isabela. It amazes me when he looks at me that way. I feel as if I will melt every single time," I told her. I could see that he was blushing furiously and squeezed her hand to continue.

"And his mouth holds such promise. I bet his lips are strong and demanding. You can tell a lot from a man by the way he kisses you and from what I've seen, he must do it quite well since you're still flushed!" she said and touched my cheek.

"I haven't kissed as many men as you have, Isabela but I'll bet none have made you feel the way I do when I kiss my husband. He makes my knees weak," I confessed and she smiled at me.

"Then he definitely knows what he's doing. Now, I'm officially jealous of you. I must admit from watching you just now, I regret I never stole a kiss from him long before," she said.

"I'm glad you never got the chance, Isabela, or I would have to hate you forever," I joked, watching as he got up and quickly came around the table to us and took me by the hand. I moved my arm from around Isabela as he pulled me up off the chair and I followed him outside the suite. I could hear Isabela's laughter as he pressed me up against the door and kissed me. I could feel the heat from his face and I whimpered into his mouth. I pulled away to catch my breath and noticed that one of the serving girls was coming up the stairs with Orana in tow.

I hid behind him as my face was still very flushed and heard as she approached. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Master, but an urgent letter just arrived and Bodahn asked that I deliver it to you."

"Orana, I've asked you not to call me Master," he told her and I heard him sigh. I moved out from behind him as she seemed to shrink a little and I held out a hand to her.

"I…I'm sorry! I forget that you do not like to be called that. Please don't be angry with me," she cried.

"He's not angry with you, Orana. This isn't Tevinter and we're not your masters," I reminded her and she looked up at him shyly. I knew that it made him uncomfortable for her to think that but it was hard to break her of something she had lived with for so long. She gave me the letter that Bodahn asked her to deliver and curtsied to us before leaving.

"I'm surprised she even knows that the Hanged Man even existed and that she would be so comfortable coming here herself," Fenris commented as we walked back inside.

"I've been taking her with me around the city, helping her get to know the different places so she doesn't feel so lost now," I informed him. "I've also walked with her through Darktown so she knows how to get around the tunnels if something should happen. I've even taught her a little on how to defend herself with a dagger."

"I'm glad you've done so much for her. She wouldn't have lasted very long here in Kirkwall on her own," he said as we sat down once again.

The letter was plain and gave no information on who had sent it. "Isabela, may I borrow one of your daggers?" I asked and she smiled while reaching into her bodice and handing me a small knife. I shook my head as I used it and handed it back to her, opening the letter and reading it quickly. I moved forward and reread the letter, uncertain if it was genuine or some sort of prank from Varric.

"Well, Hawke, don't keep us in suspense! Who sent you the fancy letter?" he asked as I was rereading it a second time.

"Apparently I'm being summoned to a meeting at the Keep," I said, looking at Varric to judge his reaction. "See this is why I meant about unwanted titles!" I said when I noticed that Aveline had walked into the suite.

"Maker! Why do you even have a home in Hightown if you're just going to spend all your time here at the Hanged Man?" she asked as she stopped beside my chair and Varric protested her comment. "I mean no disrespect towards your home, Varric but it would have saved me a trip to just come here instead."

"Is there something you need me for, Aveline?" I asked and put the letter down on the table.

"I need you to come back with me to the Keep. We have an unexpected visitor and he wishes to speak with you personally," she said and I sighed. "I do not want to leave him in the presence of Meredith longer than I need to, Hawke."

"I cannot understand why I'm being requested personally, Aveline," I said and got to my feet.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with being the Champion of Kirkwall and a former refugee from Ferelden," she replied sarcastically.

"Maker's breath, Hawke! Since when do you know the King of Ferelden?" Varric asked, having snatched the letter from off the table while I was facing Aveline. Isabela grabbed the letter out of his hands and read it quickly.

"Don't think you're going to meet him without me!" she said, stuffing the letter in her bodice.

"No, no way! I will not have you coming with us!" Aveline started to say and Isabela smiled.

"Relax, Guard-Captain, he and I are old friends. I met him before I left Ferelden," she said in a tone of voice that I knew well.

"Are you actually saying you _knew_ the King of Ferelden, Isabela?" I asked and she stood up straighter, flipping her hair off her shoulder.

"I don't know it I should be impressed or disgusted with the man," I heard Varric mumble.

"Fenris, would you like to come with me to meet the King of Ferelden?" I asked, seeing that he had remained quiet all this time.

"Are you sure?" Isabela asked, looking at me. "The man is a dream and from what I hear, single."

"And why should she not bring me, Isabela?" he demanded in an annoyed tone.

"No offense but I would divorce you for him," she answered.

"Well then it's a good thing I married her instead of you!" he said heatedly, getting out of his chair and I held his arm to keep him from striking out at her, though she deserved it. I looked at him and kissed his cheek, pulling him away from the table and glaring at Isabela.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Aveline complained when I did not stop Isabela from following me.

"Are you telling me you're not even a little bit curious?" Varric asked her.

"He's my King, Varric. I'd like to be able to respect him, so no, I don't want any details," she said and walked after us as he laughed.


	31. Chapter 31

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**This chapter loosely references a possible Anders backstory on a BioWare site that I read long ago that I found fascinating. I wanted something that both mages could have in common. Also a pic that helped inspire this chapter is called Never Yours by mistiqarts at DeviantArt.**_

_**THIRTY-ONE**_

I would be lying if I said I wasn't even a little bit curious about the handsome new King of my former homeland. We walked in just as Meredith was being her usual charming self and I had to struggle to keep a smile off my face. I recalled all the times that Carver got into trouble with one of the Chantry sisters for one reason of another when he was younger. When she finished her little tirade, she looked surprised that we had witnessed her poor treatment of a King, brusquely nodding in my direction as she walked out.

I smiled as he introduced himself, seeing that he seemed as uncomfortable with his new title as I was though I would have been fairly certain that mine couldn't possibly have brought me to the attention of those from my home capital. I could see that while he was still rather young, he had an easy manner and should eventually grow into a great King. The man beside him was Bann Teagan and I could see that he relied on him in all matters. I began to wonder about the man who had spent so much time with my cousin, Siobhan Amell, now known as the Hero of Ferelden. I had so many questions that I wished to ask him!

I almost opened my mouth to inquire about her when Aveline reminded me of my manners, bowing before him and greeting him formally, announcing that she had once served King Cailan at Ostagar and I followed suit.

"You were also at Ostagar?" he asked me, motioning for us to rise.

"My younger brother and I had been part of the King's army at the Keep, your majesty," I said. "We barely made it out alive and we fought our way back to Lothering to rescue our mother and sister not long before the darkspawn attacked and destroyed our home." I told him.

"We also passed through Lothering after we were rescued from Ostagar. I knew that the village was in the path of the advancing darkspawn and there was little we could do about it. We advised the Templars to start an evacuation but I fear that many people refused to leave their homes," he said sadly.

"Yes, it was on your advice that my family had prepared to escape the village before we returned," I said. "Oh how very rude of me! Your majesty, this is my husband, Fenris," I said, turning to my silent partner who bowed to him. I could see that he was intrigued that I had married an elf as I put my arm around his waist. "And Isabela has assured us that she had the pleasure of your acquaintance before she came to Kirkwall," I said and smirked as he blushed slightly.

"Yes, that seemed like a lifetime ago," he admitted as she smiled suggestively at him.

"So, you're the King now? And here I was impressed when you were merely a Grey Warden," she said and laughed. I could hear Aveline move closer to Isabela and wanted to avoid a possible fight between the two women.

"If you don't mind my asking, why call for me specifically?" I asked him.

"Believe it or not, the stories about you have made their way to Denerim, especially since there is no longer a Viscount here in Kirkwall," he said.

"I hardly see how that compares to slaying an Archdemon," I said, feeling uncomfortable on the direction the conversation was heading.

"Well, to be honest, things in Orlais are a little unstable at the moment and this city needs a stable hand to keep the peace," he admitted, briefly glancing at the Bann. I already knew where this conversation was going and dreaded having it once again.

"I don't know if that's the best way to describe me," I joked and could hear Aveline sigh. "And I imagine that even with your support, I very much doubt I would receive the Knight-Commanders. As you saw earlier, she is not overly impressed by my defeat of the Arishok."

"If you don't mind my asking, why would she not support you? I have heard that as Champion you have the support of a majority of the nobles in Kirkwall," he asked.

"Which only places more attention on me than she would like and to put it simply: my younger sister is a mage here in the Gallows. As you may have noticed, Meredith sees mages as the biggest threat to Thedas, perhaps more so than even the darkspawn. I have never hidden the fact that I openly support the mages rights, your majesty, and she feels that I would be influenced by my connection to the tower," I answered truthfully. I waited as the Bann whispered something to him before continuing.

"And besides, she commands more men that the former Viscounts private guards and the city-guard put together, all who have this deep seated distrust of mages." I said. "If she were to take those men and wage her own private war against Kirkwall, I honestly believe there is little that I could do to stop her. Lately there had been a few of the newer recruits that are not as devoted as she is and have even quietly questioned if she should be replaced. Needless to say not many of those recruits are ever allowed to become full Templar Knights with having voiced such doubts, so now they all remain quiet. So I am doing what I can to keep the peace, trying to keep Meredith and First Enchanter Orsino from starting a war out in the streets."

"I suppose that is all I could hope for. If Meredith is too blind to see that what Kirkwall really needs is someone who rules with the needs of the people before her own "personal crusade," as you called it, then the city needs you more than ever," he said and sighed. "I had hoped to persuade you to one day return to Ferelden…"

"It was always my intention to one day return to my home but only if I could get my sister transferred to the tower there. From Meredith's outburst earlier, I very much doubt she would consider it," I said sadly.

"Well! It seems I have worn out my welcome, Champion. I believe Meredith has already seen to it that I have Templar guards see me off, the sooner the better," he said.

"Aveline, I think it's best if you sent some of your most trusted guards as well," I advised her and she hurried away. "While I'm certain Meredith would not openly move against you, it would put my mind at ease with the extra protection, your majesty," I said and bowed my head to him.

"A wise choice, Champion," said the Bann.

"I wonder if it's possible to speak to you briefly in private," I asked, seeing that I would soon lose the chance to ask about Siobhan. "I'm not sure if you're aware that the Hero of Ferelden is also my cousin. Amell was my mother's maiden name," I informed him and we moved away from the others.

"I suppose I should not be surprised to hear that Siobhan was your cousin. The Amell's seem destined for greatness," he joked.

"Siobhan was in the circle when my family moved to Ferelden so I never had the opportunity to actually meet her. We wrote to each other often as we were growing up and I was hoping you can tell me if it's possible to get in contact with her?" I asked him. "Is she still with the Wardens?"

He cleared his throat before looking at me, looking a little uncomfortable before replying. "Your cousin left the Wardens after Amaranthine was almost destroyed by darkspawn. Thankfully she had spent time restoring Vigil's Keep so she focused herself and a few of her Wardens on evacuating as much of the city as possible. Without her much of its citizens would not have survived."

"I don't understand. Why would she leave the Wardens after almost losing one city?" I asked, confused.

"It's not the loss that caused to leave but what came after," he said and moved closer to me. "Your cousin became close to her new Warden recruits, especially one in particular since they had been in the same tower. She had never known him before since he spent more time escaping the tower than any mage but she had heard stories of him. Templars had captured him a final time and were returning him to the tower, most likely to be made Tranquil, when the Keep had been attacked. To save his life, she made him a Warden."

"You're speaking of Anders," I said and he looked at me.

"Yes, I believe that was his name. I only met him briefly after the attack when I received complaints that she conscripted him into the Wardens," he said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I suppose the Templars did not like that she took him away from them," I said tersely.

"Not at all. Suspiciously, an ex-Templar Knight Rolan joined the Wardens soon after and it was later discovered he had only done so keep an eye on Anders and the new Warden Commander," he said and I placed my hand on his arm.

"Wait, I know that name! Siobhan once wrote that a Templar in the tower had been forcing himself on some of the apprentices," I said and could see his eyes take on a hard look.

"Did he…"

"No, he never got a chance. She told me another Templar stepped in and Rolan was dishonorably discharged from the order," I said and saw the immediate relief in his eyes. "I don't understand why he would represent himself as an ex-Templar."

"Most likely someone would have covered up his crimes if he could find reason to remove any mages from the Wardens," he said wearily. "It was reported that Anders allowed himself to become possessed by a spirit and Rolan was instructed to arrest him. Siobhan would not allow him to take him, which resulted in the death of the ex-Templar. This happened around the time of the battle in Amaranthine and it could not be said with any certainty that either of them caused his death. Siobhan left the Wardens shortly after and returned to help rebuild the circle tower," he said. "But if you've heard of this mage Anders, then I can only guess he was once here in Kirkwall. I do not know why your cousin would risk her life to save this man, but I would caution you against him."

"Thank you for your concerns, your majesty, but whatever he has done in Ferelden, he has done nothing but try to repent ever since. Ask any of the stranded refugees in the Kirkwall and they will defend him," I said, turning as a few Templars had entered the room and were waiting on him. I could see him narrow his eyes when he recognized Cullen.

"I see you also knew Knight Captain Cullen from the tower," I commented.

"Yes, he had made strong suggestions that the mages all be made Tranquil," he said and looked at me. "And now he's a Knight-Captain? He and Meredith must have much in common."

"Not as much as you would think. He's kept my sister safe from those who would cause her trouble simply for having the name Hawke. Bethany has spoken very highly of him," I said. "From your expression I see you find what I say doubtful but I've spoken to him and he regrets his poor choice of words to my cousin."

"It is still does not excuse it."

"As much as we try we cannot choose who we fall in love with, your majesty," I said.

"I guess it was too much to hope for that you would just call me Alistair?" he asked and grinned.

"I think the Bann would consider it very forward of me to do so but if you insist, I can oblige you as long as you do not call me Champion!" I laughed.

"We're both trapped under titles we did not wish for, it seems," he admitted. "Siobhan convinced me that there needed to be changes made in Ferelden. I only wish that she had chosen to remain with me to help me make them," he said and glanced back at our group. "I envy you."

"And why is that, if I may ask?"

"For not allowing others to dictate who was an appropriate match for you. I see the way he looks at you. He loves you very much." he said and sighed. "Take my advice, if the nobles try to get you to change that then I suggest it's time to liberate your sister and move back to Ferelden!" he said and I smiled.

"I'm glad you approve. My mother married an apostate mage and they ran away to Ferelden to be together. I could only be with a man that I loved, not some noble who wished only to advance himself," I said and he cringed.

"Teagan had heard rumors of your marriage and had suggested as much. I think your husband would probably kill us both if he suggested it!" he laughed, blushing slightly.

"The Bann would be faced with both our swords for suggesting it," I said and smiled at Fenris. "And I'm afraid curiosity has gotten the better of me," I looked back at Isabela and he blushed once again.

"Let's just say your cousin gives bad advice when it comes to playing Wicked Grace and leave it at that."


	32. Chapter 32

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Art that inspired this chapter is called The Forbidden Apple by Aimo at DeviantArt.**_

_**THIRTY-TWO**_

We watched as Alistair and Teagan were surrounded by Templars and city guardsmen as they prepared to leave the Keep. I nodded to Aveline and Donnic who personally accompanied them along with Cullen and his team of Templars. I watched as they briefly glared at each other and saw Cullen's face lose its stern look and Alistair's look of disbelief when he apologized. Isabela and I walked arm in arm out of the Keep, as Fenris had decided to follow the group to the dock as added support. We spotted Sebastian on the Chantry steps and I heard Isabela give a small sigh as we went inside my home.

"I'm going to hope that was not meant for Sebastian," I told her.

"And what if it was?" She threw herself in the chair in front of the fireplace, pouting at me.

"Isabela, Sebastian is even more inaccessible to you as Fenris is and you know it. I suggest you stop trying to convince him to give up his vows," I said and sat down next to her.

"It's just not fair, Hawke. There's just something about him that makes me want to be a better person," she admitted.

"I don't see how that involves throwing yourself at him every time you're drunk, Isabela," I said and put my arm around her.

"I can't help it. I don't know if it's the way he carries himself or something else that causes my body to want to be near him," she said and shivered.

"His vows do not allow him to be intimate and his devotion to the Maker is unshakable," I said.

"I'd risk it," she joked.

"I wish you wouldn't. I don't want to see you hurt, Isabela."

Try as I might, Isabela would not speak of her time with Alistair, only commenting that may or may not have involved a large amount of liquor. We laughed at how well he handled Meredith, picturing how it might have come across if he had lost his temper and ran her through, which is something I had pictured doing more and more as time went by.

Not long after Fenris returned and Isabela took her leave. I looked at him approach me and knew that he had something on his mind.

"Is something wrong?"

"Why have you not sought the Viscount's seat?" he asked.

"Do you honestly see me staying at the Keep all day, handling the affairs of the city without ever getting a chance to venture out with you or anyone else?" I answered cautiously.

"And there is no other reason other than your lack of freedom?"

"Does there need to be? Fenris I can do more for this city where I am that sitting in that office!"

"Then your decision has nothing to do with me?" he asked softly and I sighed.

"You yourself commented once how the people of this city would react to our marriage but I have made my choice, Fenris, and I will not be told that it was wrong solely because you are an elf!" I said and walked to him to wrap my arms around him. "I will not put aside my husband for a boring, stuffy noble. Being Viscount would mean I would have to put aside my happiness and that I will not do, even for Kirkwall." I leaned forward and kissed him lightly.

"Not even for your King?" he asked.

"Not even for him," I said and smiled. "He envies us. He admitted that he had allowed himself to be swayed by the nobles on who a suitable match would be. I get the impression that he had been in love with my cousin but her being a mage makes her unsuitable for him to marry."

"I overheard his companion Teagan ask Aveline if I were truly your husband," he said and kissed my neck.

"He was under the impression I could be swayed to accept Alistair's proposal…" I said and he growled into my neck.

"So it's Alistair now? And not the Bann who was asking for your hand?" he asked in his low voice and I smiled, kissing his forehead.

"He asked me to call him by his name instead," I admitted. "I asked him to not call me Champion in return."

"And what did this _Alistair_ have to say about his proposal?" he asked, nipping at my neck and causing my pulse to race.

"I told him the Bann would facing two very large swords for even making the suggestion," I said and chuckled, grabbing a handful of his hair as he gave a low chuckle. "And besides, I wasn't lying to Isabela about what I said about her wanting a kiss from you. I would have hated her even more knowing she had slept with you!" I said and he stayed quiet. I looked down at his face and he smiled. "You are a horrible man! Now I'll never get the image of you two…" I said before he kissed me.

"Why is it you both can never do private things in your bedroom like any normal couple would?" a voice said from the doorway.

"Be glad you stopped us or we would be doing more soon after," Fenris growled his displeasure.

I looked over his shoulder at Anders who had his face adverted from us and sighed. I whispered to Fenris to wait for me upstairs and waited for him to go before I turned back to the mage.

"Is there something you need, Anders?" I asked, crossing my arms across my abdomen.

"Varric said that you had a meeting with King Alistair," he said. "Is that true?"

"Yes, he was at the Keep and wished to see me," was all I said, moving to the chairs in front of the fireplace and sat down.

"Why would the King be here in Kirkwall?" he asked, joining me.

"I suppose to convince me to take the Viscount's seat, which I told him I had no way of getting without Meredith's support which I clearly do not have." I said.

"I understand why you would not consider it," he said and looked at the rug. "I hope you know that."

"I asked him about Siobhan."

"I hope she is doing well," he said.

"He said she's no longer with the Wardens."

"Wait, why…" he looked up at me finally.

"When she let you escape capture," I said flatly. "He said she would not allow them to take you and stepped down shortly afterwards. Siobhan has since returned back the circle tower to help rebuild it."

"After she defeated the Archdemon she asked that the tower be given a chance to rule itself. Did Alistair go back on his word?" he asked.

"From the hostile conversation I walked in on between him and Meredith, my guess would be no. The tower will always remain the best place for a mage to learn how to control their powers. I'd like to think now it's safer from people like Rolan," I said and waited for him to react.

"Rolan was a bastard. He never came near me but the things he did to some of the mages…" he said and looked into the fire instead.

"Siobhan once wrote to me that he would rape a few of the apprentices, the ones he deemed troublesome, to break them of their spirit."

He stayed quiet before saying anything. "It didn't matter if you were a man or a woman to Rolan, as long it humiliated you. And worse if it were known that you cared about the person," he said softly. "He's the reason why I escaped so many times. I healed the countless young apprentices whom he abused, and many took their own lives than live with the shame of it."

"Siobhan said he tried to force himself on her once and Cullen intervened. He stepped forward and gave testimony against Rolan. From then on he became her shadow at the tower," I said and he looked at me.

"I didn't know."

"I know. And now that you do you understand why he took such an interest in Bethany. Not because he had feelings for her but because he still loves Siobhan," I said. "She must have cared for you to let you go, Anders. Please do not let her sacrifice be in vain."

"She was the only one who understood why I agreed to help Justice, having come out of the tower herself. I had hoped they could be convinced I had died at the Keep but I knew that would be too easy."

"It's been a long day, Anders. I'm sure you can let yourself out," I said and got up. He stayed quiet as I passed his chair and headed up the stairs to my bedroom, leaving him to his thoughts.


	33. Chapter 33

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THIRTY-THREE**_

I was beginning to give King Alistair's suggestion more and more consideration as the days went by. A day did not pass without someone needing my help in some matter and I gladly helped, knowing that this is why I stayed in Kirkwall. But as the days passed I could see that with the way Meredith was running the city, it would only be a matter of time before things went horribly wrong.

It had been some time since I had actual free time to just visit a friend and decided to take a stroll to the Alienage to visit Merrill. I was at her door when I heard a scream and a loud crash and I rushed inside to see what had happened. I found Anders holding one of the few pieces of sturdy furniture, standing in front of the shattered remains of the Eluvian that Merrill had secretly brought back with her from Sundermount. She was on her hands and knees, pulling the shards towards her and crying. I ran to her as he strode past me and I could see that he had lost his temper and Justice had taken over.

"Anders, what have you done?"

"Because of her the Keeper is dead! All to fix that damnable mirror she tainted herself in blood mage to restore!" he yelled. "I tried to get her to see reason but her blindness in this has caused the death of one of the last great Keepers for the Dalish!" He threw down the chair and started to walk away.

I turned to Merrill and stooped to help her. As I picked up a piece of glass she suddenly turned and yanked it from my grasp, causing me to cry out as it had cut my hand deeply and was bleeding profusely. Anders had stopped and I could almost visibly see Justice fading from his eyes as he sighed and turned back to us as Merrill was searching for a clean rag to bind my wound.

"Don't touch her! I will not have you using her blood to help you in this anymore," he told her, kneeling beside me and looking at the cut. He took out a flask of water to clean it, making sure that there were no shards left inside before healing it. I looked into his eyes but he was determined to avoid mine and he abruptly stood and left before I had a chance to speak with him. I looked at Merrill and followed him outside.

"Anders, STOP!" I yelled at him, ignoring the stares of the elves that stood around the vhenadahl, the impressive tree that the city elves cared for. I marched up to him and stood in front of him, glaring as he continued to avoid my eyes. "Is this how you treat your friends, by destroying everything that they valve?" I demanded.

"You weren't there, Seelia. If she had only heeded my warnings, listened as I tried to turn her away from using blood magic then…" I interrupted him before he could continue, knowing how the Alienage would react once they find out about Keeper Marethari's death.

"Just as you have listened to any of our pleas to stop this insane crusade you're set on? If I had not stopped you, you would have killed that mage, the one you were sworn to protect! How can you rightly pass judgment on others when you yourself cannot be trusted not to lose control of Justice! Merrill has done nothing but help you, Anders, as I have, and now she is on the floor picking up the last thing that she thought would help her people be who they once were. It might have worked or it might not have, you should have given her the chance to make that choice, not so blindly make it for her!" I tried hard not to let the tears in my eyes fall but I was just so angry at him that I could not stop myself from slapping him. "What has happened to you? You're no longer the man I once loved," I said and walked back towards Merrill's door. I glanced back at him as I opened the door, seeing him standing there pressing his hand to his cheek before walking away.

I went inside to find her lying in a heap before the broken mirror.

"Merrill I think you need to tell me what happened."

She sat up and looked at me, wiping her tears and swearing blood on her face. I kneeled beside her and took the rag she still had in her hand and dabbed at the cuts on her hands.

"I asked Anders to go with me, back to Sundermount. The Arulin'holm should have been all I needed to fix it but something was still missing. I tried to ask the spirit that had helped me but it would not answer," she said, watching as I took elfroot out of my pack and bound her hand.

"Why didn't you wait for me? I would have gone with you."

"I couldn't ask you to do any more than you're already doing. I see that you're running yourself ragged, helping others in the city that need you more. I thought it wouldn't be so hard to just find out. I knew that Anders did not approve and he would be willing enough to stop me if anything happened," she said, looking away from me.

"Willing enough? Merrill, was there a chance you thought this spirit might try to possess you?" I asked, grabbing her chin and making her look at me.

"Anders has been trying to get me to see that not all spirits are helpful so I was concerned," she said. "I waited until you left to the Bone Pit with Fenris, Varric and Sebastian. Anders hired the Qunari mercenary Maraas from the Hanged Man and we set off for Sundermount."

"You've used him before, haven't you? I've seen you approach him a few other times. I wasn't sure what to make of it then but at least you had a strong fighting hand to look out for you," I said, sitting back on my heels.

"Yes, he doesn't like mages but without a role in the Qun, he takes whatever jobs people offer him. I almost feel sorry for him," she said and winced, opening and closing her hand.

"I imagine things didn't go well."

"No, they didn't. The Keeper knew that I would be back and she bound the spirit to her, knowing that it's only purpose in teaching me how to fix the mirror was so that it could escape its prison once more," she said and looked away.

"You were forced to kill her, weren't you?" I shook my head sadly as tears fell from her eyes once more. "Know that she did it to protect you, Merrill, and she must have loved you very much to make that sacrifice."

"I had hoped…"she started to say and turned away from me again.

"What?"

"It was silly of me, I know that now. I thought that when he continued to ask me to help him, that he might not hate me anyone. I just didn't expect…" she said and it dawned on me.

"You loved him?" I asked and she sheepishly looked at me.

"I was a fool to think that I was, or that he would ever see me that way. I was even a little jealous of you, the way he still looks at you," she said and looked at me.

"Don't be, Merrill. He broke my heart too," I said and hugged her. "Now let's clean this up. I think it's high time everyone gathered at the Hanged Man later tonight. I feel that with all this confusion, things have been slipping by that I haven't noticed and it's time everyone came clean." I looked at the bloody shards, wondering how we would safely dispose of them when I heard a small sound coming from underneath the bed. My eyes widened as a familiar kitten wandered towards us, stopping between us and rubbing against my leg.

"Why is Remi here?" I asked, petting him.

"Anders has been away from the clinic lately again. He drops him off so he doesn't have to worry about him," she said and picked the kitten up so it could drape himself on her shoulder. "I'm surprised he forgot to get him."

I watched the two interact, seeing how close they were and wondered how often Anders felt the need to leave the kitten here with Merrill as I carefully gathered more shards. I decided that it was something I could no longer put off asking.


	34. Chapter 34

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Artwork that inspired this chapter is simply called Fenris and Hawke by Aimo.**_

_**THIRTY-FOUR**_

I sent a messenger to the Keep to arrange to meet Aveline later at the Hanged Man. I was still a little troubled over what had happened here before I arrived and was thankful that I could stop Anders…no, _Justice_, from doing more harm than he already had. I stayed with Merrill to help her clean up the shards, making her some tea to try to cheer her up while listening to stories of the Dalish from the book I found in Antiva. I stayed until the haunted look faded from her eyes, hoping that with time she would forget the foolish thoughts of loving a man who could not accept love. I smiled as I watched her play with Remi while I draped a sheet over what was left of the mirror, smiling as he ran after the ball of twine that Varric had given her long ago, now spent after crying so much earlier. She yawned and promised to meet us later that night, needing to rest a bit, so I left her lying on her bed with the kitten cuddled next to her. I made sure she was covered before leaving, hoping that she found some measure of peace in her dreams at least.

As I was leaving the alienage I caught sight of Orana. She was going into Arianni's home and I smiled that the two women seemed to be on good terms. I had been worried that she would not find others who could help her adjust to living in a new city and was glad that they had found each other. I wandered through Lowtown, chatting with vendors and leaving items and donations with Lirene as I normally do at least once a week. There were still so many refugees that needed help in Kirkwall and as hard as I try, it just didn't seem to ever be enough but I gave almost all the coin I had carried that day and left with only a few pieces of silver. I stopped for some flowers on my way back to Hightown to see if any new messages had come in while I was away and to rest a bit before the gathering that night. I tried hard not to think about everything that had happened this afternoon, deciding I needed something a little stronger than tea to help me relax.

I sat in front of the fireplace in the library with a glass of wine, one that Bodahn had recently purchased and was one that Fenris favored. I was reading one the many books I had acquired over the years when loose pages fell out. At first I thought the binding had come undone until I recognized the handwriting. I put down my glass and got up to toss the pages into the fire, watching them briefly as they quickly burned, knowing that it was only one of several dozen penned over the years.

"I see you're finally putting those where they belong," said Fenris from the doorway as I sat back down and picked up the book I had been reading.

"Maybe I just didn't like that part of the book," I said and smiled as he walked closer to my chair, glancing at the book I held in my hands.

"I very much doubt that. It's one of your favorites," he said reaching over to pick up my half empty glass to take a sip. I put the book down on my lap and looked up him as he finished the wine, looking pleased at the bottle I had opened. "How was your day?" he asked and I pointed to the half empty bottle of wine.

"Could have been better but I don't want to discuss that until later tonight," I said and sighed, looking at my now empty glass. "You know, we do have other glasses you can use, Fenris," I said, as he poured himself more of the wine. I watched as he drank more of the wine before putting it down on a table by my chair.

"That we do, but I wanted this one," he said, putting his hands on the arm rest and leaning in close to me. I could smell the wine still on his lips as I leaned forward and kissed him.

"Hmm, I guess we can share this one," I said, watching him drink a little more before kissing me again. I leaned closer to him and the book fell to the floor. "Remind me to have Bodahn buy many more bottles of this wine," I said in between kissing him. I had to admit that I was enjoying his wine flavored kisses, grabbing his collar to pull him closer.

"There's still a few more that we haven't tried," he said, filling the glass again, showing me the now empty bottle. Bodahn knew some reputable wine merchants and was able to recommend the latest additions to our wine cellar.

"I'm more than sure that Orana found some fresh berries in the market earlier today, and maybe even some Orlesian sweets I think you might like," I said, recalling her recent trip to the market with Bodahn, Sandal and Jasper.

"It seems we may actually have the house to ourselves for a few hours," he said, standing up and holding out his hand to me. "And there do not seem to be any impending disasters that require our immediate attention. How about we take that book of yours with us upstairs?"

"Seems a shame to waste a moment of such a fine afternoon," I laughed, retrieving my fallen book before getting up with his help. "Which would you prefer, the berries or sweets?" I asked, taking the glass from him and taking a sip.

"Why not have them both?" he smiled. "I promise they will not go to waste." I looked at the promise in his eyes and smiled, taking another sip from the glass and kissed his lips.

"As long as you choose the wine."


	35. Chapter 35

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THIRTY-FIVE**_

We walked into the Hanged Man arm in arm, sharing a secret smile of a lovely uninterrupted afternoon together. I turned and looked at the lone mercenary who stood by the fireplace and nodded to him, grateful now of his presence than before and reminded myself that I would speak to him afterwards. I was certain that he would not accept any coin from me, for it was I who caused him to take the name Maraas when I convinced him to turn against the Tal-Vashoth long ago on the Wounded Coast.

We continued through to the stairs leading to the private suites in the back and knocked on the door, finding that it was locked which was unusual. Varric cracked the door open and looked at us, then past Fenris to see if we were alone before letting us inside.

"I swear, Hawke, I should move into your house in Hightown and charge you rent here!" he grumbled as he closed the behind us.

"Well I have always said that my house is open to all of you but I don't think Fenris likes sharing…" I stopped once I realized why Varric had the door locked.

Sebastian stood close to the fire with his back to us and without his chest armor and tunic to allow Anders better access to his broken arm and ribs. I had wrapped them earlier after we had fled the Bone Pit caverns and had cursed myself for not seeking out Anders to join us. I had heard his bowstring snap, watched as he was surrounded by dragonlings before rushing to his side. We had managed to get out of the mines, holding him between me and Fenris while Varric sealed off the entrance. We had gone to the mines before the sun had risen but had only gone in so far.

We made it back to Kirkwall by the afternoon and had left Sebastian with Varric at the Hanged Man, heavily sedated. Fenris even offered to go into Darktown to Anders clinic to request his aid when I briefly hesitated to go myself. Instead I went to the Alienage to pass the time with Merrill, knowing we would still need to go back and clear out the remaining dragonlings and possibly worse. I was only thankful we had helped a few of the miners escape before being surrounded.

I watched as Sebastian leaned heavily on Isabela, wincing as the bones slowly mended. I looked around and spotted the broken bow on the table, thankful it was not the Starkhaven bow that had belonged to his grandfather. I left Fenris' side and walked to Sebastian, watched as his facial muscles relaxed and he was able to breathe easier. I turned to see Merrill gathering various bandages and used poultices, ones that I had purchased from Solivitus at the Gallows rather than travel to Darktown and face Anders. It meant that we healed slower but I was too stubborn to speak to him, knowing that my anger would only incite Justice to retaliate against me. I noticed that her hand was no longer wrapped, which meant he had taken the time to heal her as well.

Fenris helped Isabela with Sebastian, who could now use his arm but was exhausted. I turned as Anders walked away from them, walking hesitantly towards him.

"I didn't think you would come," I said and watched as they helped Sebastian to a chair, seeing Isabela's worry written clearly on her face. "Thank you for helping them."

"It's nothing, really," he said, keeping his back to me.

"Varric locked the door for you, didn't he?"

"The Templars have been searching for any mage outside the tower. Soon the fact that I am a Grey Warden will not matter. They have made it difficult for me to help those in Darktown," he said and sighed. "They'll never stop."

"I meant what I told Varric, Anders. If you need to run somewhere safe, you can come to my home," I said and he turned to look at me.

"It's kind of you to offer but I doubt your husband would appreciate you making it," he said wearily.

"It would cause some creative persuasion on my part but it's a big house," I said, inwardly wishing I had worded this differently, as I was sure he knew exactly what I meant. "I'd feel better knowing you were safe."

"I'll consider it. Again, thank you for the offer. It means more then you know," he said and bent to pick up the kitten that was winding his way around Anders boots, swatting at the laces.

I went to Sebastian and tried not to smile at Isabela, who had moved away from him but could not stop looking at him. I knelt beside him and he smiled faintly at me.

"I bet you're rethinking the whole "glad you met me" comment you made once," I said and he gave a small laugh, wincing a little and I took his hand. "I'm sorry this keeps happening, Sebastian. I wish sometimes you would just outright refuse to go with me. It would certainly save you on a lot of pain and misery when it comes to me."

"The pain will fade, Seelia. I believe the Maker approves that I have you as a friend, you who give so much of yourself to help those in need," he said as I looked sadly at his broken bow.

"Then the Maker has a strange way of bringing us together," I said and smiled. "It was a beautiful bow, Sebastian. I'm sure I saw another you might be able to use somewhere in Lowtown. Or perhaps the one in the mansion. I haven't quite mastered using it and it's a shame to let it sit unused for so long. I'm just glad it wasn't your grandfather's."

"Any would suffice," he said, seeing that I was still upset by the attack. "Once I've rested we can go back and finish what we've started," he said and I looked at him closely.

"You'd go back with me?"

"If they continue to get out of hand then they may still become a danger to Kirkwall. I do not want you going back alone just from this one incident. You and Fenris always put yourselves in front out us, using yourselves as shields to protect us. I would never forgive myself if you went back without me and got hurt because you were not protected by my arrows," he said and smiled.

"We wouldn't want that, now would we?" I said and smiled back.

He leaned forward and said in a quiet voice, "Have you spoken to Anders?"

I bit my lip, looking at everyone drinking and catching up, waiting to hear why I called them all together.

"Not yet. It seems that so much is happening right now that I haven't had a chance," I admitted.

"You need to speak with him soon, Seelia. Stop putting it off like you always do," he said sternly.

"I promise," I said, though secretly hoping he did not hear the lie in my voice.


	36. Chapter 36

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THIRTY-SIX**_

I turned as Aveline finally walked in, looking confused and upset and I called for everyone's attention. In speaking to Merrill earlier, it had become apparent that perhaps I had been taking on too much and was not aware of what was going on with my companions, something I could not abide by.

"First I would like to apologize if I have not been as available to any here who may have needed me recently. It's becoming increasingly clear that things are spiraling out of control and we all know that sooner or later, changes need to be made," I said as I stood at the head of the table we had all gathered around.

"We've all suggested that you take the Viscounts seat, Seelia, but still you refuse," said Sebastian.

"And you all know my reasons," I replied, looking at my friends. "I hate to say it but without any definitive answer from the Grand Cleric, Meredith will continue to run Kirkwall into the ground, Sebastian. And the way things are going, it may be best if you convince her that she may no longer be safe if she remains. I fear that the growing unrest between Orsino and Meredith will likely be the cause of something we cannot defend the city against."

"With all the new recruits to the city guard, we can barely contain the unrest in various parts of the city. The Carta and the Coterie have taken the opportunity to try to expand their areas of influence. Without your help, Hawke, I think we'd be overrun by now," Aveline put in and I smiled at her.

"Has Walter joined the guard after all?" I asked her.

"He has but it will be some time before he will see active duty. Right now he's assisting where he can and occasionally Cricket can be found in the barracks, helping the staff," she said. "They needed a stable environment."

"I'm glad they chose the City Guard instead of becoming forced into gangs or caught by slavers," I said. "We've been finding more of them when we travel to the Wounded Coast." I looked away towards the fireplace, crossing my arms over my abdomen and sighed. "I regret that Evelina and Huon were forced to resort to blood magic to escape the circle." I knew that Anders would have argued about laying the blame at Meredith's feet so I quickly continued. "Aveline, I was hoping you could visit the Gallows tomorrow to call on Orsino. I would go myself but it only causes more problems for Bethany, especially after I convinced Emile de Launcet to return to the tower."

"Would that I could but I have some of my own internal problems to deal with," Aveline said.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"The Knight-Captain has been making suggestions that I coddle my men, Hawke," she said simply and I scoffed.

"That's ridiculous! When did this come up?"

"While you were helping Varric with his little problem at Bertrand's old mansion in Hightown," Fenris answered and Isabela gave an involuntary squeak.

"Please, _please_ do not remind me of that! I still get chills just thinking of that house!" she said and shuddered. I smirked at her, recalling how she practically jumped into Sebastian's arms when something brushed up against her.

I looked at Fenris and Aveline and shook my head. "Why is this the first time I'm hearing of this?"

"Because you've taken it upon yourself to try to solve every problem in Kirkwall, Hawke, and as commendable as that is, you need to take a step back and let someone else handle the problems that are happening," I was surprised that this came from Anders.

"Fine," I said. "Aveline we need to pull any suspicion away from the guard as soon as we can. Any suggestions?"

"We could check on a few of the patrols around Lowtown," she recommended. "Perhaps if you convince him that things are not as safe as he is led to believe then he will have no choice but to put the matter to rest."

"I agree. Varric, would you care to join us?" I asked, turning to him as he was draining his mug of ale.

"Why not? It doesn't look like I'm getting my room back anytime soon," he joked.

I turned to the remaining group, looking at Sebastian and Anders. "Sebastian, I hate to ask this of you, but could you go to the Gallows tomorrow to see the First Enchanter?" I asked him and he simply nodded.

"Why wait for tomorrow?" Isabela asked.

"I'm hoping that whatever Orsino needs does not require immediate attention. I do not expect the Templars to be so forgiving of a late night visit," I told her and turned again to Sebastian. "I want you to get some rest and whatever happens, do not exert yourself until you're fully healed, do you understand me?" I looked at Isabela and Anders next. "Isabela, I need you to go with him to the Gallows. Anders, can you help them out if you are needed?"

"I'll go as well," said Merrill, who had been quietly sitting and petting the kitten.

"I suggest that you two remain here while Sebastian and Isabela go to the Gallows. I don't trust that Meredith will not take the opportunity to arrest the both of you," I said and looked at both mages. "Without the use of Sebastian's bow, I suggest you hire Maraas to accompany you."

"Will he even help them? I don't think we're at the top of his good graces list, Hawke," Varric asked and I looked at Merrill.

"Coin is coin, Varric and mine spends just as easily," I replied. "Everyone please be careful. The more we help, the more we make targets of ourselves," I said and looked around at the faces of my friends, concerned that what I started here so long could be what causes me to lose them.

I walked away from the table and approached Aveline who was waiting impatiently by the door and she left without another word. Fenris was right behind her but I turned to see Anders had stopped Varric and was attempting to give him something covertly but he refused, putting his hand on the mages arm and telling him something as he walked away to join us. I looked at Anders and saw that he watched Varric walk away with a sad, strange look on his face.

"What was that about?" I asked Varric as I slowed to walk beside him.

"Blondie's getting sentimental all of a sudden," he said, hoisting Bianca onto his right shoulder, looking impressive with his crossbow ready. "I think your little speech there at the end made him realize that we're not as immortal as we thought."

"Maybe some of us are," I joked. "You certainly tell enough stories about me that people wonder if I've done half the things you've claimed," I said and stopped. "But why is it they think I have a stronger relationship with the King of Ferelden than just the one meeting? Are you leading people to believe that I am so shameless that I throw myself at foreign royalty?" I glared at him.

"Hmm, someone must have mistaken you for Isabela again," he said and tugged at right his gold earring. "You only shamelessly throw yourself at the elf nowadays," he said and grinned.

I couldn't help but giggle at his comment. I turned to look at Fenris, who stopped and was watching me talk with Varric. We continued slowly towards the door when Varric put his hand on my arm and I stopped once again.

"I was a little doubtful at first when you first started seeing the broody elf because I thought it would only end very badly. Your relationship with Anders really did a number on you and although I wanted nothing but for you to be happy, I was concerned. I feel the need to apologize to you, Hawke," he said. "I didn't think Fenris even knew he could be so happy but to see you two together warms my heart."

I hugged him and kissed his forehead. "Thank you, Varric."

His grin grew wider as he looked over at Fenris. "Are you ever going to explain how the two of you ended up together or should I just make something up, Hawke?"

"Can I help with that? I'm sure it would curl your reader's toes once I get through with that story!" Isabela said and I looked up at her. I had not noticed that she had followed us.

"Is there something you need, Isabela?" I asked, trying hard not to smile and hoping that Varric wouldn't take her up on her offer.

"Are you sure about sending Sebastian to the Gallows tomorrow?"

"Would you prefer to go alone?" I asked and she quickly shook her head. "I would go if I could, Isabela, but right now Aveline needs my help. Just make sure that he doesn't take his bow and keep him safe, Izzy," I said and she raised her eyebrow at me. "What? You get to call Merrill 'Kitten' and I don't get to call you Izzy?" I laughed.

"Yes but Merrill's so adorable that she reminds me of a kitten. Plus she always has Remi with her now," she said and crossed her arms. "Do I look like an Izzy to you?"

"Perhaps now you'll call me by my name," I said turned when Aveline called from the open doorway.

"Izzy!" I heard her say and Varric laughed.


	37. Chapter 37

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**THIRTY-SEVEN**_

It was well before dawn before we finally made it back, exhausted, to Hightown. We had shadowed several patrols and at each had found them engaging one of many new gangs who were fighting to gain control of the different areas of Kirkwall. We stepped in only when necessary but after doing so all night, I was in sore need of my bed and a bath, in whatever order they came first.

Earlier we woke the same ferry captain that Varric recommended not long ago and he took us across to the Gallows and I managed to rest a little before we docked on the other side. Fenris and Varric stayed with the boat captain, while we climbed the steps to the Gallows. Aveline was convinced that if Cullen were anything like her, he would already be at his post at this early hour. I looked at him, fully rested, and was sorely tempted to find some way to wipe a little of the blood from my armor onto his but instead stopped and splashed a little bit of water on my face to look presentable.

He seemed surprised to see us there so early, covered in rust colored stains, reporting that with the increase of criminal activity, there was no way any accusation against Aveline had any merit. Even the presence of Templars at the Keep has doing nothing to discourage the gangs, since it was known that they only fought against mages. I tried hard not to smirk as he listened to my report, seeing that he handled my veiled comments well as he rubbed his forehead with his gauntleted hand.

"I have no doubts that the complaints are not completely valid but the sheer number of them makes Meredith wonder if there is reason for there to even be a city guard," he said and I held onto Aveline's arm as she reacted to his statement.

"If Meredith thinks I'm doing such a piss-poor job then perhaps she would prefer to send some of her Templars out on patrols instead," she challenged. "Then tell me if the guards are not needed!"

"I have little doubt that they are, Guard-Captain. I see the tension that is building around the city with each hour that passes," he said as I moved in front of an irritated Aveline. "Meredith feels that if the Templars and the City-Guard were…_united_ then the people would not feel the need to act out."

"You mean, Meredith wants Aveline to back down," I said and smirked at him. "It makes sense now, Aveline. It's obvious the Guard reported only to the Viscount and now without one, it has left a void that Meredith has desperately been trying to place herself in. And as Guard-Captain, you have not bowed down to support her," I told her. "Tell me, Cullen, how do you feel about Meredith trying to take over Kirkwall? Will she remain the Knight-Commander as well as being Viscount?"

He stood there and glared at me. "It is not my place to question."

"You're not a puppet, Cullen. You have a mind so use it! You see how the city is reacting now; imagine what it will be like when all of Kirkwall is treated like the mages in the Gallows?" I looked at him and he visibly deflated. "There will come a time when you will need to make a decision, Cullen, between what is right and what is forced upon you. I only hope that you will make the right one," I said and proceeded to walk away.

"All I can tell you is that the complaints come from a guard at the docks," he said as we were walking away. I looked at Aveline and she nodded.

"Thank you, Cullen," Aveline told him, bowing her head at him and I walked back to him.

"I do not trust things to get better any time soon and I fear that Bethany will only suffer for my actions in Kirkwall," I said quietly, standing close to him. "My only hope is that there was someone here to look out for her. The way things stand here, I would have requested that she be transferred to a different tower. Even as far away as the Ferelden tower to be safe with Siobhan but I doubt Meredith would agree to it," I looked at him closely.

"She would never allow it," he replied quietly. "I made a promise to you once that I would look out for your sister. I do not break my promises, Hawke."

I smiled at him, feeling relieved. "Thank you, Cullen."

I returned to Aveline and we slowly walked down the steps leading back down to the docks.

"Do you honestly think Bethany is in any danger here?" she asked.

"I hope not but in bringing Emile back to tower has not endeared me to the mages here," I replied, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "Thrask informed me that they even caught the Starkhaven mages we helped at the Wounded Coast." She grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Hawke, they tried to convince you to kill Thrask! How Anders convinced you to let them escape…"

"It was my decision, Aveline, not his. I didn't want them to try to fight their way passed the Templars that were looking for them and there was no way I would harm Thrask, not after all he has done. It was the only solution I could think of at the time," I said.

"You could have convinced them to turn themselves in."

"Aveline, you've seen how they are treated here at the Gallows! I know you do not always agree but I will continue to do what I think is right, even if it means helping mages," I said and looked at her.

"You sound just like Anders, Hawke. How is it he still has such a hold on you after all this time?"

"He doesn't. Anders has nothing to do with how I feel about how mages are treated. My father believed that mages should have the same rights as any man or woman. He fought to keep Bethany safe. He raised us not to fear magic and to hope that someday changes would be made. If I can help make those changes, then I will," I said and continued to walk down the stairs.

"Even after what was done to your mother?" she called after me and I turned back to her.

"I can't judge them all solely on the actions of a few, Aveline," I said to her. "Power changes people. It doesn't matter if it is literal power that mages wield or power over the lives of other. You need look no further than this tower to see that even those without magic can try to rule over us all."

"You're right. Meredith will eventually try to turn Kirkwall into a bigger Gallows," she sighed and I continued to walk down the steps. "I'm sorry, Hawke. I shouldn't have used your mother as an example."

"No, it's understandable. But there is something to also consider," I said and looked back up to her. "Normal men, even Kings, have become tyrants even without the use of magic, Aveline."

She nodded to me and we continued down the steps.

"Let's take the day to rest. We'll meet later tonight to meet with the guard down at the dock to determine what is causing unrest," she said and soon we boarded the ferry to return to the Docks.


	38. Chapter 38

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**TO KJF: Don't you just hate when I make you use that dirty imagination? Enjoy! **_

_**THIRTY-EIGHT**_

We stumbled back to Hightown as vendors were heading to their respective stalls. My eyes felt gritty and I was continuously yawning but Fenris was still alert, watching the merchants pass us. We promised to meet Aveline later that night at the Hanged Man, hoping by then that Sebastian had resolved whatever issue Orsino had. I didn't like asking for his help so soon after he had been injured but until this mess with the guards was resolved I could not even consider stepping in, especially after the comment made by Anders.

I trusted that Sebastian would handle whatever problem the First Enchanter had and would use his best judgment. I only hoped that Isabela would be true to her word and make certain that he remained safe. I had seen the look of concern on her face and knew that what she felt for him went beyond basic lust as she claimed. I just didn't know if he could reciprocate her feelings while still tied to the Chantry. I had hoped that one day he would see that his duty also lay with the people of Starkhaven. I wondered if he could see her as I saw her and perhaps if possible, see that she loved him. I could certainly see her changing to be with him.

I knew that it would be some time before the rest of the house stirred and sleepily headed in the direction of the stairs after stopping long enough to unbuckle my long sword and hand it to Fenris who was placing them in the racks in the entrance. They were well maintained but I knew that Bodahn would see to it that they went to a smith to repair any damage. As I was fumbling for the buckles on my armor when I felt an arm pull me in a different direction, towards the back of the house, towards the large washroom. I grumbled, feeling so tired I did not resist but not certain I would have the energy to leave once I settled in the warm water.

I had had few changes made to the house that once belonged to my mother's family but one that I insisted on was a tiled washroom like one Bodahn described from Orzammar. He commissioned a few surface dwarves who came to remodel the room, adding tile and a large rune-covered, stone basin as well as a few others. I learned that the basin contained a useful dweomer enchantment that once activated would fill it quickly with water, keeping the water consistently clear. It only filled up to a set line etched into the stone so it would not overflow. Sandal had added a few other runes which allowed the water to be heated as well, a welcome addition. In truth, it was the only indulgent I had allowed myself since moving into the large home, one that I used often especially returning covered in blood as I often find myself.

I fumbled with the straps on my armor, finally giving up and allowing Fenris to help me before I located a dagger to cut through the leather. I placed the various pieces on a shelf, removed my light chain mail and padded tunic, heaving a sigh of relief once I was unburdened. Once I removed my various guards and boots, I was down to my tights and thin undershirt, yawning as I leaned against the basin, watching it fill and adding various herbs to the water. Fenris placed a few fragrant oils that Orana located at the Hightown market, along with a small bucket, soaps and washcloths.

Once it was completely filled I removed what was left of my clothing, dropping them in a pile away the basin. There were a few steps that helped you get into the basin, and I tested the temperature of the water before stepping in, sighing at the warmth. I looked up as Fenris joined me, settling against the side of the basin before I sat down and settled in the middle near him. I reached for the bucket and filled it with water, letting it slosh over my head and soak my hair. I handed it to him so he could do the same, marveling at how dark his hair turned once it was wet, almost translucent silver, now lying flat against his head.

I reached for the bar of soap and used it to wash my hair, thankful it was still so short that it was quickly clean before he dumped water over my head to rinse the soap before it got in my eyes. I moved over to him and ran my soapy fingers through his hair, seeing the slight grin he wore as I massaged his scalp. I pulled his hair out in different directions, making it spike and he laughed before dousing his head with clean water. I used the soap on his face and chest, washing his arms before he got the second bar and washcloth and I turned so he could wash my back.

"I'm so glad Bodahn convinced me to remodel the washroom," I said, feeling his light touch on my neck and back. I washed my arms and my legs, feeling the warmth seep into my weary muscles. I set the soap down as I felt him work some of the oil into my hair and on my skin, massaging my shoulders. I sighed and leaned against him as his hands glided across my neck and collarbone, massaging his way down my arms, up my stomach and breasts. I turned to him and took the oil, adding some to my hands and worked a little onto his scalp, paying special attention to his neck and ears, leaving little kisses on both. I shivered as his hands moved up and down my back as I straddled his long legs.

"I don't think he had quite this is mind when he suggested it," he murmured against my neck as I worked the oil onto his arms and chest, working my way lower into the water and I felt him tense as my hand wrapped around him.

"I'm sure he knows that it's being put to very good use," I said as I kissed him.


	39. Chapter 39

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Inspiration for this chapter is fan art called simply "Fenris and Hawke" by Skayster at DevaintArt.**_

_**THIRTY-NINE**_

Hours later, my eyes opened slowly and I yawned. I glanced around the room and felt nothing out of the ordinary that would have caused me to wake up yet my eyes refused to close. I knew that I still had a few more than hours to rest before meeting Aveline and Varric but my mind wandered to the Gallows, to First Enchanter Orsino and to whatever problem he might have had that he asked for my help. This was the first time when I was unable to answer a request and it still weighed heavily on me. I only hoped that whatever happened, they were safe and I would hear all about it once we were done helping Aveline.

I hated to admit it but what Anders said was true. I needed to take a step back from the problems of Kirkwall, especially if I hoped to have a normal life now that I was married. And if we were lucky again to conceive I needed to think about the health of our child first and foremost.

_I cannot let him down again,_ I thought.

I reluctantly sat up, looking back down at Fenris' peaceful face and tried not to make any sudden moves to wake him. I rotated my neck and stretched out my arms, feeling only slightly refreshed from getting a few hours' sleep. I quietly blew sleep tousled hair away from my face as I leaned closer to the edge of the bed, looking for the discarded tunic blouse I wore earlier, thinking perhaps a warm glass of tea would help me go back to sleep. I had barely moved a few inches away when an arm reached out and pulled me back into the warmth of the bed and I giggled as Fenris' breath tickled my ear.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked sleepily, nuzzling my neck, pulling me closer to his warm, lean body.

"I thought perhaps a warm glass of tea might help me fall back asleep," I said as he kissed behind my earlobe.

"No," he said and I sighed, feeling comfortable with him so close. I took his hand and intertwined my fingers with his, feeling the strong, steady beating of his heart against me and closed my eyes once more.

Hours later I woke and I could tell that the sun was lower in the sky from the shadows that it cast into my bedroom. I felt fingertips brushing up and down my spine and I turned to Fenris, who was now awake and dressed in his dark tunic trousers, watching me. He laughed softly as my stomach rumbled and he placed a light kiss on my shoulder.

"I brought some food up for when you finally woke," he said as I turned to him, yawning and rubbing my eyes. "You know, you're so cute when you're asleep," he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"How long have you been watching me?" I asked, trying to ignore my stomach's rumblings as I moved slight away from him, onto my left side to face him.

"Not very long," he said, reaching out to move stray strands away from my face. "You make these small sounds when you sleep…"

I reached out and batted his hand away. "You lie!" I said and he laughed.

"It's true!"

He was leaning on his right elbow facing me and I pushed him onto his back, moving quickly and straddling his waist but remaining on my knees, leaning forward and placing my hands on his wrists to keep him from moving. "Now, I think you want to think really hard about who warms your bed at nights, elf," I said and looked down at him mischievously.

"Oh, I do, dear wife," he said and I laughed as I sat back on my heels, looking down at him. "I can't help but watch you sleep sometimes," he said, reaching up and touching my cheek. "Especially when you…"

I reached down to his waist, finding the spot I located that made him laugh uncontrollably and he moved away. I reached for him again as he wiggled away, bent slightly as my fingers found their mark and he tried desperately not to laugh and somehow managed to get off the bed. I turned and followed him, still on the bed, as he moved away from me, taunting me from the bedposts. I lunged to the edge and he moved away as I rolled on the bed, landing on my knees, locating a discarded tunic top and quickly put it on.

It was my favorite new game, trying to catch him once I had found the one spot on his body that made him laugh. It was a sound that I cherished, one he was not used to making and no one else knew he had it. I ran after him out of the room, running straight into his back as he stopped short. I rubbed my nose as I peered past him at the stern face of Aveline, who had been patiently waiting for us downstairs. I quickly pulled the tunic top lower, which I noticed was not mine, as I saw that Varric also sat in front of the fire and was watching us as well. I blushed brightly and moved in back of him, hiding my legs as best as I could.

"Perhaps you two would like us to come back at a more convenient time," Aveline said.

"No, no! Just give me a moment to get into my armor and we'll go!" I said and pulled Fenris back with me to the room, closing the door.

"I swear, it's like they just got married!" I could hear her complaining to Varric and I stuck my head out the door.

"I heard that!"

"Hawke, so help me, if I have to go up there…" she started and I closed the door again, looking sheepishly at Fenris, who gave me a quick peck on the lips before moving to get dressed.


	40. Chapter 40

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Inspiration for this chapter came from fan art called Jealousy by Aimo on DeviantArt. It's one of my favorites!**_

_**FORTY**_

It had been another long night for us, having tracked down Guardsman Brennan in Lowtown to try to learn her part in the complaints against Aveline. She was ashamed that she did not just come out and talk to her, informing us that the former Guard-Captain was trying his best to discredit her to take back his position. I had had a feeling that having him publically removed by the Viscount had not been enough and had felt that further action should have been taken but as usual, she had not agreed with me. It had come back to haunt her and we had wandered down into the furthest depths of Darktown to find him and his followers.

She regretted not being able to dissuade him from the path he had chosen to take, fearing that she would lose the respect of her guards. We walked with her back to the Keep and saw that the Guards all stood at attention, waiting for her commands. I could see her swallow back her tears as she nodded to her men and we left, walking slowly back home.

Fenris was understandably upset, though to be honest I wasn't sure how things could have gone any different. Most of the followers that Jeven had amassed in Darktown would have never made it as guards and most had heard enough about all of us to be very afraid. Aveline tried to get them to see that the former Guard-Captain was only using them for his own crusade but could not stop the all-out attack against us.

Jeven had a well-deserved reputation at handling his blades and had lasted longer than any of his followers. I had not anticipated he had a hidden archer until it was almost too late, pushing Aveline out of the way and getting grazed by the arrow instead before Varric managed to take him down. Fenris had turned to the former Guard-Captain and rushed past Aveline to cut him down when he saw the blood running into my eye.

It had been a shallow cut covered by my hair but it had bled profusely and now I wanted to get home as quickly as I could to get it properly cleaned and stitched up if necessary. I was fairly certain that it was too early to expect Anders to be awake, so I held a cloth to the cut, after I doused it with water to clean it. I didn't want to admit that by the time we made it inside, I was feeling a little dizzy, just continued to argue that if I had not moved Aveline out of the way, most likely she would have not survived the arrow.

Bodahn was tending the fireplace when we walked in, saw that we were arguing as usual and went off to get Orana, who had become quite invaluable with the use of a needle. I finally sat down in front of the fireplace in the main hall and waited for her to return when Anders and Isabela let themselves in, watching us argue.

"Anders, please tell him that this isn't as bad as it looks! Maker's breath, Fenris, you're acting as if I'm bleeding out!" I said, moving the cloth as Anders stopped in the doorway, trying to catch his breath. Isabela came to my side and gently touched the wound and I winced, feeling as more blood started to flow and I grabbed Isabela's hand.

"I don't care if it's not life threatening!" Fenris said, walking up to him and pointed at me. "Do something, mage!" he demanded but from the looks on their faces I knew something had gone terribly wrong. Anders walked slowly towards me and looked at the cut of my head, calmly checking the wound.

"Isabela, what's wrong? Where are Merrill and Sebastian?" I asked her as Anders took the cloth and clean water that Orana had brought out in a bowl to use. He took out a vial he had in his belt pouch and added some of the fluid to the water. He soaked the cloth and whatever he added to the water stung terribly but having had many other similar wounds, I knew that it was meant to stop infection.

"They're waiting for us at the docks," she said, watching as he put the bowl back down and checked the wound once again before starting to heal it properly. "I know you've had a long night, but we need you to come with us now."

"What happened? Did something go wrong?" I asked, looking at them both as Anders kneeled next to Isabela. "What did Orsino want?"

"He was concerned that some of the mages were somehow getting out of the tower and thought that Meredith would only try to prove that they were blood mages," Anders explained but I interrupted.

"Understandably, but that doesn't explain…"

"Hawke, I need you to sit still and listen to me!" he said urgently and I clenched my jaw, nodding for him to continue. "The mages and Templars are working together to find a way to get rid of Meredith. We disrupted their little meeting last night, hoping that would be the end of it only…" he said and looked at Fenris. "One of the Templars was Keran."

"The Templar we saved from the being possessed? Why was he there?" I looked at both of them in disbelief. "Are they insane? That will only cause an all-out war with Meredith! She will call for the Right of Annulment! Every mage will either be killed or made Tranquil!" I yelled, moving towards them to get up and Anders put his hand on my arm.

"They knew Orsino would involve you," he said as I sat back on the chair. "To keep you from stopping them, Keran says that they've taken Bethany hostage."

"Where is Keran now?" Fenris asked.

"Sebastian advised him to leave. He was the only Templar who would not attack us," Isabela said, looking over her shoulder at Fenris. "We've already made plans to go to the Wounded Coast but Sebastian still cannot use his bow and we came as fast as we could to get you."

I looked at Fenris and he nodded. "Let's waste no more time," he said and Isabela helped me stand. "I would beg you to stay, but I know you not heed me, my love," he said as I steadied myself and looked at him.

"I will not stay here, not knowing what they are doing to Bethany," I said in a low voice, feeling my body grow cold and he nodded to me, turning to the front entrance to retrieve our long swords. "Maker help them if they've hurt her," I said and followed him.


	41. Chapter 41

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**FORTY-ONE**_

We were well on our way to the Wounded Coast when I turned to Isabela finally. "May I see your map?" I requested, the first time I had spoken since my leaving home, giving anyone who dared cross my path murderous looks. She handed me the rolled up parchment of a map she had made of the small coastal island not far off of Kirkwall, which had been useful on many occasions.

"Now, if I were a group of mages and Templars holding someone hostage," I asked myself. "Where would I be?"

"Perhaps here in the higher areas?" Sebastian suggested. "It has many vantage points, especially if they have archers."

"That might also work for mages, but not for the Templars," Fenris pointed out. "It would be too crowded and they would not be able to mount a proper offense."

"I would choose here," Anders pointed at a trail that branched off the main path. It was easily defendable and led to an area with plenty of open space for both mage and Templars.

"So would I," I said, looking at him. "Now explain to me again how no one noticed that several of the Templars have gone rogue?" I asked. "How is it no one notice that so many of the mages were no longer in the tower?"

"Orsino suggests that they have been using Meredith's continued absence from the tower to their advantage and have been secretly moving the mages from location to location in the dead of night," Sebastian answered. "He didn't want to admit that he knew Bethany was missing until we found them hiding at the docks."

"Orsino **knew** Bethany was no longer in the tower and he _failed_ to mention this to me?" I asked, hitting the deck with the underside of my fist. Fenris reached out and took my hand in his. He could feel my angry radiating off me.

"He wasn't allowed much access outside of his office and quarters, Hawke," Isabela said and I turned to her. "Meredith has had him in insolation since he tried to rally the people against her."

"What do you suggest we do?" I asked Anders, seeing that he had been unusually quiet.

"We need to see why are doing this and why they have Bethany," he replied tentatively. "It seems that they want the circle to work the way it was meant to, without the tyranny of Meredith and those who follow her," he said.

"Would that really be any different? They'd still be in the Gallows," Merrill asked.

"Some mages have been in the circle for so long they don't feel safe outside of it anymore," he answered. "They've never had the freedom to choose anything for themselves. In most of the circles, every little thing you do is scrutinized. You're not allowed any sense of privacy. Think of everything you take for granted…like love…" he said and looked at me. "It's just something they can use against you eventually."

"While I admit their cause is a worthy one," I said and looked at the fast approaching dock. "They should have left Bethany out of it if they didn't want me to get involved."

I handed the map back to Isabela and gathered my gear, watching the small crew drop anchor as we approached the dock. I did not turn to see who followed me off the boat but hearing the many sets of boots that followed me was reassuring as I set off at a brisk pace up the winding path. Isabela and Sebastian had taken point, with us following and she called me to a spot where she could look down on those gathered. She passed me her slender telescope and pointed out the area we were headed.

"They're all gathered around someone but I don't see any traps or any real defenses. None of the Templars have their weapons ready," she pointed out. "They seem to just be waiting for us."

"Thrask is with them," I said before giving her spy glass back. "As are the Starkhaven mages we rescued."

"Are you sure?" Anders asked.

"Absolutely," I said and turned to him. "I don't want this to get out of hand but if they've hurt Bethany…"

"Let's try to end this peacefully, Seelia," Sebastian cut in, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I didn't start this, Sebastian," I turned to walk away, continuing slowly. Waiting for us silently was Samson, a strung out ex-Templar I had had run-ins with in Lowtown who I could not tolerate. We glared at each other but he made a point of leaving and I felt he was not worth my time when the real reason I was there was waiting at the small inlet at the bottom of the path.

"Should we be letting him go? He might be a part of the group we seek." Fenris asked as I continued.

"If he is, then he is too much of a coward to stand up to us and fight," I said.

I continued forward, calmly and confidently even when all I wanted to do was rush towards Bethany, who lay motionless on the ground. I casually glanced at all the Templars and mages standing about nervously, surprised that they were all gathered her together as if they had not spent so long hating each other. Whatever Thrask had started, he brought about a truce between the mages and Templars I had once hoped for. Finally my eyes were drawn back to Bethany and saw blood smeared on her and mine turned cold, fearing that she was possibly hurt already. They watched quietly as we approached, watching our every move. I stopped a few feet from her to be certain she was breathing but making certain that no one took the opportunity to attack while I stood by her.

"Anders?"

"It's not her blood, Hawke," he answered and I released the breath I had been holding, looking again at the mages and Templars gathered. Thrask walked towards us. "Why have you done this?"

"I don't understand…why would you now side with Meredith against us, after all this time? We want the same thing," Thrask said, walking slowly towards me with Grace at his side. I recognized the Starkhaven mage and saw the barely contained rage cross her features. I moved to put myself between her and Bethany.

"Is this how you thought to keep me away, by kidnapping the only family I have left? I bear no love for Meredith nor do I support her in any way," I said, looking past him to Grace. "I have done nothing but help mages since I reached Kirkwall. Taking my sister was the last thing you should have ever considered if you wanted my support."

"We never meant to hurt your sister, Champion. I have nothing but respect for you and everything that you have done for mages. You have defied Meredith openly when others do not dare. I only ask this of you," he said looked briefly down at Bethany. "Help us against Meredith and we will release your sister."

"The mages of Kirkwall have my support but you do not, Thrask. Not while my sister lies at your feet. Release her now!" I demanded.

He looked at me. I felt my hand flexing, itching to draw my weapon but something in the back of my mind stopped me from reacting as I wanted. He could see that I hesitated and sighed, knowing that my patience was wearing thin.

"Very well," he said and turned to Grace. "Release her."

"No," she said simply. "She will die, simply for bearing the name Hawke. Then the Champion dies!"

"This isn't what we planned, Grace," Thrask moved towards her and grabbed her arm. "We need her help against Meredith."

"What do I care about Meredith? This was never about Meredith!" she spat at him, yanking her arm away. "That bitch killed the only man I ever loved. It should be her husband lying there on the floor, bleeding. It would have been if he were not always at her side. I will see him die by my own hand!" She turned to another Starkhaven mage, a gentle young man who called himself Alain, who we also tried to free with Grace and the others. "Alain, kill the sister!"

"No, Grace, I won't. I refuse to use blood magic ever again!"

She turned to him and slapped him as hard as she could. "You stupid child! You were always weak, Alain. Did that mage bitch get to you just like she got to the Knight-Captain? Are you all wrapped around her little finger? I suppose it shouldn't surprise me if all she had to do was smile at you and you would follow her around like a pathetic dog!" she yelled and turned to the other mages. "Kill them all!"

Thrask turned to stop her but already she started to pulsate as she cut herself once more, flinging her arm out towards him and coating him with her blood. I watched as his head whipped back, eyes roll back till all you saw was white and he screamed silently before falling. I knew he was dead and was sorry that there had been nothing I could do to save him.

Grace turned to me once again and I could see that her eyes had shifted completely to red. I dodged her next attack, rolling to the side, trying to divert her attacks away from Bethany. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that the others were dealing with Templars and mages alike. Isabela had placed herself in front of Sebastian, who held a single dagger but would not be able to defend himself against more than one attacker and I regretted that he had followed us unarmed. I chanced looking at Bethany's still form and saw Alain moving her away from everyone, the only magic he used was a barrier shield to protect the both of them.

"What is it about you that drives men to do anything to protect you, Hawke?" Grace asked as I circled closer to her.

"Perhaps it's the fact that I don't desire their blood?" I said, kicking away a Templar that stumbled against me. Grace hit him with something that caused him to writhe in pain, clutching his head, spewing blood from his mouth before collapsing. I rushed her while she was distracted and drove my sword into her body up to the hilt and she looked down, dribbling blood from her mouth.

"I tried to help you, Grace," I told her as her eyes rolled back and I yanked my sword back, flinging her blood off my blade as I turned to see that without Grace, the rest of the group gave up once they lost over half their numbers. I dropped my sword and walked towards Alain, who was still kneeling and looking down at Bethany. I could now see that he was bleeding and thought at first that he had somehow been hurt during the fight until I noticed a bloody dagger at his side on the ground.

"I tried so hard to never again resort to blood magic," he said as I stopped in my tracks, worried what his intentions were. "Grace used it to trap her and it's the only way to bring her back," he said and looked at me. I must have visibly relaxed until I noticed his barrier was still surrounding him and Bethany. "I'm sorry, Champion. She tried to teach me that I could be a good mage without blood magic but in doing this, I may never be able to stop."

"Alain, stop! What are you doing?" I yelled at him, unable to get any closer to them. "Anders! Help me!"

"Saving her," he said sadly. "She was the only true friend I ever had. I'm glad I can finally be the one helping her." He picked up the knife and cut himself again and again, deeper each time and allowed his blood to flow over Bethany. The effort to maintain both spells was draining him as his blood flowed from the various cuts he had. I could see him teetering and he fell to his side. I looked down at Bethany whose eyes had finally opened and had looked up at him. I could see the look of confusion on her face once she realized that she was covered in blood and that it was his before he fell slowly to the side.

There was nothing I could do until his shield finally dropped and by then it was too late to help him. I turned to Anders and he shook his head. Bethany sat up and was trying to staunch the flow of blood that was coming from his wrists. I knelt down beside her and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Bethany, but he's gone. He gave his life to save you," I said and she sobbed loudly. I held her face in my hands, making her look up at me. "What do you remember?" I asked her.

"Alain came to me and said the First Enchanter wished to see me…and then nothing. Seelia, what's going on? Why are we here?" she asked, tears streaming down her face. I wiped them as best as I could before holding her again, rocking her.

I could hear the tell-tale sound of men in heavy armor approaching us. I let go of Bethany and sat back on my heels so I could get up easily, walking back to retrieve my fallen sword as Samson was leading Cullen and a group of Templars to us.

"Serah Hawke, I hope you're here to stop these traitors and not join them," he said as he approached. I glared at Samson and he kept his head down.

"I came to stop them from making a terrible mistake. Their leader lies there dead, as you can plainly see. The others were unfortunately misled," I said, pointing at Grace's dead body.

"Regardless, their actions will be looked on harshly by Meredith. Take them all into questioning," he said to the Templars who arrived with him. "I had hoped the rumors I had heard about Thrask were false but seeing him there only verifies his guilt," he sighed.

"Thrask was an honorable man who saw that the circle is wrong in its treatment of mages, Cullen," I threw back at him. "They don't want to leave the tower, just make it better! And now look what they are reduced to," I said, looking at Alain sadly. Bethany was still beside his lifeless body, wiping blood from his face. I watched as everyone was rounded up and were escorted back up the trail before turning and punching Cullen. He stumbled slightly and I could see the others move to block us from the Templars.

"You were supposed to _protect_ her!" I yelled at him. "You promised me she would be _safe_!"

"With Meredith gone I had been called away to deal with another matter. They must have taken her then," he said, rubbing his chin and spitting out blood.

I grabbed one of the leather straps of his armor and pulled him to where Bethany still knelt. "He gave his life to save her but you're just going to write him off as another blood mage. Grace killed Thrask who was only trying to make the tower safe for mages," I turned and looked at him. "I don't care how you manage it, Cullen, but I want Bethany moved to the circle in Ferelden as soon as possible. I don't care how you manage it, or who I have to pay to get it done, just do it! There is bound to be more who will try to get to me through her!" I moved closer to him. "How would you feel if it had been her, Cullen? Seeing her there, lying in a pool of her own blood, trying to save the one person who she considered to be her friend?"

I could see him swallow uncomfortably and turn to look at me. "I'll see what I can do but I make no promises on how quickly it can be done, Hawke. I…I do not wish to see her harmed any more that you do," he admitted.

"Glad we can finally agree on something, Cullen. Keep in touch," I said and reached for Bethany's arm. At first she moved away from me until I tightened my grip on her arm and pulled her up.

"We'll see that his body gets transported back to the tower," Cullen said softly.

"Thrask also deserves to be buried properly," I told him. "Feel free to leave Grace. I don't care to ever see her again," I said and put my arm around Bethany, pulling her away from Alain's body.


	42. Chapter 42

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Part of this story is inspired by fan art call Tranquil by **__**Eisblumen**__** on **__**DeviantArt. This pic really gets me every time I see it. Check it out.**_

_**FORTY-TWO**_

_**There are too many people surrounding me!**_I thought, jumping off the ship deck at the last possible moment to land on the dock. I caught a glimpse of Fenris' concerned face before I moved away. I had planned to return with Bethany but thoughts of being on an overcrowded ship once again made me anxious and I decided to wait for the boat returning for the small remainder of captives.

I used the various distractions to slip away to the highest paths of the island, gripping rocks to pull me to ledges I had avoided before. I started unbuckling various armor and protective guards along the path, throwing the blood stained pieces of offending metal away from me until I was dressed only in my stained padded tunic, tights and boots. I rested my sword against a rock and stood looking down at the water below. I heard light footsteps behind me but did not bother to turn to the person who had followed.

"I'm not going to jump, if that's what you're worried about."

"The thought never crossed my mind, Seelia," Anders said, watching me sit at the edge of the cliff. "You shouldn't blame yourself. None of what happened today is your fault."  
>"I don't know what to believe anymore," I said. "I've told myself time and again that I did the right thing by helping Grace and the other Starkhaven mages. I refused to kill Thrask then because I could see that he regretted allowing his own daughter to be placed in the Gallows but as a Templar he knew he had no choice. I felt his loss every time I saw him and I think that helped change his perspective on how the mages were treated," I said and looked at him. "He knew the tower wasn't perfect but he was willing to try to change it."<p>

"The tower isn't the solution, Seelia. It never was," he said as he joined me on the ledge.

"You've said it yourself, Anders, that some mages have never known any real life outside of the tower. If you tried to force them out now I believe they would return only because it is the only place they might feel relatively safe," I argued.

"Safe is hardly the word I would use to describe living at a tower. I was taken when I was too young to remember anything of importance and still I fought to escape." He looked out to the water, angry. I reached over and took his hand.

"Changes need to be made so that one day mages can live freely. It doesn't matter how long it takes and other mages will rise up to demand their freedom," he said and looked at me. "Imagine it, Seelia. Free to love, to practice magic outside of the tower."

I looked down at the water again then looked at him and grinned. "I've never told anyone this but I hate ships. Ever since we crowded into that ships hold long ago crossing over from Ferelden, I've avoided them. I'm not entirely sure if it's being crowded in such an enclosed space that bothers me or what," I said. "But being on that boat just now… it frightened me, Anders."

"Considering how your day has gone, it's understandable," he said and looked at me. "I don't know if you've ever admitted that something frightened you before. I didn't know that you could be," he joked.

"Plenty of things have frightened me only I try not to let it show," I admitted. "Any time we go out could bring all sorts of disaster. I worry each and every time that I could lose anyone of you." I leaned close to him. "I constantly worry about you, Anders. On the risks you take."

"And yet you seem to be the one who always gets hurt," he observed. "You always put yourself in front of us, Seelia, preferring to take a blade than any one of us. I've had to heal you more times than I can count."

"You're all my family and I would do anything to protect you," I said and nudged his arm. "Have I told you that your new robes make you look dashing? I think I like the way you look in black, Anders." I said, running my fingers over the stitching. I looked closer at him as a sad look crossed his face.

"Yes, the seamstress from Darktown has made quite a name for herself, thanks to your help. I'm glad you could help her," he said.

"That was all Varric's doing. He had the proper contacts to get her started. The rest is her talent showing through in her work," I said and looked at the water again. "Maker knows she's made enough clothes for me!" I joked, scooting back so I could stand once more. "We better start heading back," I said, holding my hand out to him. "The boats should be back by now and I'm sure that Fenris will be very cross with me for jumping off the ship the way I did."

He took my hand and looked up at me. "I hope that you know that your friendship and support has meant the world to me, Seelia. You remind me so much of your cousin. She gave up so much so that I could be free of the tower on last time."

"She probably didn't want to see you end up tranquil, Anders. It's what I fear the most," I admitted, squeezing his hand.

"Thank you, Seelia," he said and got to his feet.

"Don't thank me yet. I'm sure there will be repercussions over what I did today. It seems that no matter if I do something right, I always seem to do something wrong," I said and leaned back against one of the rocks. "First and foremost I need to get Bethany out of Kirkwall, away from those like Grace. I don't care how it's done, so long as she's safe." I picked up my sword and strapped it in place.

Before turning to attempt squeezing through the rocks once again, I turned and took Anders face in my hands and tiptoed to place a quick kiss on his forehead. I could still recall his sad looks from earlier and wanted him to know I would always be here for him.

I still carried the dreaded image of one day seeing him tranquil.


	43. Chapter 43

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Part of this story is inspired by fan art simply called Hawke and Fenris by purple meow on**__**DeviantArt.**_

_**FORTY-THREE**_

We made it back to the dock as the ships were dropping anchor. I had grabbed some of my armor but kept it in hand, resting over my right shoulder, instead of strapping it back on. I lagged behind and stood at the very back everyone as I waited for the remaining Templars and mages to board. I had been looking down at the ground, surprised to see the crowd part as Fenris made his way to me. I dropped my armor and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pressed my forehead to his.

"Can we stay here, just a little longer? I can't face going back just yet," I whispered to him. I couldn't bear looking at the faces of men and women who had kidnapped my sister, even knowing that their fate was out of my hands.

"Isabela has already made the arrangements with the captain to return in a few hours," he said and I closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead. I looked over at Samson, who was waiting with the other Templars. I thought to myself that I had missed my chance to wipe the smug smile off his face, now that he had won his place back into the order that had tossed him out for his shadiness.

"It's too much, Fenris," I started to say and he shushed me.

"You take too much upon yourself, my love," he said, moving my hair away from my eyes. I looked past him as the ship began to fill once more. Anders stood on deck with his back to us, speaking with Isabela before turning to us as the ship set off again, leaving us standing on the dock. I slowly let my arms drop to step back so I could retrieve my armor before we slowly walked away, hand in hand. We walk along the path until we came to one that led towards the water. I set my sword down and sat looking at the water.

"Each day that passes I find myself not recognizing who I've become," I say softly as he sat down beside me. "I feel like I'm nothing more than a weapon for Kirkwall. I stayed here for my family, helping any and all that needed me. Now it feels like I am called to solve every problem in the city. It's just too much!" He put his arm around me and pulled me closer, rocking me slowly.

"Every day that passes I think about Ferelden," I confessed to him. "I want to go home, Fenris. Maybe not now but I would like to see my home someday. Perhaps when Bethany is finally out of the Gallows, I will return with her," I looked at him and sighed. "But I don't want to uproot you from your home. Now that here everything is stable for you…"

"Seelia, Kirkwall is not my home, my love," he said and I looked at him. "_You_ are my home. It doesn't matter here you go, I will follow you."

I closed my eyes as he kissed me. I looked at him briefly before wiping the tears from my eyes before leaning on his shoulder once again. It was nice to just sit without the whole of Kirkwall needing something from us. Just the two of us here alone. I intertwined my fingers in his and listened to his heart beating.

"Was this my fault?" I asked finally.

"Absolutely not. Do not blame yourself for the actions of others!" he said vehemently. "Grace and the other mages cannot place the blame of their fate at your feet. You stood by what you thought was right; you gave them more of a chance than anyone would have without taking Trasks' life."

"I had hoped they could find a better life outside of the tower. There are stories about the Starkhaven tower…" I said and shuddered. "The Gallows was no better for them if they went through all this to get to me."

"They were blood mages," he said, taking hold of my face in his hands. "I know you sympathized with them but they did not want your help. They wanted you to kill a good man so they could escape. And they would have killed again and again."

"Alain should have stopped. He didn't have to die. Bethany said he showed so much promise away from blood magic but that it was a constant struggle. I can't imagine it was any easier with Grace to constantly remind him." I looked at him sadly.

"At least he had Bethany to give him the support he needed. Perhaps he could have made a life for himself without blood magic."

He stroked my neck with his thumbs until I calmed down and leaned back on the soft sand, pulling me down with him. I settled in the crook of his arm and wrapped my arm around his waist. The warmth of the sun washed over us and was relaxing.

"I fear what Meredith will do once she realizes her own Templars were a part of this. She already believes that every mage is at risk of becoming a blood mage and now to find so many," I said and tightened my arm. "Any way I can, I must get Bethany away from the Gallows."

"We will, my love."

I sat up and looked at his blood stained armor. I took off my boots and reached down to unbuckle the straps of his armor. He watched as I worked on the ones I could reach.

"What are you doing?" he asked, peering up at me through his eyelashes.

"I don't want you to get weighed down by your armor," I said simply, reaching to his right shoulder strap.

"It would be a shame to waste such a beautiful day lying down on the sand, wouldn't it?" he pointed out and I smiled.

"Exactly," I laughed as I got my knees under me so I got easily get up. I started to rise when he pulled me in for another kiss, one that took my breath away and he got up easily and reached down for my hand.


	44. Chapter 44

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**FORTY-FOUR**_

_Anders what have you done?_

I spun in place, watching the small pieces of debris rain down all over Kirkwall. It was not long ago that I was in my home, having returned from the Wounded Coast, needing a bath and new armor. It was there I had received yet another urgent message to go to the Gallows, pocketing all other messages that Bodahn had given me, only half hearing him saying something about an unexpected visitor. I had a bad feeling about being summoned by the First Enchanter so soon after what transpired that I didn't listen, cutting him off and instead telling him to get Orana and Sandal and vacate the mansion as soon as possible. I had been preparing for this for some time now.

Aveline had been waiting for us to return, having seen the boats of captive mages and Templars returning from the Wounded Coast and I filled her in while I got everything I needed from my home, hoping everyone would be at the Hanged Man. We first went to Lowtown before heading to the docks, pausing only long enough for her to warn the guardsman that they may be needed at the Gallows. We quickly boarded the ferry, each weary of what we might find once we arrived. I paced the small area I had access to, looking at my companions worried faces, knowing that whatever happened now was on me to finally put a stop to it all. What we saw when we reached the Gallows docks made my breathe catch in my throat.

The captured mages and Templars had all been executed. Their bodies hung for all to see. I fell to my knees on the deck, making myself look at the faces of all the mages, breathing once I verified that none were Bethany.

Fenris helped me stand and we quickly passed the gruesome sight and continued up the steps towards the Gallows courtyard, towards the shouting that came from Orsino and Meredith. I was surprised to hear another voice amongst them and when I could finally see passed the last step, saw that it was Anders. He turned to us and I could see his eyes change to those of Justice. I stopped in my tracks, at first not noticing the glowing outline on the ground, a glyph meant to stop anyone from proceeding further. I realized too late that he had laid it for us, stopping us from reaching him. He had to have known Orsino would summon me once the mages were executed.

Suddenly there was a loud sound and we all turned back towards Kirkwall. It took me a moment to realize that where the Chantry once stood towering above the city was now shrouded in flames and debris. A second after the blast we were hit by the shock wave and I staggered back against the nearest wall. My ears were ringing as I slowly regained my balance and I touched them to see I was bleeding. I looked at the dazed expressions on my friend's faces, seeing Isabela kneel beside Sebastian as he continued to look on in horror of what had once been his home. He turned back to me and I saw looks of both complete sadness, followed by rage as he looked past me to Anders.

I shook away the dizziness, thankful that the blast freed me from the glyph as I slowly stumbled forward. I could see them shouting at Anders, but still could not focus enough to hear them until I got within a few feet. I could see the smug look on Meredith's face as she made her decision to invoke the Right of Annulment on the mages of the tower.

"You doom us all for the treachery of one man!" Orsino screamed at her.

"He is more than just a man, Orsino. He is a _mage_," she spat the word out. "And he is responsible for the deaths of the countless people that were undoubtedly in the Chantry only minutes ago. The Grand Cleric has been slaughtered by magic! If I do not do this then others will see it as an act of weakness!"

She turned to Cullen, who held Bethany away from Meredith and strode to him. "Every mage in the tower is to be executed immediately."

I shook my head again, still trying to clear the ringing in my ears. "_No_, Meredith. Orsino is right. The circle mages have nothing to do with what happened to the Chantry. You cannot blame them all," I said, trying hard not to at Anders.

"I'm sorry, Champion, but it must be done. First the tower is corrupted by blood magic and now to have the Chantry destroyed…"she turned to look at me. "Do you expect me to turn a blind eye, as you have all this time, in trusting in this man? How has your dealing with other mages not made you see their true nature? His actions here have sealed the fate of every mage throughout Thedas."

"I demand that as Champion, you stand beside me! Do your _duty_, here and now or you will share their fate!"

"No, Meredith! I will not help you _murder_ anyone else, like you murdered those who stood against you. If anything I think it was you who brought this about!" I turned to Anders finally. "Or was this your plan all along, Justice?"

"I could no longer stand by while they continued to murder more mages, Champion. If you were only here to witness what she had done, you would have done the same," said Justice, his deep voice almost eerily similar to Anders.

"But why destroy the Chantry?" Aveline asked.

"Because they are responsible for the enslavement and torture of all mages. They want you to think that they can bring peace between the Templars and mages when they are the ones who should be held responsible," he explained. "There can no longer be false compromise."

"Abomination! You count demons amongst your closest friends, Champion! You are no better than he is!" Meredith screamed at me.

"Justice is a spirit of the fade turned to Vengeance, Meredith. Anders cannot truly control him, it seems," I said sadly.

She turned back to Cullen, who had not acted on her order. "Why do you shelter her from me? Do as you were commanded!"

"No, Meredith. She has nothing to with all this," Cullen said to her.

"You dare! I have heard the rumors that you were in love with this mage but I discounted it. Not you, I thought, _never_ you! And now you have proven me wrong!" she turned to the other Templars. "Kill them all!" she ordered, turning swiftly and ran up the Gallows steps.


	45. Chapter 45

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**FORTY-FIVE**_

"Orsino! Go back and warn the tower! Meredith will slaughter anyone in her path!" I yelled to the First Enchanter, who hesitated for a moment before running back into the Gallows, stopping only long enough to daze a Templar who had turned to grab him.

I moved quickly to place myself between the nearest Templar and Anders, who was just standing still and completely defenseless. I could see the look of distress on Cullen's face as his fellow Templar's turned on him as I knocked one off his feet with the flat side of my sword, hesitating to run him through. I watched as one tried to get passed him to reach Bethany and he pushed the Templar back, finally drawing his weapon and holding it towards the man in front of him. I could see that while they were only acting on Meredith's orders, a few more noticed that Cullen wanted no part of the fight and backed off.

When he realized that they were expecting something from him, he looked around at the men and re-sheathed his sword. They followed his example and stood waiting for him to speak.

"Go back to Kirkwall and see if the City Guard needs assistance. No doubt there will be chaos to deal with," he told them and one guard stepped forward, pointing at Anders.

"Ser, what about the mage? Should we not take him into custody?" he asked and Cullen looked back at me.

"It's no longer our problem. Go now and let the Champion deal with this," he said and waited as they filed past us, heading down the steps to one of the ferries that were stationed at the docks before turning to me. "What are you going to do with him?"

I looked at him steadily and then looked back at Anders over my shoulder. "Let me worry about it," I said. "Remember your promise, Cullen. Get my sister out of here."

Bethany walked forward. "No, Seelia. I'm staying until this mess is dealt with. I will not run away while you stay and fight Meredith."

"I want you to be safe, Bethany! If you stay I cannot guarantee…"

"I will keep her safe, Hawke," Cullen said as he moved closer to her. "I will keep my promise to you."

Bethany turned to him and shook her head. "You both can't keep trying to protect me," she said and I could feel her drawing power into her hand and watched as she cradled fire easily on her palm. I used to worry that she would burn herself one day but by the look of confidence and determination in her eyes, I nodded at her and smiled.

"I've always known you could take care of yourself, Bethany, but you are the only family I have left and I do not want to lose you too," I said and gestured to Cullen. "If things get too bad, promise you'll go with him. He'll get you out of Kirkwall."

She smiled and moved closer to me and I drew her into my arms, hugging her briefly. She looked into my eyes before looking past me at Anders. "What about him?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Seelia, what about Anders? Why are you protecting him still?" Sebastian demanded, striding angrily towards me and I moved away from Bethany to stop him from reaching Anders. Cullen stepped forward and put his arm on her shoulder to pull her away from us.

"Because it was Justice who did this, Sebastian, not Anders," I said, putting my hand on his chest to stop him.

"He's said all this time that they are one and the same now, so deep down you cannot use Justice to excuse what _he's_ done!" He looked down at my hand on his armor and back up at me, confused that I was stopping him. "How can you defend him? All those people who were in the Chantry…do their deaths mean nothing to you? What about the Grand Cleric, a woman you knew, who trusted in you!" he yelled at me.

All his careful use of diction was slipping away to the brogue he had tried so hard to overcome and I was finally seeing a glimpse of the real Sebastian, one that had been buried under Chantry armor. He was once a wild, passionate soul that was now visible for all to see as he tried to calm himself down once more.

"Elthina was like a mother to me, Hawke. She was a beautiful, compassionate woman who made me realize I could be a better man than what I was becoming…and now she's gone," he said softly, his voice breaking and I reached up to touch his cheek with my fingertips. "What if I had stayed with her? If I had remained by her side like I had vowed, instead of going with you? Am I as worthless to you, Seelia? Would my loss mean nothing to you?" he asked as he grabbed my hand.

"I couldn't bear to lose any of you, Sebastian," I said softly, looking down at our hands before looking back up at him as his eyes hardened. I pulled my hand back as his grip tightened.

"Then stand aside," he said in a hard voice. "For what he has done, I will do my duty if you will not. I will kill him myself."

I could see Fenris moving slowly to come between us and the looks of concern on my friends faces. This was not the man we had all come to know in our time together, who preached forgiveness and they were all too far away to stop him. Cullen would not let go of Bethany's arm. I was all that stood between him and Anders. For all his speed, even Fenris would not reach us in time if he decided to act upon his challenge.

"I can't let you do that. Whatever happens, I will deal with it. If blood is split it will be on my hands, Sebastian, not yours. I will deal with Anders, not you or anyone here, but first I need to understand," I said firmly and looked again at my friends.

I knew they trusted me to act as I saw fit, but when it came to Anders, what choice did he leave me? In all of our time together, I never would have suspected that this was his plan. How could I look at him, knowing he finally gave into Justice?

I looked at Merrill, who looked miserable and it occurred to me that he could not have acted alone. "Did you know what he was planning?" I asked her and she seemed startled at my question.

"By the Creators, no! How could I…" she looked past me at Anders, coming closer to us as well. "All those things you said you needed! You said they were to help you separate from Justice, that you would be free of him at any cost!"

"Merrill was a part of this, then?" Sebastian turned to her and I grabbed his arm, stopping him from going to her as she shrank away from him.

"Justice knew that Merrill would do whatever Anders asked her, Sebastian. She cannot be blamed in this," I said as he jerked his arm out of my grasp. "He used her feelings for Anders."

"She never did learn how to say no, did she, Isabela?" Justice said, turning his attention to us once again. "He knew you would never help him, Hawke, not without demanding answers as to why he needed the ingredients. He feared you would realize that combining them would make an explosive so powerful…"

"You're admitting that Anders knew your plans all along?" Sebastian pointed out, turning to me once again. "Do you protect him still? He knew what he was doing!"

I took a step back and turned towards Anders as Fenris moved to stand beside Sebastian. I knew he could not move against me now, but Fenris gave me a confused look as I turned towards Anders and walked up to him. I knew that whatever happened now, his fate was in my hands.


	46. Chapter 46

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Sorry this took so long. My bf is sick and being a huge baby…and I'm struggling with writing a freaking 50-100 word description for my BioWare story! I'm hoping to upload it in a month or so here if anyone wants to read it.**_

_**This chapter is inspired by fan art called **__**"We need to**__** have a little chat"**__** by Owlet in chest at DeviantArt.**_

_**FORTY-SIX**_

I took a few steps back towards Anders but stopped as Sebastian also took a step towards me. I turned to him with my hand on the hilt of my sword, ready to be drawn at a moment's notice.

"I said stand down. I need a few answers first," I repeated as I walked closer to Anders.

"What could you possibly wish to know, Hawke? He deserves to die!" Sebastian yelled back at me and I stopped once again.

"Where's your forgiveness now, Sebastian? Are you not always reminding me of that?" I asked him and he stayed silent. I could hear him tighten the grip he had on the leather of his bow and wondered if he would truly attack. He looked away from me but I could still see the pain in his eyes. "You've always trusted me before. Trust me now to find the truth of why this has happened. Please," I said softly and he nodded curtly at me.

I turned my back to Sebastian once again as Fenris was close enough to intervene should he try to attack but he moved away from us. I continued towards Anders, who had remained away from the fighting but could see that Justice still had control.

"Was this your plan all along, Justice? To insight a war between all of Thedas and the very mages that Anders has sought to save? If not the Templars, then every city will rise against the circles, an endless cycle of killing on both sides!" I said angrily as I strode towards him. "You've broken the one man who called you his friend. You made him into a monster, one who will only be remembered for this terrible deed which you have caused!"

I could see that my words had their desired effect and I could see the glow of Justice's presence fade from Anders eyes as he stumbled back, free from his influence.

"Justice is not fully to blame. This all began when we were joined years ago. He has changed because of me, because of my hatred for the wrongs done to all mages in the name of the Maker," he explained.

"But not in this way! We could have found some other way, a better way to bring about change! If not now, then by changing the way people understand…"

"People only follow what the Chantry tells them. They're not all as open-minded as you are, Seelia, they follow blindly for fear of what will become of them for trying to change the way things have always been. Maybe now mages can see that what has always been is not the way we were meant to live and that freedom is worth fighting for," he said calmly.

"Not everyone is able to fight, Anders. There are many gentle souls in the tower right now that are fighting for their lives, who cannot remember a time outside of the circle and do not know any of way of living. They remember what it was like, being hunted relentless for possessing magic. Maybe there can be a better way, but for those that are still young and cannot defend themselves…their blood is on your hands as well," I said, walking past him towards the stairs. "I know you believed Elthina was not doing enough to make Meredith and Orsino settle their differences in a way that benefitted the mages but that does not excuse what you have done." I said softly over my shoulder.

"I know and I am content to pay for what I have done at your hand. I have known for some time that whatever happens, it would be you who would end my life and for that I am grateful," he said and walked closer to me. I stood with my back to him, looking up at the iron gates of the Gallows, worried that even now Meredith was gathering those closest to her and about to march back out.

"Meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, Seelia. Your faith in me is what has kept me going when all I wished for was oblivion. When things with Justice became unbearable, you were always there to help me through it all and for that I thank you," he continued and reached out his hand to touch my arm.

"Then why do you always force me to hurt you?" I asked and looked back at him. I walked past him back towards the others, thinking of what I should do now. I knew that I would be forced to face Meredith and that I would need to rely on his magic. "I cannot excuse what you have done here, Anders, but I will need your help. Once this is done…" I started to say and he only nodded in agreement.

"Know that I do not blame you, my love," he said softly.

"No! You cannot do that! I will not stand beside you, not while he still lives! You must choose, here and now!" Sebastian yelled and I looked towards him.

"We will need Anders if we hope to have any chance against Meredith and the other Templars," Merrill said. "Give him this chance."

"Helping will not excuse what he's done," said Aveline sternly.

"No, it doesn't but perhaps his magic will help us survived this night," I responded just as fiercely.

"I don't know if I can trust you, Blondie," Varric said, hoisting his crossbow onto his shoulder. "But I guess I have no choice."

"Once this is over, Anders, you and I are going to have a little chat," Isabela said in a low voice, holding her daggers out and gesturing to her throat.

"I don't trust him, Hawke, but I will stand beside you. Meredith must be stopped," Aveline said and nodded curtly at me.

I looked at Fenris, who looked torn. I know how he felt about mages; especially how he felt about Anders, and now I was asking him to stand beside him in a fight we might not win. It wasn't fair, the position I was putting him and as much as I wanted him to fight by my side, I would not force him to fight for those he did not wish to. I watched his face settle and he gave me a small smile. I released the breath I was holding, looking at those who would stand beside me and I turned back towards the steps to the Gallows.

"Hawke! Since you refuse to do what is right, then I leave the decision to you, Anders," said Sebastian and I could hear him pull back on his bowstring. "What will it be: your life or hers?"


	47. Chapter 47

_**This loosely follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, but not strictly. I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**This chapter is inspired by fan art recently saw at DeviantArt by Pyromaniac03. It was a great commissioned drawing with no title.**_

_**FORTY-SEVEN**_

I looked back at Sebastian slowly, raising my hands out as I turned towards him, keeping myself in-between him and Anders, making sure he did not have a clear shot at the mage.

"Sebastian," I said as I took a few small steps towards him. "Be reasonable. If we're all going to survive this, we'll need Anders. Even you must see that."

"I only see a woman who now shields a murderer, someone I once trusted to do the right thing," he said slowly, his voice still thick with the Starkhaven accent and I watched his arm tremble as he continued to hold his stance. Even fully healed, he would never have stayed this way and I could see that the energy it took to keep the string pulled back was starting to wear on his muscles. "I should have known that you would try to protect him, even if it meant doing so with your life."

"I would do the same for you or anyone else here, Sebastian, you know this," I said, keeping my steps measured and in line as I inched my way towards him.

"Would you? Time and again I have watched you protect him from the Templars. I watched as you tried to save him from himself, from the abomination that he has become. What is it about him that you refuse to let him go?" he asked.

Gone was the compassion I had often seen in his eyes, filled now only with absolute hatred, towards Anders and even towards me. Once again I wondered about this man that I had called a friend, wondered if I ever truly knew him. I lowered my hands, knowing that I nothing I could do would stop one of his deadly arrows. I saw Fenris turn to me as I lowered my arms, saw the look of desperation on his face when he realized that he would not reach either of us in time. This time he would have no choice but either watch me talk my way out of this or die trying to defend a man, no…a mage he hated more than anyone.

"Would spilling his blood finally appease you, Sebastian? Would that calm you? Or is it my blood you want?" I asked him, slowly drawing out my sword and dropping it on the ground beside me. I saw Merrill flinch at the sound of the heavy weapon hitting the ground.

"Hawke," I heard Varric drag out my name quietly. "What do you think you're doing?" I gestured to him to be silent. I could see that Isabela was unsure as she looked from Sebastian's face to mine.

"It didn't have to come to this, Seelia," he said. "Allow me to do what is right. That is all that I ask of you."

"I can't let you do that, my friend. Killing him will not change what he has done. It will not bring back the people that were in the Chantry, nor will it bring back the Grand Cleric," I said, hoping that my words would reach him, calm him enough to lower his bow but they fell on deaf ears.

"Anders!" he called out instead. "Would you truly allow her to die, protecting you? You've claimed time and again that you love her, yet you would stand back and watch her life throw away for you? You're a coward!" he spat out and to my surprise, Anders laughed.

"At least I have been honest," he said to the archer. "You stand back and claim to be her friend, hiding behind your Chantry beliefs when all this time you're been lying to everyone. _You_ love her! But because of your vows you can never have her. And because of that you've hated that she once chose me…an abomination! And then she chose Fenris…over you. She will never be the chaste bride you have always wanted her to be."

Sebastian stood quietly, not once denying what Anders said. I felt my cheeks flush as I looked briefly at his face, torn by what Anders had revealed. Yes, Isabela joked but I would never have considered it to be anything but that. His duty was first and foremost to the Chantry and to those who needed his aide and I would never have considered taking that away from him. I never considered that he might have questioned his faith, because of me.

"You have always put your faith in the Maker above all else, Sebastian. You are the coward here, not I," Anders said, his voice now closely behind me. "I will never allow you to harm her."

"No, Anders. Stay behind me," I pleaded, looking briefly away from Sebastian. That was all the time he needed, for me to take my eyes away long enough to release the arrow he had held for so long. I barely heard the gasp that escaped from Isabela, or the scream that came from Bethany as I turned back towards Sebastian. I had accepted my fate in standing up to him, knew that there was a chance he would either stand down or let loose his arrow.

I hadn't expected Anders to move so quickly in front of me, blocking me from the oncoming projectile. He didn't even have time to throw up a shield to stop it, nor did he even try. One moment he was standing behind me and the next he was standing so close in front of me that I felt his body jerk as it tore through his robes. Unlike me, he wore no protective armor and it pierced straight through his back and out his chest. I looked in his eyes when the pain set in and blood oozed from his lips.

It took me a moment to realize that the tip was embedded into my armor as well, straight into the right side of my chest as he grabbed my arms to steady himself, moving back enough that it was yanked painfully out. I cried out as we both fell heavily to our knees and I looked down as he put his hand on my wound, coughing out blood as he tried to stop my bleeding.

"No!" I cried, watching as his magic helped close the wound quickly but I could feel that he would not have enough to heal himself. I held him in my arms as he collapsed forward. "Damn you, Anders! Heal yourself!" I yelled at him, crying out at the anguish I felt as a scream was torn from my throat.

I shook him and saw the light in his eyes dim as he smiled softly to me and mouthed something softly at me. I leaned forward to hear what he was trying to tell me, wiping the tears from his eyes, ignoring the sounds of everyone running towards us. I barely looked up as Bethany kneeled beside him and attempted to heal him but I knew he was gone. I sat back, still holding the hand he had held up as he healed me and let the tears flow freely down my face. My breath shuddered as I tried to calm myself until for a moment, I felt my breath choke me and my heart felt as if it had stopped beating in my grief I now felt.

"Seelia!" I heard Bethany cry as my eyes rolled back as I teetered back and fell to my side. Cullen grabbed me before I hit the ground and Bethany, with blood covered hands, moved from Anders to me, checking the closed wound on my chest. She looked closely at my face and leaning forward to listen as I took a sudden shaky breath as my heart thudded painfully once again. I looked passed her at Merrill who had handfuls of Anders robes in her hands and watched as her body shook painfully as she leaned forward and cried.

I sat back up on my knees with the help of Bethany and Cullen. What had been moments ago a fatal wound was nothing more than a completely healed scar on my chest that you could see through the jagged hole in my armor. I looked to where I had last seen Sebastian standing and saw that Isabela had placed herself between Fenris and the archer, with Aveline holding him back as much as she could.

I got shakily up on my feet and looked one last time at the blood that pooled around Anders body and walked towards them, stopping long enough to retrieve my weapon and re-sheath it before heading towards Isabela. Fenris and Aveline turned to me as I walked past them towards the archer and he put his hand on her arm, pushing her gently aside so that I could approach him.

"Seelia, I'm…" he started to say until he looked at my face, puzzled by what he must have seen as I reached for him.

He still had his bow in his left hand and I grasped it with my right as traced my left blood covered fingers across his cheek. When he did not stop me, I jerked it towards me and back towards his face as hard as I could, feeling his nose break and watched as he fell heavily onto his back, releasing his bow as he fell.

Isabela rushed to him and knelt at his side, trying to revive him. I longed to break the bow in half, this awful thing that was used to take the life of someone I held dear until I realized that what I held was the Starkhaven bow, the one that had once belonged to his grandfather. Instead I reached for the small dagger I still carried and used the blade to cut through the bowstring.

"Hawke, what will we do now?" Aveline asked, slowly walking up to me as I dropped the offending weapon on the ground at my feet.

"We stop Meredith by any means necessary. Once that is done, we can no longer stay in Kirkwall, I'm afraid," I said and looked back at the red-headed warrior. "I won't drag you into this, Aveline. Go back to the city and find your husband. They will no doubt need their Guard-Captain more than ever now."

"No, Hawke. My duty is at your side. I will see this through or all of Kirkwall will fall beneath Meredith's rule," she said and turned as a few city-guards approached us. Donnic was one of them and I saw her nod at them.

"Then we finish this, as quickly as we can," I said and looked back up towards the Gallows.

"What do we do about the Choir boy?" Varric asked as he looked down at the downed archer. "Do we just leave him here?"

"No, we'll carry him if we have to. I admit I may have hit him harder than I intended. He'll soon wake with a busted nose and a hell of a headache, but he'll live. Once this is over, I can't guarantee past that," I said darkly as I looked down at him. "Let's hurry inside. I don't like how quiet it's been."

One of the guardsmen knelt and picked the unconscious man up, placing him over his shoulder. Isabela picked up his bow, glancing up at me to judge the mood that I was in. My face remained as it was, without emotion now that I hit Sebastian and knocked him out.

"What of Anders?" tearfully came from Merrill as I walked back to her, kneeling beside her and putting my arm around her.

"There's nothing we can do for him, Merrill. I'm sorry but we can't take him with us," I said and pulled her fingers loose from his robe. She had a few dark feathers still clutched in her hands and she looked down at them. I looked at the closest wall and spotted the cloth tapestry within easy reach. I walked over to it and tore it down, dragging over the long fabric and draping it across his still body. I stood beside her and helped her up.

"I can't guarantee it is a fitting thing to use, but it will do for now. Once this is done we can properly deal with him," I said and hugged her. I looked at everyone else before letting her go and we slowly made our way to the steps leading into the circle tower.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Warning: In following the story, you know where this is going but I have made my own changes and changed things to fit my story.**_

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**This chapter was inspired by fan art called It Should Have Been You by WBrooks.**_

_**FORTY-EIGHT**_

_Have I ever felt this numb? _I asked myself.

"How is she?" Isabela asked, looking back at a silent and tearful Merrill.

"How do you think, Isabela?" I replied and sighed, waiting for her to catch up to me on the stairs.

I walked beside Merrill as we climbed the stairs towards the Gallows entrance. I stopped when I noticed she was no longer at my side and instead was looking back at the draped form lying on the ground. I reached out and touched her arm and she looked back at me sadly.

"I can still save him, Hawke," she said softly and looked back.

I motioned for the rest to go on without us and turned back to Merrill, tightening my grip on her arm. "No, Merrill. Blood magic is not the answer. It wouldn't really be Anders," I told her sternly. "Only a powerful spirit healer could have helped him."

"I've never wished ill of anyone until now," she said and looked up at me through tear soaked lashes. "I want to kill Sebastian!" I looked down at her hands, still holding the feathers she had pulled from Anders robes and I sighed again.

"I can't let you do that, Merrill. There's been too much blood spilt already. Know that he will have to make peace with the Maker for killing Anders," I said and watched as she released the feathers finally.

"The Maker? What good would that do? I don't believe in the blighted Maker, Hawke! This shouldn't have happened! Anders was a better man than Sebastian and now he's dead!" she yelled and I flinched.

"I will go to my grave knowing he gave his life for me and for that I'm sorry. If you have to hate someone, hate me," I said softly. "It should be me lying there, not Anders."

"We both know he would never allow that," she said sorrowfully. "I know…he never felt the same way that I did. I was happy believing that he did even when I could see he still loved you."

"I'm sorry, Merrill. I had hoped he would have move on once I married Fenris," I said. _In my heart, I had known he never would._ I would not admit this out loud to her but it was something we both knew to be true.

"I will never forget him," she said softly and I watched as her eyes hardened. "But this isn't the time to mourn. We need to stop Meredith. It's what he would have wanted us to do."

"I agree."

We continued up the stairs into the Gallows. I looked around the Grand Hall and was shocked at what I saw. The various tapestries were burning and there were bodies and blood on the stairs from the mages who tried to run away from the Templars who were following Meredith's decree. I could see scorch marks on the armor of a few fallen Templars but at first glance I could see that most of the still forms were those of mages.

I watched as Bethany ran to check a few before Cullen pulled her away from the bodies. There was nothing that could be done for them. We heard a yell from farther in and realized it was from the First Enchanter. Bethany and Cullen led the way to a small chamber and found Orsino on his knees, holding the body of a young girl, her robes stained by her blood. I looked around the chamber and realized that all the bodies there were that of young mages, ones that would not have been able to defend themselves and could feel something inside me shift.

"She was the newest mage to the tower," said Cullen and Orsino turned to him.

"Her name…was Alessa. She arrived yesterday and I had to convince her that she would be safe here," he said, laying her carefully down and slowly stood. I saw the deep hatred in his eyes and moved to stand in front of Cullen, who looked away in shame at Orsino's words.

"Where is Meredith now?" I asked, waiting until he looked away from Cullen and turned his attention to me.

"I lost sight of her as they advanced further into the Gallows. A few of the others have locked themselves in their dormitories and surprisingly, there are Templars in there as well, protecting them," he said and walked passed us, back towards the main hall. "Even with what that mage did to the Chantry, I fear the outcome would have been the same. She was determined to find something to use against the mages of this tower and Grace gave it to her."

"This isn't just about Grace, Orsino. Meredith could see that she was losing control of the Templars as well," said Cullen and I turned to him. "When we returned, she ordered that Sampson be locked in the dungeons. If he isn't freed, he will soon go insane from lyrium withdrawal."

"I care nothing about your ex-Templar! Look around! Those were innocent children, not Blood mages, that your damnable Knight-Commander slaughtered! How can you justify this?" Orsino yelled, lunging towards Cullen but I pulled him back. I felt his arm snake around me and saw that he had taken my small knife from its sheath at the small of my back.

"Orsino, what are you…" I started to ask and he cut me off.

"If she wants proof of Blood magic here in the circle, Champion, then I shall give it to her!" he said, staring intently at the sharp blade.

"No!" yelled Bethany. "This isn't the way! We taught them never to turn to Blood magic! To do so now would dishonor their memory."

"She's right, First Enchanter. I know how easy it is to give in to Blood magic," said Merrill bitterly. "I even believed that it with the best intentions. But it never solves anything. You are a good man and a strong mage. Do not do this. Once it is done, it cannot be undone."

He turned to her with the knife poised over his wrist, gesturing around at the rest if the Grand Hall. "Look around you. You cannot expect me to do nothing while Meredith continues to kill every mage in this tower. If you will not help me, then let me do this."

"I will not stand by and watch you become an abomination, Orsino," I said steadily as I advanced towards him.

He turned towards me and in one swift move, slit his wrist. I watched the blood flow and I could feel the difference in the darker magic he was now tapping into as I rushed towards him, grabbing the knife and turning it upwards to pierce his heart. He looked at me as his body jerked at the impact of the blade between us and he finally dropped his staff.

"Seelia!" yelled Bethany, as I moved away from the First Enchanter, pulling the bloody blade out of his body and he slid to the floor.

"It's done," I said, flicking my wrist to remove the excess blood before wiping it and putting it back in its sheath. I turned and looked at her face then back down at the man she had once admired. "It had to be done, Bethany. I'm sorry," I apologized and moved away from him.

"We need to find Meredith now, Hawke," said Aveline and I nodded to her.

"Split up and look for survivors. With any luck she hasn't broken into the dorms that he mentioned," I said and walked to one of the doors leading to a separate area of the tower, never once looking back to see who followed me as I took out my sword and prepared for the worst.


	49. Chapter 49

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**~I did not mean to leave out my poor beloved Fenris. I knew I would need to address a few things and left it for this chapter, much like it is before you face Meredith when you say your last words to each other.**_

_**This chapter was inspired by fan art called "Before the end" by Silentkyrie at DeviantArt.**_

_**FORTY-NINE**_

"If you encounter any other mages that are trapped, we need to try to get them out," I said and gestured to Merrill. "Point them towards the passage in the graveyard. The way you got in once," I said and she nodded.

I opened the door and stared down the hallway, counting the rooms that stretched further than I last remembered. I strode further and stopped at the first door, turning to see that Aveline, Fenris and Donnic had followed me.

"Search the other rooms. If we each take a room this can go much faster," I said and walked inside. I stood in the middle of the room, taking a deep breath and jumped slightly when I heard the door close softly behind me.

"How are you doing, Hawke?" Aveline asked from the doorway.

"How do you think I'm doing? When have you ever seen so much death in one place, Aveline? There were stories about what happened at the tower in Ferelden," I said and looked at her over my shoulder. "I don't know if this even comes close."

"Do you expect to find abominations roaming freely?" she asked.

"You weren't there when Thrask's daughter Olivia was cornered," I said and crossed my arms across my abdomen. "She was so scared, just like these mages surely will be if Meredith finds them. It was horrible, seeing her lose hope and give in."

She stayed silent, thinking about what I told her as I turned to look at the tall woman. "But that isn't what you wanted to know, is it?" I asked and saw her facial expression soften.

"No, that wasn't what I was asking," she answered and took a few steps towards me. "How are you…I mean, about Anders?"

"I think shocked is an understatement. And I know you're bound to ask but the answer is no, I didn't know what he was planning," I said and looked away from her. "If I did I would have stopped him."

"I meant…how are you doing, _really_?" she asked and walked closer to me, putting her hand on my elbow.

"Numb. I don't feel _anything_ and I know I should feel something," I said and I bit my lip. "I think I've been preparing myself for the day I would lose him for a long time now. I just didn't know it would be like this."

"You know we're all here for you," she said and tightened her grip slightly on my arm. "Most importantly, your husband is worried about you."

"I don't need you to point out how my reaction to all of this is confusing to Fenris, Aveline. If I could lie about how I felt I wouldn't need to harden my heart and hope that by the time this all ends it won't be," I said softly.

"You need to speak to him and soon, Hawke. We've always known that Anders would always be a part of your life and I think after he saved you, Fenris tried so hard to make peace with it," she said and sighed. "He's a good man, who loves you more than life itself and he needs to know that you are alright."

I smiled at her, careful that she did not notice that it was forced. "I know all I ever do is worry him. Why he would want to stay with someone who only seems to bring him trouble is beyond me and I know I am lucky to have him," I said and hugged her briefly.

"What will we do once this is all over?" she asked, clearing her throat, embarrassed about our conversation.

"I'll wager that Kirkwall may be in need of a new Guard-Captain once this is all over," I joked. "If we get through this we'll no longer be welcome here. I hope you know this, Aveline."

"I could never live with myself if you did this alone, Hawke. We came to Kirkwall together, made new lives for ourselves that we could be proud of and I'll be damned if I watch you leave without helping you," she said and I turned to her once again.

"Then let's hurry and get this done," I said and moved past her towards the door. I stopped when I came face to face with Fenris.

"We'll move on to the other rooms," Aveline said and gestured to Donnic to leave us alone.

I waited until they walked further down to other rooms and left us alone in the hallway before I turned back to him. I reached out my hand to him and he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight as I took a deep shuddering breath. I could feel his fingers running through my hair and I moved back from him so he could look at my face, which I kept calm and blank.

"I won't pretend that I understand how you're feeling, my love," he said and brushed a few stray strands off my face. "I tried…I had hoped that we were happy together…" he started to say and I placed my fingers on his mouth.

"How can you say that? How can you doubt…" I looked up into his eyes and grabbed his hands. "I can't help the way I feel, Fenris. You knew that Anders would always be a part of my life," I tried to explain. "But that does not mean I would change my life in any way. I chose you and I would give my life for you!"

"And yet you almost died to save Anders! You are not immortal, Seelia, you bleed just as easily as the rest of us!" I placed my forehead on his cold armor, feeling that he was shaking slightly and I looked back up at him again.

"He gave his life to save me, Fenris. He could have easily saved himself but he chose to save me. I can only repay him by finishing what he started," I said. "But once this is done, I swear you will never need to worry about me again. We will make a new life, away from Kirkwall where I will no longer be Champion. Only a simple wife and hopefully, mother."

"I will hold you to that," he said and gave me a small smile. I leaned into him and put my arms around his neck to kiss him.


	50. Chapter 50

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**FIFTY**_

"Do not ever doubt that I love you," I told Fenris, kissing his lips softly once again before I noticed Aveline and Donnic returning from the other side of the hall. They had quickly and quietly checked the remaining rooms while we spoke and for that I was grateful.

"This side is empty, Hawke," Aveline said as the door that led to the Grand Hall opened and one of the city-guards jogged towards us.

"Guard-Captain, we spotted Meredith and a group of Templars outside in the courtyard. She appears to be regrouping," said the guard.

"Did she see you?" she asked him.

"No, Guard-Captain. We remained hidden while protecting the Chantry archer," he said and she turned back to me.

"Well I suppose we shouldn't keep her waiting any longer," I told them and walked back out to the hall as Isabela, Merrill and Bethany were exiting through the other hallway, followed by a group of mages and Templars. I looked to a different doorway to see Cullen and Varric helping a dazed Sampson and we all met them at the bottom of the stair case.

"Is this all that remains of the Circle mages?" I asked Bethany and she nodded sadly. There were a few young apprentices and even fewer Senior Enchanters. I turned to Merrill once again. "Take them to the passage that leads out of the Gallows. Only you and Anders knew of it and Varric often told me that you knew various secret paths in and out of the city," I told her, taking her hand to cut her off before she could interrupt me. "Finish what Anders started, Merrill. Save these mages by getting them as far away from the Tower for now. We can decide what we'll do once this is done."

"I can't leave now, Hawke. Please don't make me go!" Merrill pleaded.

"You're the only one who knows how to get away without being seen. Please, you know I would not ask you to do this otherwise," I said and pointed to the young mages. "They will not survive should we lose against Meredith."

She looked away briefly before looking back up at me. "I will get them out safely," she promised finally. She turned back to the mages and gestured that they should follow her. They looked at the Templars for guidance and Cullen looked to me. I nodded and the younger ones followed her but one of the Senior Enchanters stepped forward instead.

"And where will we go? This circle is our home! We must stay and defend it," he said.

"Have you not seen enough death here in the tower, Ser Mage? I am about to confront Meredith and who knows how many Templars. I will not be responsible for your lives as well. My companions can and have defended themselves against countless men, beasts, and demons," I said, gesturing to my friends. "Can all of you say the same? Will you risk their lives?"

He turned and looked at the terrified faces of the young apprentices and finally walked towards them. While I admired his willingness to stay and fight, I did not wish to see the last of the tower fall because of a few untrained mages. Nor did I wish to see anymore give themselves over to demons as a last resort.

I turned and looked at my companions as well. "I would give anything to change the outcome of this day but we are here and we all have a part to play," I said and turned to Cullen. "I can only hope that there may be more men loyal to you out there, Cullen. I do not want to fight Templars if I can avoid it. If we can convince more to our cause then perhaps Meredith will see reason and stand down."

"Meredith is beyond reason, Champion. She accuses even her own of siding with Blood mages…" Sampson started to say and I cut him off, striding towards him.

"You were not a Templar the last time I saw you on the Wounded Coast, Sampson. Either side with us to save the tower or face me here and now, it's your choice. It makes no difference to me," I said, putting my hand on the hilt of my sword. It was plain to see that it was not something I would stand around discussing. He needed to choose.

"Once, I would have laughed at your suggestion but I know what I have become and I have no chance against you. I will defend these _mages_," he said roughly.

"Smart choice," Isabela said as she handed him a sword from one of the fallen Templars.

I turned to the rest of the Templars who had barricaded themselves in to protect the mages from Meredith. "What about the rest of you? Why did you protect the mages, instead of following Meredith decree?" I asked.

"Something has changed the Knight-Commander greatly. One cannot defy her and expect to remain within the ranks but what she asks is too much. We would not allow her to simply slaughter children," one young Templar spoke up.

"There will be others out there that you will know, men who have fought with you and beside you. They stand beside her and will strike you down simply for not following her orders," I reminded them. "This cannot be allowed to continue. You heard the mages who remained. This is their home as well as it is yours. Will you stay and fight for it?"

They stood and crossed their arms across their chest.

"It seems we might stand a chance after all, Hawke," said Varric.

"I truly hope so, my friend," I said and turned to my friends. I could see the resolve in their eyes and knew that regardless of how we all got here, they would not want to be anywhere else. I could feel Fenris' and rest on my back and I leaned against him.

_Perhaps this will be our last great adventure_ _together_, I said to myself, chuckling and feeling more than a little sad that there was one important person missing from our group.

_Until we meet again_, I thought.


	51. Chapter 51

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**FIFTY-ONE**_

_And so it comes to this_, I thought while slowly walking down the steps that led to the courtyard to find Meredith surrounded by Templars. I was surprised to find Elsa, her Tranquil assistant, was standing among them awkwardly holding a sword in her hands.

"It did not need to be this way, Champion, but in foolishly choosing to side with the mages you will share their fate. May the Maker have mercy on you," Meredith said as we approached them. I could see the men around her whispering to each other when they noticed that Cullen stood with us instead of the Knight-Commander.

"The only fool here is you, Meredith. Perhaps if you had treated the mages with respect and not like caged animals, things would never have gotten out of hand. Perhaps you wished they were all as obedient as Elsa, who does not question your madness," I replied, pointing the female Tranquil.

"Champion, I would not provoke me on matters that do not concern you in the least. As Knight-Commander of Kirkwall, I have every right…" she started to say but I interrupted her.

"And as Champion, I think this does concern me. Did you think I would allow you to simply execute my sister? Over something she had no control over?" I asked loudly, crossing my arms across my chest. "I think not."

"Then do you never wonder if she is truly strong enough to resist temptation, if perhaps one day she will become an abomination?" she asked and I glanced at Bethany, who took her place at my side.

"Never! Our father taught her to use her magic wisely," I replied.

"I had had rumors that your father was an apostate as well. How he had remained undetected for so long is something I plan on discovering once this is over. His name will set a new standard amongst the Templars…as will yours," she threatened.

"Say what you like, but only one of us will leave here and I'm beginning to see the odds tipping in my favor," I taunted as I noticed more of the Templars take a few steps away from her.

Instead she looked past me to Cullen, who stood quietly, looking sadly back at her. "Never in all my years would I have suspected you to betray me, Cullen," she said, spitting out his name. "I brought you here from that tower, knowing you felt the same way about them as I do and here you stand before me, a traitor. And yet, I give you one last chance to stand beside me or join them in death."

Cullen looked at me briefly before answering. "I have stood beside you in many things, Knight-Commander, but in this I cannot."

I watched as her eyes hardened. "Then you are a fool and a disgrace to the Order! I see now that I should have left you to rot in that tower of abominations!"

"Perhaps you should have. The mages there fought to rid the tower of the abominations and now live peacefully with the Templars, as they should," he replied.

"I will not stand here and let you lecture me," she said and grasped the handle of her sword.

I tilted my head. I felt a strange sensation when her hand came in contact with the hilt, as if it came alive, responding to her like no other weapon I had ever come in contact with before. It felt almost electrical and I could hear it almost calling out to me. It was a feeling that Anders had once described to me…

_It's lyrium! _I was unsure how I knew it, but I knew what I was feeling.

"I see you recognize this," she said, caressing the length of the blade. "Although its shape has now been changed to something much more useful to me. Especially against mages," she said and smiled cruelly.

"I am no mage, Meredith. Such a sword will not affect my ability to fight you," I said as I drew my own sword. I heard the sounds of many more blades being drawn as I stood with my blade ready.

"But what about your _dear_ sister, Champion?"

"You will never touch her," I said confidently. "Even with that tainted sword. The last man who owned it was driven mad. I see now that must be what changed you."

I waited to see if my words had any effect on her, noticing that more of the Templars looked at each other, having seen the drastic changes in her first hand but she did not waiver.

"Then he was a weak minded fool," was all she said and I saw Varric flinch at her words, tightening his grasp on Bianca.

"Perhaps it was his greed that led to his madness but it is your hatred that has led to yours," I responded. "Look around you, Meredith. The Templars see that what I say is true. Will you fight them as well or will you stop this madness?"

She looked at the Templars around her and could see the uncertainty in their eyes. "You're all fools! Look how easily you turn against me, against the Order!" she yelled, swinging her blade at the few that tried to approach her. "What I do here is in service to Andraste and to the Maker!" she yelled as most of the Templars moved towards us.

I stepped in front of Bethany, letting Cullen pull her to the back ranks, well away from Meredith. Soon Fenris was at my right side, with Aveline standing to my left. I watched as a few Templars again tried to approach Meredith and she turned on them, running each of them through and turning back to us.

"She's somehow drawing power from her weapon," observed Fenris.

"The power in the lyrium is tainted," I reminded him. "As with anything impure, it will be her weakness."

"I hope you're right," Aveline said, hefting her shield and watching the Knight-Commander wearily.

_**~Sorry for the short chapter here. Still a little sick here and trying to word this last fight properly. I really do not want to describe the ridiculously long fight at the end so don't expect to read that in the next chapters!**_


	52. Chapter 52

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**~Sorry this took a few days to upload. I've been trying to make the effort to get better faster to finish and decided I needed a few more days rest. **_

_**This chapter consists of my crazy storyline, so don't expect the insane statues coming to life! Enjoy!**_

_**FIFTY-TWO**_

_I should have known she was only stalling_, I said to myself as more of the older guard, those whose loyalty to Meredith was unquestionable, joined her at last.

"Well, at least now it should be interesting," joked Fenris and I looked at him, smirking at his comment.

"I doubt Meredith needs their help. The power she draws from the sword alone is enough to give me pause," I said and looked at him. "I don't need to point out that she will come after you and Bethany. _Please_, be careful."

"I do not plan on dying today, my love," he said as he smiled once again.

_Dear Maker, please let that be true._ I thought to myself as I tightened my grip on the hilt of my sword and waited for Meredith to make the first move. My first concern was getting Elsa out of harm's way. I looked over at Aveline and saw that she shared my concern about the Tranquil woman. I noticed Varric moving into position to remove her as quickly as possible and was relieved.

It was only the smallest of movements that gave Meredith away. She ran towards me and swung her sword, her strikes precise, and I could see sparks as our swords connected. She turned to Aveline, who tried to get behind her, kicking back and catching the warrior in the abdomen. Aveline staggered back, her large shield covering her as she struggled to catch her breath. Meredith then reached back and hit me with the pommel of her sword and shoved me hard back towards a group of Templars who were fighting, trying to head towards Bethany. I turned and struck out at the nearest Templar, kicking his knee as hard as I could, feeling it break and knocking him off his feet. I ducked as another swung his shield at me, ducking under his wild swing and elbowing him in the face, breaking his nose.

I heard Aveline cry out and I turned back. I made my way back to her side, watching as Donnic was shielding her from Templars who tried to reach the downed woman. I helped her to her feet and swung out at the remaining Templars, running one through and kicking another away as he was struck down by a familiar bolt. I looked back quickly to see Varric firing as quickly as he could reload Bianca.

"I hate to admit this, Hawke," Aveline said, griping her sword tighter. "I wish Anders were with us. His magic would certainly be welcome about now," she said and winced, holding her bruised side.

"How bad are you, Aveline?" I asked.

"I can still fight, don't worry about me," she reassured me. I could see Bethany make her way towards us with Cullen and watched as she placed her hands on Aveline's side. I turned back and watched as Fenris was trading blows with Meredith, glad that he was able to avoid her swings, which were getting wilder and wilder.

I watched as his sword caught her and she staggered back…then watched in horror as she swung back at him. I felt my breath catch, knowing I could not reach him in time when I heard a voice cry out from the stairs behind us. I turned back as an electrical bolt hit Meredith square in the chest and she went flying back, away from Fenris into a nearby pillar. I could see that he had taken the impact of her swing on his left arm and I knew that it was broken. I looked up and watched as Merrill and a few of the senior enchanters raced down the steps towards us.

"I thought I ordered you to get the mages out of here!" I questioned the small elf when she reached us. I hugged her and lifted her off her feet; despite my harsh tone I had never been happier to see her.

"I couldn't bring myself to leave," she said and turned to the other mages. "And they refused to leave you to fight alone."

I looked at the elder mage who had stepped forward earlier and nodded to him. "If anyone knows healing magic, it would be more than welcome. Defend yourselves as best as you can but stay behind the others," I ordered and turned when I saw Meredith regain her feet. I watched as one of the mages ran towards Fenris to move him away and to heal his injured left arm.

I made my way back to her, fending off a few Templars who tried to stop me until I stood before her once more. I could see the burn mark on her armor where the bolt hit and watched as blood trickled out of her ear and mouth.

"Once again…you rely on the help of mages," she spat out. "What more will it take to make you see that they will turn on you? Believe me when I say, they cannot be trusted!"

"What made you, Meredith? What happened that turned you this way?" I questioned. I could see her eyes relax briefly but did not lower my defenses. I waited.

"It was my sister," she admitted and I could not help but feel surprised at her answer. "She developed abilities early and my family tried to hide her from the Templars. It was a foolish thing to do, to harbor a mage but they would not give her up."

"Then why…"

"She could not control her abilities and was possessed by a demon," she sneered and once again I watched as her eyes hardened. "My parents thought they were doing the right thing by ignoring what she was and keeping her safe from the Tower. If only they knew that she would so easily give into a demon and become an abomination! They're all weak! The sooner you realize that…"

"I'm sorry for your sister, Meredith, but you cannot expect the same to happen to all mages," I told her and saw the hatred rekindle in her eyes. In them, I could feel the pull of the lyrium sword that she relied heavily upon. I could feel it's taint course through her, corrupting her very flesh.

"Do not pity me, Champion," she raged. "I've seen it happen with my own eyes and it made me realize what they truly are. They can never to be trusted and I must be ever vigilant for their corruption!"

She rushed towards me once again and I blocked her wild swings, my arms going numb from the impacts and was unaware that she was forcing me to step backwards, drawing her closer to Bethany until it was too late. She turned to block a sword that came out from behind her and I noticed Sampson stagger back away from her, dropping his sword as he clutched his bloody side.

She turned to me again and swung wildly at me, hitting me with the flat side of her weapon, with enough force to cause me to fall and catch myself on my hands and knees. She could have easily killed me and I wondered why she let me live when I looked up to see she had turned to make her way to Bethany, a smile of victory plastered on her face.

"Bethany! Look out!" I yelled out, struggling to regain my feet. I got up and watched as she ran towards my sister, who was in the process of healing Donnic and was unaware of how close the Knight-Commander now was to her until I had yelled out. I watched her blade descend towards Bethany as I finally regained my feet and took a few steps forward.

Only it was Elsa who stepped in front of Bethany, pushing her out of the way at the last moment. I heard someone softly call my name and I looked down at Sampson, who was holding out his sword to me and I took it. I turned again to look at the lifeless body of the Tranquil woman who had saved my sister and felt something inside me _snap_.

I watched as Meredith stepped away and tried to locate Bethany once again, but by then Cullen had pulled her towards the city-guards and Isabela, who were protecting Sebastian. She turned back and saw that I was once again on my feet, now holding two swords as I advanced towards her, determined that she would pay.

She looked into my face and for the first time, looked concerned as I struck out at her, causing her to move further away from Bethany. I could now visibly see and feel her rage as she struck back at me and I realized that the lyrium was starting to fuse with her body. I could feel the channels course through her arms as she drew more and more power, but instead of helping her, it was starting to slow her down.

She paused and glared at me, blood running from various cuts down her arms as she struggled to breath. "What…are you?" she yelled, swinging out at me again. Sampson's blade broke and I dropped it, instead holding out my own sword towards her.

"I am what you should have feared, Meredith. I have vowed that you should pay for each death you have cause here. I am finishing what was started here," I replied simply.

She yelled once again as she struck out at me and staggered back, this time yelling in pain as she tried to draw once more from the blade and instead it shattered.

"What…have…you…done?" she yelled as she started to spasm.

"This is not my doing, Meredith. It is what you have done to yourself," I explained as I watched as she staggered back, her body glow as the lyrium spread throughout her body. I waited until her was no longer able to scream.

I watched as one of the Templars ran to her and turned to look at me, staggering away. I watched at Bethany slowly approached me, and also shrank back. Instead I calmly looked back up at the tower and at the remaining mages before I looked back at everyone else.

"Seelia," Bethany whispered and I turned slowly to her. "Is that you?"

"No."


	53. Chapter 53

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**~ This is just my continued craziness…**_

_**FIFTY-THREE**_

Once Meredith was defeated, we stood stunned at what she had become; exhausted by the sheen effort it had taken us all to stop her. No, we were only a small part of what made her give into the tainted lyrium sword she had, merging with it until she was no longer human. We watched in horror as she solidified before our eyes.

We stood surrounded by the remaining Templars, with the Knight-Captain Cullen all that remained of their chain of command. He looked at us and at Meredith once more before sheathing his sword, allowing us to leave. He had seen what the sword had done to her and he knew that something had changed in me.

I stood still, watching their every move, waiting for the opportunity to strike and be done with all of them but instead felt a hand tugging at my arm. I turned and looked at Bethany, who flinched when she saw my eyes, but did not loosen her grip on my arm, pulling me to the stairs that lead to the dock. Aveline walked beside her husband, who carried the unconscious body of the Chantry archer Sebastian. The rest of our group soon followed and I was impressed that they had all survived, though they were badly hurt and would not have lasted another fight with the Templars.

We briefly returned to the city, staying only long enough to retrieve what we could from the Hanged Man, knowing it was highly doubtful that Hightown would be safe. We made it to the docks where Isabela had her ship ready and was pleasantly surprised to see Bodahn, his son Sandal and Orana waiting for us. The mabari held the kitten Emilia gently by the back of her neck. Her brother Remi now lay at my feet, mourning the loss of his companion.

We cast off as quickly as possible, wanting nothing more than to put distance between ourselves and the city we left in chaos. Everyone stood and looked uneasily at me as I stood watching the fires in Kirkwall. None could bear to look but I felt it was duty to watch until there was little to see.

Later that evening Sebastian finally joined us and seeing Fenris by my side, he walked up to him and tried to pull him back.

"That is no longer your wife, Fenris. Justice is now with her," he said as Fenris shrugged his hand off.

"That would not be the case if you had not killed Anders, Sebastian. I need to believe there is a way to bring her back!" he shouted as Sebastian tried unsuccessfully to move him. "Bethany?" he called in a strained voice.

"I have tried to, Fenris, but all I can feel left of her is her hatred and her sorrow. If she is there, she has retreated so far into herself that even I cannot reach. I don't know how this happened. I'm sorry but only Anders could have known how to deal with this," she said sadly, watching his head fall to his chest. I looked at his defeated face and at the faces surrounding me, seeing the loss he felt along with their own.

"Merrill?" he called softly, holding out his last bit of hope towards her.

"I'm sorry Fenris, but what Bethany says is true. I feel that she's still in there but I don't know how to reverse this," Merrill said, looking away from his grief as he fell to his knees.

"The Hawke you knew is still here," I heard myself say. "And she is not alone. The arrow that pierced him would have killed her as well. With his last bit of magic, the mage chose to save her life instead of his own. In doing so, I was able to complete my joining with her," I said to all who stood before me.

"There was a part if you inside her all this time?" Sebastian asked, and realized what it meant. "It was you she felt!"

"What are you talking about, Sebastian?" Fenris demanded.

"Seelia came to me, fearing that she was losing her mind. She was too ashamed to tell you," he said softly. "It was you who made her go to Anders that night, wasn't it, Justice?" he asked in a louder voice.

"The mage knew that he could not be with her if he were tied to me. Their joining would have given me a vessel to be born into but he saw through my plan and gave the elf something to prevent her being with child. The mage hoped that he could suppress my joining with her with the teas he made the elf give her and it might have worked," I said. "Except she never drank the last one, did she?"

I could see all the emotions flash upon Fenris' face as he took in what I said. Before anyone could stop him he had grabbed his sword and was standing in front of me with the weapon, his face twisted in fury, blade held up to my throat.

"I will kill you for this!" he yelled.

"Fenris stop! You will only kill Seelia as well!" Sebastian yelled.

"Do you wish to kill your wife for something I made her do, elf? Is your rage that great that you would strike her down?" I asked.

"I would rather she die by my hand that live with you pulling her strings, Justice!" he said and I grabbed the blade he held. I could see he was torn as he watched the blood run down it as I moved it back from me. I looked at his face and felt something in me stir; something that caused a tear that fell unbidden down my face. With my free hand I wiped it and brought it up to look at.

"How very curious," I said, looking at the drop in my hand before looking at him once again. "It seems she has not completely given into her hatred after all. There is something in her that calls out to you, elf," I said and removed my hand from the blade as he lowered it. I moved back and looked around me, thinking that perhaps now would be the best time to find out what would truly happen to me. "There may be a way to restore her, but I warn you. I am what sustains her at the moment. If she does not choose to return, she will die. I cannot bring her back after that. Is that what you wish to do?" I asked him.

He dropped his sword and walked towards me. "Even if it meant giving up my life, I would do it to save her," he said and I could see the truth in his words.

"Curious how you both feel that way over this woman," I said and looked to the rest of her companions. "Is that the case for you all?" I asked.

"Yes," said the elf Merrill without hesitation. I looked at the rest and they all agreed.

"And you, Ser Archer? The Prince who almost killed this woman, do you love her still? Would you do anything to bring her back?" I asked Sebastian and he nodded.

"They have nothing to do with her, Justice. If there is a bargain to be made then I will make it. I will have none of them put themselves at risk for her. She is mine to fight for," he demanded, coming closer to me.

"Do not worry, elf. I merely wished to see that she was needed. I do not know what it will take to bring her back but perhaps your love for her will be enough," I said, stepping closer to him. "Now embrace me and search for her. But if she chooses not to come back, her death will mean yours as well. It is as simple as that," I said.

Without hesitation he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me.


	54. Chapter 54

_**This **__**loosely**__** follows some of BioWare's DA2 story line using the characters, locations and some backstories, **__**but not strictly.**__** I have rated this M for mature for blood, strong language and sexual content. All comments are welcome. Thank you!**_

_**Part of this chapter was inspired by fan art called "A Reason to Fight for" by Fabikitsune at DeviantArt. The last past is inspired by fan art called "For a while" by Liw6, also at DeviantArt. **_

_**FIFTY-FOUR**_

It was quiet now. The child in my arms lay sleeping and I held him close to me, brushing my fingers through his hair before I gently placed him down and moved away to the man that was standing beside me.

"He would have been so beautiful, Seelia," he said as he took my hand.

"He looks just like you. I never thought I could love anyone half as much as I do. Seeing him now, I marvel that he is so perfect, so small and gentle. My only wish is to see him grow into a good man, as you are," I said and smiled. I frowned at the sad look that crossed his face, looking past me briefly as he grabbed my chin to kiss me softly.

"I would have given anything to see that come true, Seelia. But this is just a dream that I have held onto for so long that it is all that I have left. It is the life that we never lived," he said, pressing his face to mine.

"Anders, what are you saying? This isn't a dream. This is real!" I said as I pushed back from him.

"No, my love, this is," he said and stepped back. I looked around me as the room faded and once again I was in the Gallows courtyard. His body lay at my feet and I fell to my knees beside him as sobs racked my body and I screamed out again. I could still hear his voice, his last words to me.

I sat there until I heard the uncertain step of someone behind me and was surprised to see that it was Fenris. I looked down when I felt a sudden throb in my chest and I looked up again at him in confusion. I put my hand over my heart, trying to assess this new pain that I suddenly felt.

"Fenris," I gasped as the pain intensified. "How did you get here?"

"I came for you, my love. I came to bring you back to me," he said as he slowly approached me.

"I'm afraid I cannot go back this time," I said and showed him my bloody hand. "You see, I died. The arrow that pierced Anders is still inside me. I can feel it even now," I said and slumped to the side. He rushed to my side and caught me before I fell.

"I will not lose you again, Seelia. You must fight this or I will follow you into the Void itself to bring you back," he swore and I looked at him as his tears fell on my cheek.

"My husband… you're always trying to save me," I whispered sadly and coughed up blood. I reached up and touched his face.

"No, Seelia. You did not die," a voice said and I turned to it. "Do you not remember?"

"I did die, Anders," I insisted.

"Seelia?" Fenris asked but I was looking past him. He looked over his shoulder and it was obvious he did not see Anders standing there beside him.

"I used the last of my magic to save you, my love. I could not let you suffer for what I did," he said sadly. "Only in doing so I created a way for Justice to bond with you. My death released him, not back to the Fade as I had hoped, but to you using the connection my magic created when I saved your life with Fenris' help. I tried to stop him and he made me believe that he had given up his plans for you. While you were gone I convinced myself that he was done with you, but it was your distance from me that kept him at bay within me."

"So I am Justice now, as you once were?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yes. It was your rage over my death that gave him the opportunity to bond with you unnoticed. But he is giving you this chance to take back your life, something I could never accomplish because of my own anger. If only I could have let it go sooner, I might have found the way to let Justice go back to the Fade," he said, kneeling close to me. I felt myself slowly fading, felt Fenris tighten his grip on me to keep me with him.

"And what way is that, if not death?" I asked him as he put his hands over my heart.

"Love, Seelia. It is because you loved me and your love for Fenris that is causing Justice to lose his grip on you," he said and gave Fenris a sad smile. "I hated him for so long, because he could be for you what I could not, not while tied to Justice. But he has risked losing his own life to come for you because he loves you as I had loved you. Go back with him, Seelia, and live your life," he said and I could feel the warmth of his magic once more. The pain in my chest subsided and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What will happen to you now?" I asked him.

"I will always be here for you, Seelia, watching out for you. Tell Fenris he is a very lucky man to have won your heart," he said and got up again. I watched him slowly fade and turned back to Fenris, blinking back tears.

"Anders healed me, one last time," I said and gave him a weak smile.

"I felt his magic even if I could not see him here," he said and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I would not have believed it if I had not seen it happening. Is he still here?"

"He's gone Fenris. I think he can find peace finally, now that Justice is no longer with him to twist his anger," I said and looked at him. "He was a good man, Fenris, with a noble plan that Justice used against him. He wanted me to tell you…"

"I know," he said and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and was happy to be in his arms once again, knowing all that he came here to find me.

I felt, rather than saw Justice appear beside us and we quickly stood to face him. He stood still before us and it was strange to see the man who had ruled over Anders life for so long. He wore full armor and I must admit that the feeling I got from him was different than when he was bonded with Anders. Perhaps this is what Justice really was.

"You have found her and convinced her to return with you, elf," he said, gesturing to a now open doorway behind us. I looked closer at him as Fenris pulled at me to leave without question.

"I find it odd that you appear before me wearing _Templar_ armor, Justice. Did it not seem strange to bond with a mage?" I could not stop myself from asking.

"The need for justice is in us all, be it Templar or mage. I have seen through his eyes that the world needs change and I tried to guide his hand to bring it about. I did not know that it would turn out as such. He chose death by your hand and you could not give that to him. In the end he chose to save your life instead of his own," said Justice.

"No, I could not grant him the death he desired. But it was you who caused this, Justice, not Anders. He was content at freedom for himself and you turned that into something he could never dream to accomplish on such a small scale. And now mages throughout Thedas will be hunted or made Tranquil because of what you have done here. I don't think he would have wanted to be remembered as such," I said.

"And what will you do now, Hawke? Turn your back on what he started or continue with the lie?" he asked.

"I will continue to help those who need me, Justice. I will see that no mage is harmed because of your actions."

"Then perhaps some good will come of all this," he said.

"I very much doubt Anders would agree with you," I said and walked away from him towards the doorway. One moment I was leaving the Gallows and the next I was lying on the floor of a ship, looking up Fenris who still had tears on his face.

"Don't ever do that again, my love," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss me and I smiled. I felt a velvety touch on my hand and I turned to the kitten Remi who put his paw on my arm. Perhaps he was content now that I was away from Justice.

"There's so much left to do. I cannot possibly leave you all alone till it's done, now can I?" I joked, reaching up and pulling him in for another kiss.


	55. AUTHOR'S NOTES

_**Author's Notes**_

_**As I Lay Dying**_

_**WARNING: ONLY READ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS! CONTAINS SPOILERS!**_

_**~Well guys I hope you enjoyed the story. I know I really enjoyed writing it. Even the parts that made me extremely sad to write. We're talking cry my eyes out and run out of tissues kind of sad, even if certain people do not believe me! **_

_**I know I may have changed the characters personalities to suit my story and I hope they were good changes for everyone. I always felt that there were a few things that needed to be clarified and since I doubt I will ever figure out the unanswered questions, I came up with my own. This story followed a play through so I could include a few missions but what I wanted to focus on was the everyday things you don't get to see in the game. I know there was chaos for a bit but I hope it was well worth it.**_

_**This story took shape roughly around maybe my second play through of DA2. About mid-way my first play through I realized I forgot to add the free download code that gave me the Black Emporium and The Exiled Prince so during my first time around, needless to say, Anders got a free pass without anyone to demand his death. That and he was my love interest the first time around and I really wanted the achievement for seeing our relationship through to the end of the game. What can I say? I'm also addicted to getting achievements.**_

_**A different play through-at the end as Sebastian demands that Anders pay with his life, a crazy thought occurred to me. What if Anders died a different way? After the first play through, needless to say, Anders rarely makes it to the end of the game with me. After the first sucker punch, I stopped flirting with him and though I could never bring myself to be overly mean to him, I never get as close to him as the first time. **_

_**The thought took further shape as I was listening to a few DA2 party banter files that someone posted to YouTube and one caught my attention was all the lines your companions say if you fall while in combat. I try really hard not to let my characters die so I had never heard them say any of this (though I'm really tempted sometimes since they threw a generic one in of Sebastian that I would love to verify).**_

_**Add that to the craziness of the final battle and this is what I came up with. **_

_**I initially wanted this to take place around mid-game play but the fight scene I had in mind was when you're escorting Ketojan out of the city and you're ambushed but that didn't fit into the timeline I wanted to use so I changed it to the later fight with the Templar and the fanatics. I wanted to portray Hawke as strong but a little reckless. **_

_**I really wanted her to have a very serious injury that would pretty much almost kill Anders to save her without the extra help from Fenris. It would be this extra influx of almost limitless power that would cause something in Justice to pass on to Hawke.**_

_**But enough spoilers…**_

_**So I'm wondering how many people recall what color are Anders' eyes? If you say brown, or light brown, you are correct! **_

_**So how many people realized that I described his eyes as being BLUE when he opens his eyes and looks at Hawke in Chapter 2? I think deep down Anders suspects that the raw power he taps into when tapping into the lyrium from Fenris has done something to the link he has with Justice: hence the teas. **_

_**Has a light gone off yet?**_

_**I try to put in that the relationship between Hawke and Anders did not end well and it was because of Justice. It's here that Anders realizes that he was so close to losing her that he makes up his mind to try to win her back only there's a new complication tossed in: Hawke has talked Fenris into getting married. Before anyone questions it, I didn't play the Mark of the Assassin dlc until after I had already started this and heard Tallis ask Hawke if she was married and Fenris comments back, "A fine question" (I spat out my drink when I heard that and couldn't stop laughing).**_

_**I really wanted to cement the love story between Hawke and Fenris here and show a different side to the elf than his usual broodiness. I made him into a friend, a lover and a protector. I also wanted to keep a little of his wild side and add a vulnerability to his stern outer self that we are all familiar with. And yes, finally being a part of something almost bordering on stable has almost mellowed him out some. He even comes to a sort of truce with Anders since without his help, Hawke would have died. **_

_**I wanted to get around doing certain missions so instead I added that Merrill is helping Anders even though we know how he feels about her. I think I chose her because she tries so hard to get people to like her. Her falling in love with Anders threw me for a loop too but that's where the story went at the time. It just made sense.**_

_**I also wanted to change a few of the characters. I was so disappointed that Bioware would introduce such a great character as Sebastian and make him untouchable. I wanted him to be just a little more accessible but still a little unwilling to cross the lines. If you couldn't tell, he also has feeling for Hawke but his vows to the Chantry forbid him from acting upon them, but still there's something about being so close to something you can never have. I felt a little bad later on when Hawke comes back from Antiva and he tags along with Hawke so Isabela doesn't make another pass at him-I edited it out but she plants a pretty good kiss on him one late night at the Hanged Man. It actually changed to Varric hinting at more about what happens that I could not help but laugh as I wrote out.**_

_**I didn't want to entirely leave poor Bethany out of the story but it was a bit tricky since most of my play through she became a Grey Warden. I was currently in the middle of a game where she gets caught and is willingly going to the tower. I wanted to write in going to finally see Bethany and the graveyard part formed after I saw a pic from my favorite artist Louvette Solidum Escuadro called Extra Time in Your Kiss. It's basically a close up of two people about to kiss. This is where I wanted to bring in the unresolved issues between Hawke and Anders to light. It helped bring to light their tumultuous relationship, to problems with Justice, to the still burning desire that Anders has for Hawke. And in giving into her anger, something takes control of Hawke and her eyes are somehow not hers…**_

_**I bring it all back when Hawke dreams of a child-like Anders, who she comforts and he also mentions her eyes.**_

_**It's here that Hawke starts to think she is losing her mind. She's remembering things that are not her memories and is losing track of time. She even wakes up in the cellar of her home. We all know that the quickest way to Anders' clinic. And if you were wondering, yes she did have sex with Anders that she does not recall. *Yes it was heavily edited and that is all I am going to say about that!**_

_**She finally has to talk to someone and she turns to someone she figures may help her understand since the one person she probably should be speaking to is the one person she is avoiding. **_

_**As I had been avoiding adding side missions to my story, I used the grand wedding as the way for Anders to sneak in and plant his little surprise for the end. I added the hint of how he believed she wasn't going to marry Fenris because she went to him that one night but she's completely unaware of it or more like she's repressing it.**_

_**This chapter came about as I was listening to Jekyll and Hyde, a song called Lisa Carew. It's pretty much about a man called Simon asking the woman he loves why she is marrying someone else. I was listening to a lot of J&H and there was much about the poor scientist Jekyll that reminded me a lot about Anders. **_

_**My good friend commented that I was a chicken about not adding a wedding night but I figured they deserved a little privacy. I also didn't want to get too much into their time in Antiva save for the fact that they never left it as Hawke was ill and had to get checked out. It was supposed to be a wonderful time for Hawke and Fenris. But as you can tell, I don't do happiness very well. I think I do well with conflict. **_

_**I had mentioned Siobhan Amell was the Hero of Ferelden and Hawke's cousin but I needed to add a bit of her backstory (I want to do a different story using her character) so I added Anders slowly losing control and challenging Cullen to a duel he cannot possibly win. As usual Hawke sorts things out between Anders and the trouble he's gotten himself into but it starts major conflict with her husband, who had over looked Anders pursuit of Hawke because of the debt he felt towards the mage but that is over in finding her there with him.**_

_**This leads me to the chaos that is chapters 19 and 20. Like I said, I don't do happiness very well. I think I live on sarcasm and chaos at times and these chapters were no different. I wanted to show Hawke as being vulnerable with the slow collapse of her marriage and how badly it was affecting her. I also needed to get further into the story so I used the death of Saemus to move forward and cause another disaster in Hawke's life. This brings Anders and Fenris back together to heal her once again. It also brings back the child-like Anders who tries to protect her from a blue eyed man. **_

_**Here as she's healing, Sebastian asks Hawke if there is something she wants to confess. Anders has confided in Sebastian during his extreme exhaustion that the child may well be his but Hawke does not want to admit to it.**_

_**Which leads us to where the chaos ends and it goes back to the story line. I promised I knew where this would end.**_

_**I hope that those of you who stayed from start to finish will go back and reread since I went back to some of the earlier chapters and did some needed edits. There were a few chapters I felt were too short so I added more to them. **_

_**I mention fan art in most of my story and I would like to clarify that they do not belong to me but have been a good inspiration in writing this. **_

_**I didn't get a chance to mention this but the depressing chapters also had music to help with my mood. One song is called Riverside by Agnes Obel and the other is called Running Up That Hill by Track and Field (yes I know this song was originally done by Kate Bush but I loved this song done by this cover band).**_

_**Please leave a comment if you liked the story. It always helps to know if anything needs clarification and it definitely helps to know if my spell check decided to take a day off! **_

_**~Integra**_


	56. Teaser Chapter

**_This is dedicated to KrisJFern:_**

_The mage coughed violently as she struggled to regain her feet, feeling dizzy after being knocked over from the blast that came from somewhere in the city. Her back was bruised from landing on her staff and she was covered in dust. Her companion fared no better and the light armor he wore helped him only a little more than the robes she wore._

_"Andraste's blood!" she cried, looking above at the falling debris. "What was that?"_

_"I'm not sure but it feels like the world exploded," replied her companion as she reached down to help him up. As he straightened he heard the pieces of his weapon fall to the ground and he cursed._

_"Nathaniel, look! The Chantry! It's…GONE!" she cried out, pointing at the direction where the majestic building once stood. "Holy Andraste," she prayed. "What has happened to Kirkwall?"_

_"Let's go, Commander," the archer said._

**_Ha-ha! No really this isn't an early April fool's joke. I've been teasing my friend Kris about this on Twitter and thought she'd like to know the craziness is far from done. At least until I finish my other stories. Warden's Secrets has been on the backburner way too long. I also started a new mature DA2 story called Stranded and a non-DA story called The Light Before the Darkness. Just so you know why this is taking so long to post again._**

**_That and I need a working title!_**


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